Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Brotherhooves Social

Dear Princess Celestia,

Well this town is showing how truly worthless it is again. Why did they shut the town down this time, they shut it down over some race for sisters over on Sweet Apple Acres. I know I have been in this hellhole for far too long but their stupidity still irritates me to no end. The good thing though is that while the spa twins did shut down shop too, they stayed there and gave me all the pampering I could ever want.

You know something, if it weren't for the spa twins and the love they give me, I probably would have had to be put in the mental asylum by now.

Happy I Have the Spa Twins,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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To the Spa Twins' Owner,

I am glad that you brought that up because now I know exactly how to break you. All I have to do is take the spa twins away and you will go bat shit crazy. Even if that was to happen though, I would not let you go to an insane asylum because that would be rewarding you when you have done nothing to deserve it.

My advice to you, don't be a total bitch, don't piss me off and at least try and make some more friends and you'll be fine.

Your Superior Monarch,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

What the fuck is up with this? That fucking map calls my sister away when it should know that she had to compete in the Sisterhooves Social with me. Thanks to that piece of shit I was unable to taste sweet, sweet victory. I think you need to just dismantle that fucking thing because all it has done is cause me problems.

To make matters worse, my brother decided to become a fucking transvestite just so that I can take part in the social. Come on, the social has always had a loose definition of what constitutes a sister so he could have just went as he was and not disgrace the entire Apple Family. You know what, fuck that shit! If I ever need a substitute sister again, I'll just drive your bitchy little subordinate batshit crazy until she agrees to be my sister.

Ashamed of My Brother,

Apple Bloom

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Dear Apple Bloom,

You know something, I would actually give a shit about your problems if you weren't cursing like a fucking sailor. I would like to know where the fuck you learned such language and why you are using it so frequently. I will tell you one thing, if you even cuss one more fucking time in your letters to me, I will force Twilight to abduct you, take you down to that dungeon of hers and torture you in any way she sees fit.

Oh and just so you know, she has wanted Apple Bloom soup ever since you followed Zecora home so that may not turn out so well for you. If I were you, I would lose the fucking profanity unless you want to wind up on Twilight's dinner plate. To be honest though, that wouldn't be so bad because I'm curious as to how soup including you would taste anyway.

Hungry for Your Meat,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

We're awesome and we know it! We won the Sisterhooves Social despite us not being biological sisters. Yes we got a blue ribbon but could you see to it that this town throws us a huge festival to spite Twilight because that would be so cool!

Sisterhooves Social Champions,

Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo

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Dear Crash and Scootaloo,

Normally I wouldn't give a shit that you won that race but since you want the town to throw you a festival to spite Twilight, consider it done. Be sure to tell the Cakes to make extra cake because I will show up and treat you two like royalty all while I ignore Twilight like the inferior that she is. I'll let you know when I will schedule it for, see you then!

Proud of Your Victory,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Love able chaos]

Yeah applebloom shut the fuck up and stop fucking cussing.

[StormLuna]

10514287

I am not the biggest fan of Apple Bloom. Her being ashamed of Granny Smith in "Family Appreciation Day" really made her look like a little bitch, especially given that the Apples are supposed to put family first.