Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

The Gift of Maud Pie

Dear Princess Trollestia,

Ugh, here we go again. Here we have yet another episode where they exclude me. Do they not get that I am the reason this show exists? I get it, they think Rarity and Pinkie going to go meet Pinkie's boring as hell sister is more important than focusing on me. Oh well, when this episode's ratings suck, Hasbro can't blame me.

Upset I Was Excluded Again,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Princess Celestia,

Well I do have some good news. I found a good place for me to open a boutique in Manehattan. The bad news, I had to put up with Pinkie, her annoying behavior and that boring sister of hers. I suppose this is my own fault though for deciding to go at the same time as Pinkie did but still, she could have behaved better while we were there.

I think she really needs to realize that the meaning of a gift is more important than if it is "better" than what somepony else got for her. She actually gave her party canon away just so she could give her sister a rock pouch to carry that rock of hers around in. Now I know why Twilight thinks she is an idiot and not all that bright. If she had an ounce of sense, she would have just knocked that creepy con-pony senseless and stole his rock pouch.

Oh well, all that matters is I found a place for my new boutique so I'd consider this trip a success.

Sincerely,

Rarity

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Dear Princess Celestia,

I feel awful. I wound up getting Maud two gifts in one day and since she gave the rock pouch back for my party cannon, I technically didn't get her anything. This is horrible but next year I'll really have to step things up. Maybe you could help me get something well in advance of our Pie Sisters' Surprise Swap Day so I won't be a big disappointment.

Sincerely,

Pinkie Pie

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To Equestria's Bitchy Princess,

*YAWN* You honestly think I care when I am almost always excluded? Look, I know you are always grumpy over this but I've said this before and I'll say it again, just go to the spa and everything will be just fine!

Sick of Your Bitching,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Rarity,

So you are doing well enough off that you can afford to open a third boutique? I am seriously considering doing an audit on the ones you currently run because I have a very strong feeling that you may be cheating on your taxes so you'll have the funds for this third one. Don't be surprised if you wind up being greeted by officials from the ERS one of these days demanding that you pay up.

You do know what the penalty for cheating on your taxes is, don't you? With most ponies, it would be five years in the dungeon but I think something much worse would be appropriate for you, forcing you to move into Twilight's bedroom and be her slave. Now I will be nice and give you a week to provide proof that you are not cheating on your taxes before I do the audit since I am in a good mood.

Now think about Sweetie Belle, would you really want her to be traumatized with the fact that her older sister is a tax cheat and the slave of the most hated princess in the land?

Ready to Audit your Boutiques,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Pinkie Pie,

You know what your problem is? Your problem is that you are far too eager to please that sister of yours. I am pretty sure that she would have loved any gift from you because it came from the heart. I know you meant well but you could probably give her a rock off the sidewalk and she would have been happy and appreciated it.

Now I am sorry Pinkie but I will not help you acquire something for this ritual you two do every year, that is your problem, not mine.

Not Caring About your Problem,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Speedy Silverstreak]

I now claim to have the first ever stock car track in Equestria. It's location is in Ponyville.

Yay me

[Ri2]

9079730
On the contrary, I like her just fine.

YOUR Celestia, on the other hand, is a horrible irredeemable cruel, petty, selfish, spiteful, heartless bitch with no positive qualities. And we're supposed to think she's funny?