Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Rainbow Rocks

To Equestria's Laziest Monarch,

Remember how I told you to lock up that stupid mirror so nothing would ever come through it again? Well my urges got the best of me so I stole it and figured out a way to open it whenever I wanted it and I did it for two reasons. First I figured that if my little friendship student, Sunset Shimmer, needed me, I could go and set her straight. The second reason, I want human PETA girl and next time I go over there, I'm initiating her whether she likes it or not!

Now I did have Sunset contact me through a book and she was bitching about these girls trying to take over their world through their singing. My initial thought was, "So what? As long as they leave Equestria alone we'll be fine." Eventually though my concerns over my potential new friend over there won out and I headed through it to save her.

Now I am used to walking upright like those freaks and apparently those girls are sirens that Starswirl banished a long time ago so I figured this should be fun. When I finally saw those three, I knew kicking their asses would be easy. One was kind of a bitch, one was even worse than you on your worst day but the third was a cute little ditz, a ditz that I knew would be easy prey, easy prey for me to initiate.

Now I ran into those girls who are my acquaintances over there and thought since I befriended their pony counterparts, well sort of, that I may as well do the same with them so that is what I did. PETA Girl was leery at first but once I let her know I meant no harm, she accepted my distant friendship. Come to find out the only way to defeat these sirens is through some sort of magical song and since your little runaway and I are the only ones who understand Equestrian magic, we got to writing a song.

Now Crash nearly caused us to fail and allowed those sirens to take on their true forms but in the end we kicked their asses, freed those loser students from their spell and then I set out to do a couple of things, what my real reason for going over there was!

Now I tried to lure PETA Girl into the girls room but she hit me, again! Now those sirens were sulking and it looked like that cute ditzy one could use a friend so I thought I could initiate the cute ditzy one, Sonata Dusk. Now you're not going to believe this but she slugged me. She called me a slut and said that she would never put out for some lowly pony princess!

Now that bitch doesn't know what she's missing but to make matters worse, I was stopped by the magic-less hack version of you before I went home and she told me that because of my sexual advances towards two of her students, that I was banned from ever stepping foot on CHS grounds! What a bitch, I try to improve the lives of two of her students and that is how I was re-paid.

Now my general opinion is, "Fuck that shit. The next time evil threatens to wipe them out, they can deal with it on their own."

Disgusted I Couldn't Initiate Anyone,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

To Equestria's Worst Princess,

Wait a minute, not only did you fail to initiate PETA Girl again but you tried to seduce a fucking siren too? Good grief Twilight, I know you get needy but you actually stooped so low that you would go after a lowly siren? You are truly pathetic, you know that. I honestly don't know why The Tree of Harmony would give a little slut like you a castle. I'm just glad you didn't succeed in scoring with that siren because had you done so, Equestrian law would dictate that I reverse the longevity spell and then burn you alive for treason.

I think you need to give up trying to score with anyone in the human world. PETA Girl obviously doesn't want you, that siren wouldn't degrade herself by letting you initiate her and I'm sure none of the girls over there would want you ever. I know that the boys probably would but I am glad to know that even you won't lower yourself that far.

Now listen to me and listen to me good. If you ever go through that mirror again I will add another thousand years to your miserable, pathetic life and I'm sure Ponyville would certainly celebrate that, NOT!

Disgusted By You,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[MDCommissioner]

.....why is this incarnation of Twilight trying to initiate my waifus favorite girls?

[pabrony]

Sonata wouldn't even put out? Damn, Twilight. It might be time you step back and re-evaluate your approach in this matter. Especially if somepony ever learns any time traveling spells.

[Speedy Silverstreak]

Welp *grabs shotgun * time to go PETA Girl and Siren hunting

[StormLuna]

9025175

.....why is this incarnation of Twilight trying to initiate my waifus favorite girls?

She finds Fluttershy just as attractive in the human world as she does in the pony world and when it comes to Sonata, she thinks she is hot and thought her personality would make her easy prey....which naturally turned out to be incorrect.

9025180

Sonata wouldn't even put out? Damn, Twilight. It might be time you step back and re-evaluate your approach in this matter. Especially if somepony ever learns any time traveling spells.

Sonata may be adorable, seem a bit naive and come across as a ditz but she ain't going to allow herself to be taken advantage of.

9025247

Welp *grabs shotgun * time to go PETA Girl and Siren hunting

I will be sure to warn them about this.

[Ri2]

Why doesn't Celestia ever want Twilight to go back? Doesn't she care at all about Sunset?

Wait, no, of course she doesn't.

And again, threatening someone with longer life still seems odd.