Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Pinkie Pride

To the Most Useless Monarch,

What the hell is it with this town? Here they were wasting time by holding another party and to make matters worse, it is for Crash's birthday. I am not one bit pleased because they have never once halted all activities and let everypony off of work to celebrate MY birthday, which is the only one that matters.

Now Pinkie was obviously trying to get into Rainbow's coat because she was trying to make this the funnest party ever. Now I don't find either one of them even remotely attractive but I honestly think they should have just gave everypony a live porno and called it a day but oh no, they just had to make our lives miserable with a party.

Now as you know I generally hate your trolling but I am glad you sent that Cheese Sandwich idiot our way. He upstaged my party planning acquaintance, made us all forget she existed and made her cry. Now I was really hoping she would have fled town, went into the forest and fell prey to some timberwolves. Had that happened, you would have either had no choice to either let me come home or send Minuette to replace her since she likes parties too.

In the end that Cheese idiot and Pinkie threw Rainbow the lamest party ever and Pinkie wound up getting some stupid rubber chicken out of it. I'm quite certain that she is happy because if Rainbow won't put out for her, she can rape that thing till the end of her days.

Sick of Lame Parties,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

Rainbow Dash proved to be a meany-mean hooves disloyal bitch. She, Twibitch and my other friends ran off to Cheese's party they were throwing. They left me like I didn't even exist. If you ask me, you need to make Twilight go home! In the end though I did learn Cheese wasn't as much of a meany-mean hooves as Dashie was and he did give me a cool rubber chicken.

Your Sad Subject,

Pinkie Pie

---

To My Useless Little Princess,

You honestly expect them to celebrate your birthday? Come on, outside of the spa twins everypony hates you. To be honest, I'm even starting to wonder about them because you haven't mentioned them in a while. What happened, did they finally decide to have standards and purged you from their lives? I certainly hope so because you aren't deserving of them.

Oh and regarding that party, I don't get why you went. You can barely stand Crash and I thought you weren't a fan of parties. Oh well, you degraded yourself by going to something completely useless but that still doesn't give you any hope in my eyes. You may be a princess but you still don't serve any purpose except provide Cadence comfort in that she isn't the most worthless princess anymore.

Now had Pinkie ran off and died, I would have blamed you for following that idiot Sandwich Dude or whatever his name was and not only would I have not let you come home but I would have found some horrible bitch to curse upon you....oh and to make things extra fun, I would have extended your life by another thousand years.

Now do me a favor and stop doing dumb shit just so you can bitch to me about it.

The Most Important Monarch,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Nopony gives a shit about your birthday. Hell, even I have forgot what day it was, June 31st I think but I can't be completely sure. Whatever day it was, it certainly wouldn't be worth celebrating.

---

Dear Pinkie Pie,

I'll tell you exactly why Crash ran off to that other party. She secretly hates you and doesn't want you annoying her. You have been annoying her for a very long time and I would have thought that when she chose Gilda over you so long ago you would have known that she doesn't see you as a friend. Oh well, at least you didn't run away and get killed by timberwolves so it isn't all bad for you.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Could you do me a favor and not lose that rubber chicken? It may be needed for something important later on, something like slapping Twilight or pleasing yourself with since Crash obviously doesn't want you.

Comments

[Ri2]

Still don't get why Celestia seems to think extending Twilight's lifespan is a threat. I mean, she herself i immortal, so why would she see that as a bad thing?

[StormLuna]

8999360

At this point, Twilight hates the situation she is in and Celestia wants to extend her unhappiness even further.

[Ri2]

8999657
So, Celestia is so cruel she'll intentionally prolong Twilight's life just to make sure she doesn't get to escape her suffering and torment anytime soon? Wow. As I said before, she's horrible.

[StormLuna]

9000685

This version of Celestia loves seeing her, along with pretty much everypony else, suffer and be miserable.