Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

The Hooffields and McColts

Dear Princess Bitchlestia,

Well the map has done it again, it called me away when I had spa time scheduled but then it did something that made me a bit happy, it called Fluttershy too. I don't know why the hell it called the two of us out to the Great Smoky Mountains but I did know one thing, maybe my time would finally come. I would have Fluttershy out there in all that nature and maybe she would finally realize the time had come for her to be my friend.

I was shocked when she was actually happy to go with me, especially given how much I had been hitting on her. Now for what was crazy, when we got out there we discovered that a couple families of hillbillies were engaged in some sort of feud. Seriously, the map called us out there to simply get some undesirables to get along? Given the nature of these idiots, I realized that this would likely not be easy and it turned out I was right.

I swear, those ponies were complete morons. One family could grow food so quick they could solve Equestria's hunger problems overnight were launching pumpkins at the other family and they could just throw rocks at the others and ruin their house. The others were such master builders that they could probably put up a whole city quicker than the Apples can raise a barn.

Naturally I was irritated that Fluttershy wanted us to stay and finish our mission but I thought that if we just hung around long enough for PETA Girl to get these hicks to see the error of their ways that she might be willing to let me initiate her on the balloon ride home. As it turns out, their feud has done a number on the animals there and something about that must have hit them just right, PETA Girl got them to call a truce, help one another and help the animals.

Well we did finish the map mission but I was unable to complete my real mission. On the way home I grabbed her and tried to initiate her but she threw me out of the balloon. Even worse I was unable to catch myself in time and I hit the ground. Now you should punish her for that, that is attempted assassination of a princess! What should her punishment be? It should be forced initiation and then torture in my dungeon!

All I can think of is that the trip was a total waste because all we did was get some mindless hillbillies get along and I was nearly murdered by PETA Girl. Unless her and I actually become friends someday, I'm never going on another map mission with her, ever.

Upset I Couldn't Initiate PETA Girl,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

I'm sick of this shit. Twibitch and I get called by the map on a friendship mission yet all she tries to do the whole damn time is initiate me. This is proof that she can't even focus on her damn job, all she can focus on is my body and her needs to satisfy her sexual desires. I think you really need to replace her with somepony who is a jobs first type of pony. Yes I know she is a princess but couldn't you strip her of those wings, her title and that longevity spell you put on her?

In any other line of work she would have been fired for sexual harassment but you have constantly allowed her to do this ever since you cursed her upon us a few years back. Her job was to learn about friendship, not try to seduce everypony she finds hot, which are very few, and turn them into friends with benefits. Well I refuse to be reduced to some damn bootie call of hers like the spa twins and Cadence have. Unlike them, I do have enough dignity and self-respect to only give my body away after I meet the right mare and marry her.

Now take into account what I have told you. You can either do the right thing and punish her for this or I can expose you to all of Equestria for allowing this to happen. Hell I wouldn't be one bit surprised if you haven't been screwing your students for centuries and only banished Twilight here because she failed her bedroom exams and you needed room in your school to replace her. Whatever it is, you are a bitch, a troll and likely a complete nympho.

Despising Twilight and You,

Fluttershy

---

Dear Princess LoserLight,

Ok, the map sends you on a simple mission to get a couple of hillbilly families engaged in a ridiculous feud yet all you can do is attempt to initiate Fluttershy? For starters, you were on the job and you should know that engaging in such activities on map time is highly illegal. Normally such an action would result in your termination, loss of your title, loss of your wings and revocation of your unnaturally long life but I hate you so much that I want to see you continue to suffer in your continued failure to initiate PETA Girl so don't worry, your job, however useless it may be, shall remain yours.

Now I know what happened and thankfully PETA Girl went with you on this mission or they would still be fighting and whoever you would have went with would have failed miserably and more importantly, made ME look bad. Don't worry, I'll keep your near failure a secret because if ponies learned about your incompetence, they would be demanding that I free you from your misery and I sure the hell don't need that kind of stress.

Always Disappointed in You,

Princess Celestia

P.S. With as much as you hate your life, I thought you would have been happy that PETA Girl attempted to kill you. Had she succeeded, you would have been free from her constant rejections so I don't see why you're so upset.

---

Dear Fluttershy,

Oh for the love of Faust, have you been taking bitching lessons from Twilight? Look, I know you're mad as hell that Twilight tried to initiate you on company time but please, try telling somepony who might give a flying fuck. To be honest, I don't care that she tried molesting you while you were on that mission because just like it is with the rest of you, I get a great amount of joy in seeing you suffer and be miserable.

Now I am glad that you can communicate with animals, got those families to quit fighting and got your asses to glow but what Twilight tries to do on these map missions is of no concern to me, as long as you succeed that is all that matters. To be honest, I love seeing you, just like the rest of your friends, I love seeing you be completely miserable and having to suffer through the shit she puts you through. You know, if you would just let her initiate you perhaps your misery will vanish and if you aren't that good in bed, she'll forget about it and merely view you as a co-worker she only wants to be around if it is absolutely necessary.

Now do me a favor and quit bitching about this or I will sterilize every single animal down there in Ponyville.

Loving Seeing You Suffer,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Regarding me screwing my students and me banishing Twilight for failing her bedroom exams, I plead the Fifth!

Comments

[Ri2]

And once again Celestia is a horrible person. This is who's in charge of the nation?

[MDCommissioner]

Dear Princess Book Horse,

Stop trying to initiate with my waifus! They don't want any of your nympho strange so take a hint!

Sincerely, A Passing Through Character

(Yeah.....I wanted to do this at least once. )

[StormLuna]

9068498

Just wait, things will change when it comes to Twilight. First in season six but then in season seven things between Twi and Tia will finally change.

9068546

Give Twilight a break, she isn't up in Canterlot with her "friends" anymore so she is bound to be needy.

[Ri2]

9069026
Twilight tried to RAPE Fluttershy. And when Fluttershy tried to report on it, Celestia told her she doesn't give a shit about it or anything else. That's unforgivable.

[zalokin]

Fluttershy throws her out of the ballon....Wow, Twilight has shit for brains. SHE HAS DAMN WINGS, FREAKING ALICORN MAGIC!!!! She could've just teleported back to the ballon or fly back to it, used ther magic to have Fluttershy at her mercy and initiate her all the way back to Ponyville.

[StormLuna]

9491461

Twilight went into a panic when Flutters threw her out of the balloon and the thing is, Twi wants something real with Shy. If she didn't, she would have initiated her immediately after her ascension. Twilight simply likes to bitch.