Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

P.P.O.V. (Pony Point of View)

Dear Princess Celestia,

We just thought that we would let you know that the boat trip that Fluttershy's doormat had us go on was a complete disaster. The boat sank but once Twilight got us to realize that some sea monster knocked over the boat, everything is as good as new.

Sincerely,

Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie

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Dear Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie,

Guess what, I don't give a shit. I have a much bigger issue on my hooves, a freshly baked cake to eat so go bug somepony else. I know you three and Starlight are friends now so go tell her about it because I don't care.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

You're not going to believe it but my flight school reunion was totally kick ass! At first it started out shitty but then once those bastard bullies discovered that I own Twilight they began to congratulate me and tell me how wonderful I am. They never once imagined that a shy, timid little filly could turn into the master of a princess!

Want to know what would impress them even more? They said that they would think it would be sweet if I could bag a second princess! Now for a big question, would you be my marefriend?"

Hoping to Bag You Too,

Fluttershy

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Dear Fluttershy,

For starters, I don't give a shit about your flight school reunion and to answer your question, FUCK NO! I will not be your marefriend, ever. Twilight may be a doormat but if you even tried that controlling shit with me I'd impale you on my horn for all to see.

Sincerely,

Princess "Controlled by Nopony" Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

You're not going to believe this but Fluttershy went to her Cloudsdale school reunion and she didn't bother to put a horn cap on me and since I had a dentist appointment up in Canterlot, she gave me permission to leave the castle! Now I'm going to admit something and I hope you don't share it with Fluttershy.

I was a good patient today although that might be because my eyes were glued on Colgate's sexy flank and I think she knew I was staring because she gave me a smile the whole time. Also, I think she may have wanted some Sparkle because not only did she swat my flank, but she pulled me into a deep kiss and wouldn't let me go for a while. Yeah I eventually had to break it so I could get home in time to greet Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie at the train station to hear their report on their boat trip but still, I did enjoy my trip.

Regarding the boat trip, it was a disaster and I had to finally prove to them that none of them were responsible for sinking the boat just so they would talk to one another again.

Had A Good Time With the Dentist,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Please, please don't share any of this with Fluttershy. If she finds out Colgate kissed me not only will she punish me but she'll probably go and do something to her too.

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Dear Princess Twilight,

I really don't give a shit about the whole boat trip but I must say that I am surprised and impressed. I'm surprised that Fluttershy actually let you come up to see the dentist alone, especially given who it is. Perhaps she is starting to trust you more or Crash wound up dragging her up there before she could do anything to make sure you didn't do anything she wouldn't approve of.

Now I am impressed that you would allow Colgate to swat your flank and kiss you the way she did. Maybe, just maybe you aren't as much of a lost cause as I thought you were. What a shame Fluttershy didn't go on a trip much further away, like the moon because then Colgate could have grabbed her friends, drug all of you up to her old study tower and had their way with you.

I can sense it Twilight. I know come next week you'll be all sappy and shit over Fluttershy again but I know that deep down, you want your freedom. I know you miss things like horn sex, things that only another unicorn or Alicorn can give you. I have some advice for you, just dump Fluttershy and you and Colgate can do a whole lot more than simply kiss. I know you're missing those horns so bad you can hardly stand it!

Hoping You'll Dump Fluttershy,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Regarding Fluttershy doing something to Colgate, that won't happen. Colgate could tear Fluttershy several new holes without even blinking.

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Dear Twilight,

I have some serious advice for you, DUMP FLUTTERSHY. For Celestia's sake, I thought you'd be able to tell how horny I was today. Hell I would have even closed up shop and we could have had a solo session. I may not want to commit to anypony but I can sense it Twily, you miss the horn sex. Dump Fluttershy and I'll give it to you. Hell, I would even let you dominate me as a reward for casting aside your master.

Wanting to Give You Horn Sex,

Dr. M. Colgate, D.D.S.

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Dear Colgate,

You aren't the only one who has advised me to do that. Princess Celestia and my star student have done the same. While horn sex is nice, Fluttershy wants commitment and I know she truly loves me. I don't think you and the rest of my old friends understand how important commitment is to me....hell I doubt the four of you even know what the hell it is.

Wanting to Commit to Fluttershy,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Colgate,

I know Twilight had an appointment with you today and I am going to tell you this just once, if you did a single thing to her, I will come up and make you wish you were never born. Also, if you did something and she consented, both of you will wish you were never born.

Now you better tell me what happened or you won't like the results.

Sincerely,

Fluttershy

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Fluttershy,

Bring it bitch. If you come up here and so much as even look at me wrong, I'll rip you so many new assholes you won't know which one to shit out of, capiche?

Sincerely,

Dr. M. Colgate, D.D.S.

Comments

[Paulon]

I just found a character I respect, as opposed to just finding entertaining, in this story. Go Colgate.

[StormLuna]

9120226

I take it you like both her advice to Twilight and her response to Fluttershy's letter?

[Love able chaos]

Fold her Colgate.