Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Princess Spike

Dear Princess Celestia,

You know what, I am utterly pissed. You put this fucking summit in my hooves and I wind up losing three straight nights of sleep over this shit? What was the point of this damn thing with the exception of me figuring out who I should abduct, haul home and torture? Eventually I had to sleep and unfortunately Spike wound up making a bunch of stupid decisions, took advantage of my status and got ponies do pretty much everything for him.

That right there is proof that he needs to be replaced with a newer model, a model that won't abuse his status as my slave and one that won't want to get a sex change operation. Seriously though, Princess Spike? I'm going to have to be firm with him and tell him that if he gets his dick cut off and pumps himself full of estrogen he will not suddenly make Rarity want to screw him.

The only good thing that came out of this worthless summit was that I did get some sister-in-law bonding time with Cadence. Could you do me a favor though and never curse shit like this on me ever again?

Hating Summits,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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To My Sexy Sister-In-Law,

I know you're upset that my aunt piled all this work on you and you were dead tired when we got it on but it beats the shit out of nothing, right?

I will let you know though that I am not one bit thrilled with that dragon of yours. The little bastard conned ponies into doing pretty much anything and everything for him solely because he claimed you ordered it. I'm thinking perhaps you should talk to my aunt about replacing him with a more obedient model, one who isn't a self-absorbed little bastard.

I'm thinking that once your schedule is more empty, I'll come down and we can unwind either in your castle or at the spa. Hopefully I can screw you soon.

Your loving Sister-In-Law,

Princess Cadence

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Dear Twilight,

I am sorry for taking advantage of your status as a princess. I promise you that I won't do that again and mess everything up.

Sincerely,

Spike

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To the Worst Monarch of all Time,

Get over it already. You are my inferior and it is the job of inferiors to deal with shit like this. I had other things to deal with, such as fresh cake and petty court disputes to oversee and of course Luna sleeps during the day and Cadence? She had meetings to deal with. Now I have some advice for you, quit your bitching and just do what is ordered of you. You do realize that I could take those spa twins away from you just like that, right?

Now regarding Spike, you can not replace him or trade him in for a newer or better model. I don't know how many times I've told you this but he is not a stagecoach. I would greatly appreciate it if you would just quit bitching about it, alright?

Always Better than You,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Sexy Cadence,

I know I was tired as hell and was barely coherent while we had our fun but I am so happy we got a little time together. I do know that you are upset about all the shit that Spike pulled but there is one positive, he didn't eat the gem statue so he isn't completely bad!

Hoping to See You Again Soon,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Spike,

You better be glad that I am a forgiving pony because if I weren't, I'd be torturing you down in my dungeon along side that drug addict friend of PETA Girl's. Also, you can not be a princess unless you get a sex change operation and I certainly will not allow that because it would make ME look bad because baby female dragons are not meant to be enslaved like the males are.

Not Thrilled With Your Actions,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Comments

[Ri2]

So Twilight can just...up and abduct anyone to torture for any reason now?

Why are male dragons legal for enslavement but not females? How big an industry is this?

[StormLuna]

9043630

Regarding the dragon thing, they are only for either royalty or the proteges of royalty to "enslave." Regarding only male dragons being available for it, it is just how Celestia thinks things should be done.

And yes Twilight can just abduct and torture anypony for any reason. Celestia may bitch and complain about her behavior all the time but she thinks that it may make Twilight happier.

[Ri2]

9043970

Regarding the dragon thing, they are only for either royalty or the proteges of royalty to "enslave." Regarding only male dragons being available for it, it is just how Celestia thinks things should be done.

Does Celestia, Luna, or Cadance have slaves lurking around, then? Did Sunset once have one? Why's Celestia only enslave the males?

And yes Twilight can just abduct and torture anypony for any reason. Celestia may bitch and complain about her behavior all the time but she thinks that it may make Twilight happier.

That's kind of horrific. And not very friendly.