• Published 14th Apr 2018
  • 4,867 Views, 1,441 Comments

Unpleasant Correspondence - StormLuna



After sending Twilight to Ponyville, Princess Celestia demands letters from her but when Twilight starts to complain, Celestia becomes unhappy and replies to her letters in her own way.

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Special: Celestia's Trolling Letters

To The Princess of Betrayal,

Let me start out by saying that your behavior on The Iron Will Show is exactly why everypony despises you and chances are, they probably hate you even more now. Seriously, what the hell was up with you talking about how you own Cadence? I get it, you screwed her till the cows came home and then some but for you to honestly think that you have the magical know how to cast a fertility spell is a joke.

I am going to let you know something, many, many ponies up here in Canterlot saw that episode and you are now known as not The Princess of Friendship but The Princess of Betrayal for how you betrayed your brother. I am going to admit though, this is not entirely your fault since Cadence did partake with you in the sexual activities and even your brother is not squeaky clean since he didn't have any problems with Cadence doing this, basically he enabled this situation to take place.

I do want to let you know though that with the first set of cards that had results on them, those were fake. I switched them out because I needed a good laugh and I thought the whole country would enjoy it as well. From what I understand, that was the highest rated episode ever and now ponies are demanding that reruns of that episode be shown over and over so they can continue to see you talking about how you fucked Cadence, see your elation and then watch it turn into a furious rage.

Congratulations though Twilight. You are obviously the most despised princess in Equestria but after this, I wouldn't be surprised if another assassination attempt or a dozen were to happen. Don't worry though, even if somepony was to try to assassinate you, it wouldn't work because of that longevity spell I cast on you. Had that longevity spell not worked, you would have been killed when Tirek threw you into the side of that mountain.

Oh and I do have some bad news for you. Because of what happened, Cadence has told me that she will no longer put out for you. What a shame because I know you loved the horn sex but hey, you still have the spa twins so not all is lost. Also, if you have this need for horn sex, I'm sure you can threaten Starlight in one way or another and force her to give it to you because I sure the hell won't and who is to say your old friends will after how you lied about your last interaction with them.

Oh and on a final note, damn it sucks to be you!

Your Fun Loving Troll,

Princess Celestia


To My Shamed Niece,

First off let me start out by saying that the episode of The Iron Will Show staring you and Twilight was successful beyond his wildest dreams. While his show has always been popular, over half the country watched this episode and polls taken not too long afterwards show that your popularity has plunged and that just about everypony despises Twilight. Luckily for Luna and I though, our popularity went through the roof since we are innocent little angels with no scandals on our hooves whatsoever.

Now I will let you know one thing, I certainly hope that none of this will ever cause Flurry Heart any problems because it would be downright horrible if she was to be harassed about her mother screwing her sister-in-law and her father allowing it to happen. If that does happen, I'll have to take her away and raise her as my own so don't be surprised if someday I don't come up there and demand you hand Flurry Heart over to a set of hooves that can raise her free of scandal.

Now remember Cadence, keep your word and don't give in to those urges. I know how you are, I know you'll start lusting for Twilight again soon and unless Flurry Heart gives you puppy dog eyes, I know you'll act on them.

Your Superior Aunt,

Princess Celestia


To Princess Trollestia,

I am going to start by saying that you are a fucking bitch. I can't believe it that you would go as far as to troll Cadence and I on national television. You have done a great amount of trolling in your days, including setting Tirek loose but to make me look like a total joke for the whole nation to see is going too far. What the hell were you thinking? Did you do that to purposely make ponies think more lowly of Cadence and I than they already do? Was your popularity level slumping and you did this out of spite?

I know I should not have behaved the way I did on that show and I will admit, I wanted Flurry to be mine and when I thought I did cause her to be conceived I was elated and when I learned that was a lie I was enraged but what pissed me off the most is learning that you trolled me.

I know you have had proteges before me, Sunset Shimmer to name one and Radiant Hope to name another. What happened, did you troll them to the point where you ran them off before you could really fuck up their lives like you did mine? Did you pull shit like this with them or did you simply make their lives miserable in more conventional ways, ways like you did to me prior to my banishment? I honestly wish that Luna were the primary princess because she never would have pulled things like this. She is far more rational than you'll ever be.

Hating Your Trolling Guts,

Princess Twilight Sparkle


To My Horrible Aunt,

You know what, as much as I hate her right now I'm going to admit something. Twilight is beyond right about you, you are a troll. I always knew you were a bit of a prankster and would take those pranks a bit too far but this really takes the cake. The very fact that you would make me look like a joke and Shining Armor look like an enabler on national TV is downright disgusting.

Thanks to you, everypony who saw that episode knows that I screw my sister-in-law and I have already had a few of my subjects call me out and demand that I step down. I can't help but wonder if you and Iron Will were working together to make a joke out of not just me, but Twilight and Shining Armor. I know you enjoy bringing about misery on those that you don't like and since Twilight falls in that category, you figured you may as well drag me into it as well.

Also, I don't care what happens. I will NOT let you just take Flurry Heart away from me. She is MY daughter, not yours so I would advise you leave her alone.

Your Embarrassed Niece,

Princess Cadence

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