Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Look Before You Sleep

Dear Princess Celestia,

Would you just incinerate this damn place already? I mean seriously, they have to knock sticks out of trees just so the rainstorm won't make too big of a mess? They're making a damn mess already so what does it matter? I have a bit of advice for you, let me get out of town and then tell those brain-dead pegasi to make a tornado so wide it will wipe it off the map so I can escape this shit you have cursed upon me.

You know, I am honestly surprised that Rarity and Applejack were both able to harness the power of those stupid Elements of Harmony together. There they were out there while the rain began to fall bitching and yelling at one another and I thought they were supposed to be friends. I was going to just let them stay stuck in that storm and get completely soaked but even I'm not a grade A bitch all the time so I invited them into my home.

I would soon learn that that was a mistake. You see, I wanted to have my very first slumber party since Spike was up with you for some unknown reason, probably a reason that I'll be pissed off over once I find out what it was. Back to my slumber party, those two idiots immediately start fighting over every damn thing and can't even get along. I had always heard that opposites attract but it obviously isn't the case with these two.

Applejack is even more practical than me and Rarity is a drama queen that probably wouldn't even fit in with that diva nephew of yours. You know, I honestly felt like smacking those two because they ruined everything! Applejack ruined the makeovers, Rarity ruined the S'mores, they both ruined the ghost stories, they made idiots out of themselves in the dare game and they tried to kill me with pillows!

I was seriously getting fed up with them and if they were even half as attractive as my old friends, I would have hauled them up to my bedroom for an initiation ceremony into my circle of friends but ugh, they're just too damn ugly. After I decided to call it a night, I made them share a bed hoping that maybe since they are too ugly to please me personally, that they'd at least put on a show for me.

To make matters worse, they even screwed up the slumber part of this. I was in a peaceful sleep, having a rather pleasant dream about Twinkleshine when those two idiots woke me up from it right before the good part! I honestly felt like throwing them out right then and there but I didn't want to be responsible for their deaths if they got hit by lightning.

Speaking of lightning, a bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree and thanks to Applejack and her damn lasso, the top of the damn thing wound up in my bedroom and after that, those two were arguing over that as well. Now do you see why I want you to replace them with more rational minded ponies?

Finally after more fighting and an apology from Applejack, they finally made amends and Rarity used her magic to get rid of the damn thing for the most part. If she hadn't been such a stubborn little bitch she could have just done that to start and my bedroom wouldn't have got so wet.

Finally I was able to throw them out after the idiot pegasi decided to clear out the clouds. Now would you just listen to me for once? Isn't there a spell you could cast so that these idiots won't have to do moronic tasks before a storm arrives? Can't you do something so that the storms will hit without warning?

Your Irritated Student,

Twilight Sparkle

---

To My Irritated Student,

You know something Twily? I have been wanting to incinerate all these backwater hellholes for ages but sadly, it is only the earth ponies that live in them that can grow our fine nation's food. Sorry but somepony in a big city with a tiny little tomato plant ain't going to feed the country.

You know something, believe it or not but I do agree with you on those two friends of yours. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were adversaries, perhaps even less of acquaintances than you are with them but hey, sometimes friends are different and they do fight.

Now I am going to admit that I am utterly shocked that you would allow those two to go into that library of yours. It is government property and I think you'd know better than to allow a pony to track mud and water into that place. One thing is certain, if there is even one little stain in that library, your punishment will be harsh, very harsh. What it will be yet I don't know but I know you won't like it.

Regarding the slumber party, I am shocked that you would throw one to start with, much less invite a couple of ponies you can hardly tolerate, I sure the hell wouldn't. Makeovers, S'mores, ghost stories, the dare game, pillow fights? You must have been incredibly bored to partake in such ridiculous activities and why in the name of Mother Faust would you even mention the possibility of taking those two upstairs for an initiation ceremony? I get it, you're needy but it is good to see that you still have standards.

Now there is one thing I would love to know, when the top of that tree fell into your bedroom why the hell didn't you just use your magic to get rid of the damn thing? I would think that a pony that was in my school would have enough common sense to use her magic to get rid of it. I am extremely disappointed in you Twilight, I thought I raised you better than that.

Now look, I would love nothing more than to cast a spell that would reverse this spell that Luna and I cast when we took over here but we thought that if we let ponies control the weather, droughts and floods would be less common. Sadly the spell we cast was permanent so we all have to deal with it but I would greatly appreciate it if you'd quit bitching about it.

Your Annoyed Overlord,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[8bitmadness]

I can only imagine what would happen if somepony figured out how to get rid of that spell.

[StormLuna]

9365517

A time may come when somepony does figure out how to get rid of it.