Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Apple Family Reunion

Dear Princess Celestia,

Damn it, it has happened again! Once again that bitch Cindy Morrow has excluded me from an episode so she can focus on the Apple Family. That is twice this season, twice! I am going to assume that you are having her do this to spite me. Seriously though, why the hell would some dumb family reunion involving the Apples be more important than me? Does she not know that I am Lauren Faust's ultimate creation? Without me, she would NOT have a job here because there would be no show.

However, I am not thrilled with Spike and his treasonous ways. He had the audacity to go and start a fire for the Apples yet they didn't invite me to do anything! They could have at least invited me to get a head count on the number of family members that came since none of them can count that high. What a bunch of assholes, maybe I should poison their damn cider the next time they have their big day.

Look at the bright side though, if I poison their next big batch of cider, it will kill this town off, you will have no choice but to let me come home and I'll be free of this shit.

Hoping I can Poison Some Cider,

Twilight Sparkle

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To My Whiny Little Student,

Listen to me Twilight and you listen close. Once again you are bitching about something I have no control over and over an issue that I don't give a shit about. I get it, you are upset that Cindy Morrow despises you just like everypony else does but look at it this way, you could be in my situation and almost never get any screen time. Perhaps I should speak to the writers and get them to exclude you as much as they do me, that would definitely shut you up.

Oh and don't even think about poisoning that cider and killing off the whole town. If you do that, I will banish you to Appaloosa and force you to live with Braeburn and have him work you to death in that orchard they have down there. Remember that before contemplating mass murder.

Planning on Punishing You,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Applejack,

I know your family reunion turned out to be a disaster and your family is likely hoping that somepony else will be in charge of the next one. If they bitch to you too much about how bad it was, just threaten to invite Twilight to the next one and they'll shut right up.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Princess Celestia,

Y'all should know that I'd never invite Twilight to a family event. For starters, she ain't family and I know my family would hate her as much as I do. To be honest, I'd invite Flim and Flam before I would that whiny little bitch.

Your Honest Subject,

Applejack

Author's Note:

Productivity is overrated.

Sometimes the family tree has branches you never knew existed.

Comments

[dragondarko]

Carrot top, Cloud Chaser & Bon Bon are related to the apples!? Oh man, shpiping just got a whole lot more awkward for people. But whose's the other one that's circled? I don't know her name.

[StormLuna]

9005030

I'm not sure who the one playing the fiddle is. To be honest, I thought she WAS related to the Apple Family. Also, I can't help but wonder who the mule is there in the back. He looks a lot like the groundskeeper in "The Best Night Ever."

[Dashie04]

9005074
It’s an Octavia palette swap that the fandom refers to as ‘Fiddlesticks’.