Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Party of One

Dear Princess Celestia,

I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie's ADHD is worse than I thought. Get this, just as I was reading a book about how to really get Aloe and Lotus to try something extra freaky, she knocked on my door and did a singing telegram inviting me to her idiot alligator's birthday party. My very first thought was, "Seriously, you're making a big deal out of a birthday party for a brain dead alligator?"

After some careful thought and discovering there would be cake, I decided I would go. I am going to blame you for my love of cake but hey, at least I don't gorge myself on it everyday like you do. Regarding the party, it was full of lame party antics such as dancing, lame games and horrid music. I suppose it is my own fault for having to put up with that crap when I could have gone to the spa instead and had some fun.

To make matters worse, that idiot woke me up early the next morning to invite me to an "after-birthday" party for Gummy. Who in their right mind throws "after-birthday" parties? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised given that Pinkie is the least intelligent and most irrational of my acquaintances. Now this time I was prepared, I brought all my books out and said I had fallen behind on my studies.

Now of course that was a lie as it was actually her birthday. Can you believe it? That idiot actually forgot her own birthday because of her obsession over her dumb alligator. Also believe it or not but my acquaintances and I were throwing her party together at Sweet Apple Acres.

Now I didn't see it all happen but when Crash finally drug her over, she looked like she could literally kill somepony but hey, at least her mane and tail were styled much, much better. That cotton candy mane and tail is just so damn immature and ugly. We all know that my style is the best, right?

Finally we threw the party and while I may have looked happy, I wasn't. I sacrificed spa time again! Now I know I'm going to owe Aloe and Lotus a huge apology and likely have to allow them to dominate me and be rough but still, it will be worth it in the end. They are my only friends in this dump and I certainly don't want to lose them.

Frustrated that I Attended Stupid Parties,

Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

My friends are total bitches for lying about not being able to attend Gummy's after-birthday party. I may look all cheerful again but I really feel like spilling some blood, theirs in particular.

Suddenly Bloodthirsty,

Pinkamena Diane Pie

---

To My Frustrated Student,

Now why the hell would you attend stupid parties when you could have went to the spa instead? Now yeah, I would choose an activity with cake first but with you, I thought you'd rather eat Aloe and Lotus than cake. Perhaps I rubbed off too much on you and I am not happy about that. You aren't worthy of being like me, anything like me.

Good job making up a decent lie to prepare for Pinkie's party but I must say, you didn't cover your tracks very well. I was spying and she knew what all of you were up to. Now yeah, she is admittedly a moron but not a completely clueless one. Thankfully she saw all of you though, seeing her go all batty was rather entertaining. I do agree though, that cotton candy mane and tail is rather ugly. It is no wonder you don't want to initiate her as a friend, I wouldn't want to either.

Now remember Twilight, we need to meet up and discuss a way to troll those acquaintances of yours at the Gala. I normally don't like even associating with him, but I'm thinking we should include my nephew in this. I will tell you later when we all meet up.

Ready to Troll,

Princess Celestia

---

To my suddenly bloodthirsty serf,

I know you're thirsting for blood but if you just have to murder somepony, please kill Twilight and only Twilight. I am sick and tired of her constant bitching and I secretly know that the five of you really don't care for her either. Don't worry about disposing of the body or anything, I'll pardon you once you are arrested.

Your Fellow Twilight Hater,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Ri2]

So with one hoof Celestia is planning to work with Twilight, and with the other, kill her. What would it take for her to approve of Twilight?

[StormLuna]

8910773

If Celestia truly wanted to kill Twilight, she could easily do so. She is really more just wanting to make Twilight's life a living hell than anything else. She didn't really mean for Pinkamena to kill her although wit the way she is in that state, Pinkamena would probably take that more as orders than just her trolling.

[Ri2]

8911107
OK, but what would it take for her to stop hating twilight?

[StormLuna]

8912285

For Twilight to humble herself and stop viewing herself as superior to everypony else and actually befriend her acquaintances.

[Ri2]

8912339
But I thought Twilight WAS superior

[StormLuna]

8912377

In Twilight's eyes yes but in Celestia's eyes, Twilight is below her just like everypony else. Also regarding Celestia stopping hating Twilight, it is part of this fic to add to the adversarial relationship and creates the unpleasant correspondence to things. It would likely be in season 9 when they truly mend their fences.

[Dashie04]

My friends are total bitches for lying about not being able to attend Gummy's after-birthday party. I may look all cheerful again but I really feel like spilling some blood, theirs in particular.

Ah yes, the classic Cupcakes storyline.

[Scoots_went_burrr]

Is it bad I was watching Party Of One during this??

Haha...

FUN