Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Yakity-Sax

Dear Princess Celestia,

I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie is a grade A moron and even more obsessed with yaks. In her less than infinite wisdom, she wound up getting a yovidaphone and was playing it non-stop. She may have thought she sounded good but for fuck's sake, she sounded horrible. To make matters worse, she kept on playing that damn thing for hours on end for days on end and was making the whole town miserable.

Finally we told her that she sounded like shit and then she turns into Pinkamena and her mood destroys everything she walks by. Now yeah, her Pinkamena mood was a vast improvement over her shitty music and her undiagnosed ADHD but still, she was making things horrible around here. Finally she decided to relocate to Yayyakistan so she could learn how to properly play that damn yovidaphone.

Now had this happened prior to me befriending all of them, I would have simply sent a request for you to send Twinkleshine down and took off from there but I figured we may as well go and drag her ass back home. What we found up there was a gray pony sulking and listening to a yak making beautiful music with that instrument. I knew we couldn't just let her stay up there so I conned the yaks into letting her play and once she got to playing her hideous music, she returned to her normal, overly hyper self.

Now here is the weird thing, despite her sounding like shit, the yaks loved it. I did learn one thing, the yovidaphone is an instrument of happiness and since playing it makes her happy, the yaks said she was perfect. Good grief, are those idiots deaf or something?

We finally brought Pinkie home and just to release some stress, I abducted the vet and tortured her for a bit. While it certainly didn't get that horrible din out of my mind, it did help me de-stress a bit.

Hating Pinkie and Her Yovidaphone,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Twilight,

Seriously, all of you are so judgmental that you wound up belittling Pinkie over her playing the yovidaphone? Yeah it was so loud I could hear it all the way up here but she didn't sound that bad! Look, I thought you had befriended Pinkie but now here you are treating her like shit? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised though since I raised you to be like me. Hey, that beats you being a miserable, pathetic doormat!

Now I am glad to know you tortured that vet though. If torturing makes you happy, more power to you.

Your Adoptive Mother,

Princess Celestia

---

To My Friends,

You are all horrible bitches! I love playing the yovidaphone and you belittle me over it! You know what, at least the yaks don't judge me. At least they know it makes me happy. You could learn a lot from the yaks, the yaks appreciate happiness a whole lot more than you and you're supposed to be my best friends. Hell I still am contemplating relocating to Yakyakistan to escape your judgmental nature.

Upset You are Judgmental,

Pinkie Pie

---

Dear Pinkie Pie,

Look, we're sorry. We're sorry for being judgmental but you did sound terrible. You butcher that thing while the yaks make beautiful music with it. While we hate to say it, maybe you should just take up playing the banjo as a hobby instead.

Sincerely,

Your Friends

---

To Pink Pony's Friends,

Why do ponies judge pink pony over her playing? Her playing doesn't matter. The yovidaphone makes pink pony happy so her playing is perfect.

Sincerely,

The Yaks

---

To the Yaks,

Ugh, we're going to have to apologize to you too? Apologizing to Pinkie over her shitty playing was bad enough but apologizing to you is worse! If you want her to keep playing, then make sure she only does it up there!

Sincerely,

Pink Pony's Friends

---

Dear Pink Pony,

Don't listen to Pink Pony's friends, Pink Pony's yovidaphone playing is perfect because it makes Pink Pony happy. Feel free to return, we all love Pink Pony's playing because it is perfect.

Sincerely,

The Yaks

---

To the Yaks,

Thanks! Pink Pony thinks Pink Pony will come up on a regular basis because at least yaks won't judge Pink Pony and are happy for Pink Pony.

Sincerely,

Pink Pony

Comments

[Speedy Silverstreak]

Play a saxophone

[StormLuna]

9238957

Speedy Silverstreak,

But that isn't a yak instrument and you know I'm obsessed with anything to do with yaks!

Pinkie Pie

[Speedy Silverstreak]

9238989
Can't argue with that.

[vortex123]

Seriously save for the main cast and tree hugger what is stopping them all from skipping town to get away from Twilight, especially the vet who doesn't even live in ponyville, I mean she has no one working for her except spike and she technically has no real power outside of ponyville

[StormLuna]

9561781

Let's just say that if they did that, Princess Celestia would relocate them to the moon or Tartarus....that is why.