Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

A Bird in the Hoof

Dear Princess Celestia,

For the love of Faust, this town is throwing you yet another party? Good grief, wasn't the Sunbutt Festival or whatever the hell it was called and the one that PETA girl's bugs cancelled enough? I get it, you are an attention whore and would go completely nuts if you didn't have everypony idolizing you.

Now I have more proof that you are a grade A troll. You decide to bring your bird who is in the last phase of its life cycle to a party that you know a crazy animal lover will be attending. Didn't you realize that that would be destined to wind up being a complete disaster?

Now I will admit, I'm glad the party turned out well and had cupcakes, which we both love. I know my acquaintances behaved in a less than stellar manner but I honestly don't care. I found it rather funny that Pinkie ate your cupcake, Rarity behaved like a total bitch, Applejack was overly paranoid and the biggest "I told you so" moment, PETA girl stealing your bird.

Here I thought that everything would be fine but then I discovered Philomena was missing and I knew who did it so I had to go and confront her over it. Of course my primary goal though was not to get her to bring your bird back, it was to initiate her into my friendship circle in her cottage. Hey, I thought rocking her world so her animals could hear her squealing would be fun but then she just had to ruin my fun by putting that damn thing ahead of friendship.

Now I don't appreciate your royal guards following me around when I'm simply trying to make friends but after they let me know about your missing bird, we knew we had to take her back. One thing I will admit, that bird of yours is as big of a troll as you are. She constantly kept us on the run trying to catch it before the damn thing incinerated itself and caused Fluttershy to break down crying. Now I would have tried to comfort her but I didn't want the whole town watching my way of comforting her.

You know, you could have saved this town a whole lot of trouble forcing them to throw me a party instead. Hey, I don't demand high profile events, I don't need royal guards making the town feel uptight and I don't take dying animals with me on the road either.

Now it is a crying shame that you didn't do anything to punish Fluttershy for birdnapping that phoenix of yours. I think if you would have banished her to my underground torture chamber, we all would have been happy. You would have taught Fluttershy not to be a thief, Fluttershy would have had the experience of a lifetime and I would have made a new friend.

Just you wait, I'll get my revenge for this. One thing is certain, the Gala is going to be quite entertaining!

Plotting My Revenge,

Twilight Sparkle

---

To My Bitchy Student,

Ugh, here you go again bitching about how everypony loves me so much. Look, I am Equestria's primary princess and ponies do adore me and throw celebrations for me. You on the other hoof, are nothing more than a disrespectful bitch in their eyes and if you weren't my subordinate, they'd probably have run you out of town ages ago.

I must say that I am not thrilled with your acquaintances' behavior. Applejack's fear of eating anything in front of me was unwarranted and uncouth. Rarity's behavior was to be expected, that of an annoying diva who should have left the dress at home. I'm honestly considering banishing Pinkie to the moon over her eating MY cupcake. Rainbow bugging my guards, I don't care about that but Fluttershy stealing my pet, I do plan on punishing her in one way or another, the moon for a week perhaps?

I know about some of the shit you did to my Philomena and you better be glad that pill didn't kill her or YOU and Fluttershy would have found yourselves in Tartarus for murdering the royal pet. Now that I think about it, a lot of your bitching may be warranted but still, listening to you bitch all the time does get old.

I am going to say one thing though, I'm thinking that perhaps Ponyville ain't that bad. Most of the ponies are semi-friendly, they did bow down before me but the Cake Family? I'm honestly thinking of offering them a chance to become my personal bakers and be set for life, they truly deserve it.

Now what to do about Fluttershy. I have decided to banish her not from Equestria, but to that underground chamber of yours. With any luck, you'll be friends by the time I get your next letter and maybe you'll have something positive to report for a change. Now if you do manage to make her your friend, be sure to include the details, particularly the juiciest and kinkiest ones. Don't let me down Twily, this should be a slam dunk for you and if you fail, I'll realize that you are much worse than I thought.

Hoping You'll Make a Friend,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[StormLuna]

8904503

And while this is a ways off, I'm thinking about if or when I should have Twilight initiate Starlight as a friend, especially given that she lives with her.

[ValNitak Choas]

will be rolling on ground lolling, if after ward fluttershy end up slave to twilight or become super stalkersish toward twilight

[StormLuna]

8905000

Well I don't have any plans on making Fluttershy being Twily's slave, well anytime soon anyway....I want to drag Twilight's obsession out for a while. After all, this baby won't be done until the end of the series....over 200 episodes.

[ValNitak Choas]

8905214
nice