Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone

Dear Sunbutt,

I am not a happy pony and I will tell you why. That damn map decided to call two of my acquaintances to go on a mission to Griffonstone when it knows damn good and well that I was hoping to go there, round up a few undesirables, arrest them for simply being alive and torture them. With that being the case, I decided to do the one thing that would be better than torturing undesirables, going to the spa!

I guess this episode wasn't a total loss although I really should have played a bigger role in it, such as bird exterminator. Perhaps I will have to go abduct a few of those undesirables on my own time and give that druggie I'm torturing some company.

Wishing I Could Torture Some Griffons,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Starbutt,

It looks like we are in agreement on something, I'd like it if I could torture some griffons as well. I never have liked those things, nothing more than a bunch of inferiors who think that they are even remotely on par with ponies. Oh well, you can't win them all. I must say I am impressed, for once you are putting much more socially acceptable desires ahead of trying to initiate PETA Girl. Good luck on eventually going out and torturing some griffons.

In Agreement With You for Once,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

We are happy to report that we finished our map mission and it wasn't that golden idol that the griffons needed, all they needed was each other and Gilda needed baking powder for those scones. Even better, Gilda and I are friends again and to top that, she is friends with Pinkie now too.

We are hoping that this can be the beginnings of improved relations between us ponies and the griffons. I know you aren't exactly fond of them but Equestria needs all the allies it can get, right?

Hoping For Better Relations With Griffonstone,

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash

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To Crash and ADHD Girl,

While I am glad you were able to complete your map mission let me say the following.

Griffonstone is part of Equestria so they technically are Equestrian citizens even though they are undesirables. I also don't care how our relations with them are given that there are so few of them, I'm sure if you sent me there on a search and destroy mission, I could drive them to extinction in one day. Third, I don't give a shit that you two befriended Gilda, it doesn't affect my life any.

However, I would appreciate it if you could go and boast to Twilight how you finished this map mission. She is feeling rather miserable right now and I think some arrogance on your part is exactly what she needs.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Speedy Silverstreak]

Hey. The one chapter where Twilight doesn't bitch about her life. Sweet.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program

[Ri2]

...Celestia and Twilight are horrifically racist. Not just racist, this is like Nazi-level racist. Torturing and murdering griffons for existing? Really?

[sykko]

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