Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

The Fault in Our Cutie Marks

Dear Princess Celestia,

Can you believe that shit, an overly hyper griffon came to us and wanted a cutie mark? What a stupid bitch, does she not know that griffons don't get cutie marks? We have helped many ponies get cutie marks but that is just it, we help ponies. We do not help griffons but since our "sweet little angel" code dictates that we help her, we figured we would help the idiot anyway.

As it turns out, she won't have any problems being employed in one way or another since she can do anything but in one of those "well no shit Sherlock" moments, she didn't get her mark. Yes we acted sad but we were actually happy, hoping that she would fly off, fall prey to some timberwolves or some other shit that would rid her from our lives.

That is when she pulled the dumb shit card, she showed up with a fake ass cutie mark that was obviously painted on. Don't count on her being an actress though because she can't fake things worth shit. Well in the end we decided to make her a Crusader but we didn't do it because we truly wanted to. We did it so this fucking town would throw her a "hey, I got my ass mark" party! Too bad you didn't show up because then you could have feasted on the cake we had and made a bigger embarrassment of yourself than we did of you back in the day. Just imagine the headline, Princess Celestia continued digging a deeper and earlier grave, hooray!

Sincerely,

The Cutie Mark Crusaders

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To the Cutie Mark Cult,

Look, I don't care about your tale regarding a griffon wanting a mark, faking getting one, you initiating her into your little club and having that town throw her a party. What upsets me is you bashing me over my love of cake. Remember this you sorry ass cunts, I am IMMORTAL, got it? I will continue to live on long after you three are dead and rotten!

Immortal Unlike You,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

You're not going to believe this but Fluttershy let me have some visitors! Yep, the CMC came by and told me about that griffon getting a mark and I was ready to do a full-scale research project on the event but then it turns out that griffon was a liar. Oh well, it was nice to have company outside of my friends and maybe something fun will happen again soon.

Sincerely,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Twilight,

I don't know why the fuck I am even bothering glorifying your letter with a response but I will say this, "Damn it sucks to be you!"

Happy I'm Not You,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Love able chaos]

Hey CMC you three leave Gabby alone, she's a adorable ball of sunshine and she's better than you three will ever be.