Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Special: Standing Up to the Tax Pony

Dear Twilight Velvet and Night Light,

I have some absolutely spectacular news for you. Do you remember that bitch filly that printed that image of me in her school's newspaper so long ago? Well as it turns out her parents had abandoned her for years and the punishment for such a thing is harsh, very harsh. Now I did let them off on what would normally be a ten year long prison sentence and I also let them off on the 100,000 bit fine that would normally be imposed upon them.

However, I can not simply go without collecting fine money, I'm sure you know that though. Also, your daughter has committed a crime too. She set up some dumb party to celebrate how Scootaloo and her troublemaker friends can't be parted so her parents wouldn't haul her off to some third world shit hole and finally break that little cult apart. Because of that, not only am I fining you 150,000 bits for Twilight's mistake but I am also fining you the 100,000 bits that I decided to forgive that filly's parents for.

Now I will be coming by your house in a week to collect the 250,000 bits you suddenly owe me and if you don't have every last bit of it, not only will I impose an extra fine of 30% on you, but I will also take your precious daughter's wings away from her, her title away from her and her castle away from her and give them all to Starlight since she is better than her anyway. To top it off, I will force you to take Twilight back in with you and you can put up with her bitchiness, not Starlight, not her friends or her bootie-call.

Ready to Collect Your Money Again,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Greedlestia,

That is it! We have had enough of your fucking excessive taxation and fines. For starters, we will NOT pay fines over the activities of ponies we do not even know. Also, we are not going to pay some sort of shitty fine over our daughter simply trying to be a nice pony and prevent three very close friends from being parted. You always wanted Twilight to be a nice pony and here she goes and does a good deed you are wanting to fine us a horribly large sum of money over this.

You know what Cakeass, if you come over here and demand that money, we are going to the press over this. We have kept detailed records of every single fine and unfair tax you have imposed upon us. We are quite certain that you have done this to other ponies in the country too all so you can have more cake to stuff your face with or just for your sadistic entertainment.

Who knows, once we go public, every single pony you have fucked over with excessive taxation or ridiculous fines may come forward and we can turn the whole nation against you and force you to abdicate. Given that your sister has never tried to stop you, we are damn sure we can turn them against her too. Guess what, then our daughter will be the one to ascend to be the primary princess and we know that with her in charge, ridiculous fines and excessive taxes will be a thing of the past.

So which is it, do you keep your throne or do we go public? It is your choice so choose wisely you greedy glutton.

Ready to Bring You Down,

Night Light and Twilight Velvet

P.S. We are also demanding that you return every single bit you have taken from us unfairly or we will go public.

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Dear Night Light and Twilight Velvet,

You know what, FINE! I will not fine you for all this and I will return all the money I have allegedly "stolen" from you. I can not believe what a greedy couple you are. Never once did I imagine that the two of you would want to bring down the pony who not only took that bitch daughter of yours off your hooves, but ascended her into being an Alicorn. You know what? I could have easily not have ascended her and prevented Shining Armor from marrying my easy niece.

Now I do want to warn you two of this though. If you so much as jaywalk or spit on the sidewalk, you will find your worthless flanks rotting in the bottom most bowels of Tartarus, got it. A princess without enough money to have the absolute best baker in Equestria to fix her top of the line cakes is going to be an incredibly bitchy and spiteful pony. Who knows, I may decide to take all of this out on your daughter. Perhaps when my sister and I decide to retire, I should just put my sweet, innocent Starlight on the throne because never once has she ever done anything wrong. Unlike your daughter who has wasted so much government money and destroyed everything she has touched, Starlight is an innocent pony, a pure angel, a model citizen of Equestria....the only one who is suited to take over for me.

Ready to Ascend Starlight,

Princess Celestia

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Princess Bitchlestia,

Seriously, you think that Starlight Glimmer is a perfect little angel? Look, Twilight has told us about all the shit she has done. We know about her being a dictator in a small town, we know about how she stole cutie marks, we know how she nearly destroyed Equestria multiple times over, we know about how she brainwashed her friends and we know about how she throws magical temper tantrums and one time nearly tore Discord to shreds with her magic.

Our daughter has a cool, calm and collected attitude while Starlight sounds like she has way too short of a fuse to handle things in a reasonable manner. We know she will handle Equestria's threats calmly and banish evildoers to Tartarus while your precious Starlight would be too likely to kill somepony for breathing wrong, either that or start a war with a foreign country for them simply sneezing in the castle.

Trust us, putting Twilight on the throne is the only rational choice. Since you love Starlight so much, almost like she is your daughter, just take her with you after you retire. Both of us think that her moving off with you would be a far better choice than being a power hungry bitch who would simply carry on your legacy.

Knowing Twilight Should Be Head Princess,

Night Light and Twilight Velvet

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Dear Night Light and Twilight Velvet,

Look, I am going to give you all your damn money back, ok? Isn't that enough or are you going to go demanding everything including the crown jewels? I simply think Starlight is more suited for the job because she will fuck up any and all enemies of Equestria. Your daughter is far too much of a softy and has horrific panic attacks that simply doesn't make her suitable for the throne. Just ask Spike, he will tell you about how Twilight gets when she freaks out. Hell one time she had such an epic freak out that she fantasized about an Alicorn filly being in magic kindergarten. What made that one worse was that it was all over her worrying about getting a friendship letter to me on time. That freak out was priceless, completely priceless.

Starlight however, has never done such a thing. She has a level head on her shoulders and has never freaked out over tiny things like ladybugs. Just ask Shining Armor about the ladybug situation! She thinks I use them to spy on her! Those two things alone are proof that your daughter isn't fit to rule, got it?

Knowing Your Daughter Isn't Fit to Rule,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[vortex123]

Damn, go Night Light and Twilight Velvet

[StormLuna]

9685054

I decided the time had come for them to finally stand up to Princess Celestia.

[StormLuna]

9680029

She just couldn't. She had wanted to force Fluttershy into her bed for so long against her will that she finally just broke. Despite her history with Flutters, she figured that forcing herself on Shy would make for a good release.