Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Secret of My Excess

Dear Princess Celestia,

I do have a question, why is it that when you were teaching me basically everything there was to know, why didn't you teach me about how dragons can be greedy little bastards? I thought all was fine when I decided to hold a birthday party for Spike but then after my acquaintances gave him gifts and the Cake family gave him a cupcake covered in gems, he suddenly started stealing basically anything and everything. Hell he even wanted one of my books to add to his stash of shit and he doesn't even like to read!

One fun thing I must let you know is that I wasted government funds by taking him to a doctor for foals and then the vet before finally hauling him out to Zecora's and learning about a dragon's true nature. That is pretty bad when you, allegedly one of the smartest ponies out there, failed to tell me something so basic and I have to learn it from a zebra.

Once that was taken care of, the little bastard wound up stealing things from all most of my acquaintances, although I think that stealing Rarity is likely the worst of them. I know he has a crush on her but please, she ain't going to want to deal with him when he is likely going to eat her.

I don't know what the hell caused him to snap out of beast mode and return to being tiny again but I almost had to get a new assistant and we almost needed a new Element of Generosity because both Spike and Rarity nearly went splat. Too bad Crash and Fluttershy had to save them, well Rarity anyway. Having her being replaced by Twinkleshine would have been sweet.

I have decided that after this, I will no longer allow Spike to have any gifts for his birthday or anything else for that matter, with the exception of just a book from me. Perhaps that will keep him in check from now on.

Owner of a Bad Dragon,

Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

Could you please tell Twilight to keep her dragon in check? He stole apples, he scared ponies and he ponynapped one of us! We know that dragons do get greedy but please, he even stole the water tower and the town's emergency siren. We do not need this in Ponyville. To be honest, perhaps you should just let her go back home since all she does is bitch about how she hates it here and merely tolerates our presence....actually no, PLEASE take her off our hooves, we don't feel like dealing with her anymore!

Sincerely,

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity

---

To My Bad Dragon Owning Student,

If I remember correctly I did teach you about that not too long after you hatched Spike but given that you were just a little filly, you probably weren't paying attention to me. What a shame I didn't start hating you back then. However, given that Zecora knew about a dragon's true nature, I would think that ANYPONY would know they will get greedy if you start giving them too much stuff.

Yes I know he stole plenty of stuff, including the water tower so that is old news. However, I do plan on raising your parents' taxes until enough revenue is generated to replace the water tower down there. I do agree that he should not be given anything more than one book on special occasions but I would also advise keeping him locked in that dungeon of yours to keep him from seeing Rarity, I think she may be a bad influence on him.

Oh and don't forget about him traumatizing some of your acquaintances too. Yeah I honestly don't care about any stress they may have gone through but it isn't my job to provide them with counseling or whatever it would be that would calm them down so it will be up to you to find them a counselor.

Mildly Annoyed,

Princess Celestia

P.S. Had Rarity went splat, I would not have replaced her with Twinkleshine. I would have found some other prissy unicorn that you would be completely incompatible with to curse upon you. Twinkleshine has done nothing wrong to warrant banishing her to that backwater town and besides, I do not want to reward you for being a total bitch all the time.

---

Dear Twilight's Acquaintances

I am sorry to hear that Spike caused some of you so many problems but let me make myself clear, I am not going to take Twilight off of your hooves. You have not done anything to warrant me rewarding you in such a way nor has Twilight done anything to warrant being allowed to come home. Besides, she has mentioned learning enough to ascend herself and overthrow me so she has been deemed a threat to national security. Sorry but you're stuck with my bitchy little student!

Signed,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Cloudy Arrow]

PLEASE take her off our hooves, we don't feel like dealing with her anymore!

Sincerely,

This is honestly my fav line of the entire series as it shows that Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity cant stand her as much as it seemed. Also I cant wait for Putting Your Hoof Down, Ponyville confidential, & A Canterlot wedding
P.S In Putting Your hoof Down will New Fluttershy have Some sort of interaction with Twilight

[StormLuna]

8933540

Regarding the ones you mentioned, I have them all written out already. I have everything up through "Princess Twilight Sparkle" done and I am just releasing them one a day. I do think you will like those though.

[Ri2]

Why does Celestia keep punishing Twilight's poor parents for her daughter's actions?

And what, their defeating Discord and saving her sister isn't worth taking Twilight home?

[StormLuna]

8938556

Nope! You have to understand how Celestia is here. She is nothing like the show Celestia. Her primary goal is to make Twilight's life a living hell....and punish her parents monetarily if Twilight or Spike does any damage.