Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Too Many Pinkie Pies

Dear Princess Celestia,

Here we go again, Pinkie Pie is proving that her ADHD is getting worse. I was practicing my magic and there is Pinkie running around being a complete idiot and having this desire to give me a hug. Seriously, why the hell does she want to give me a hug? If she thinks she is going to get into my coat she is sadly mistaken. I have very high standards and out of all these acquaintances I have to deal with, only PETA girl meets them.

After running her off I tried working on turning an apple to an orange until she had to show up again and I wound up turning some critter into an orange. Oh well, shit happens and I honestly didn't care. It's not like turning birds and frogs into oranges is going to hurt anything.

Now what made me realize that she is even dumber than I ever imagined is that she thought she could get from Sweet Apple Acres and help with a damn barn raising to some pond where Crash was going to be jumping in the water in a matter of seconds. I swear, I honestly think that she has a serious crush on Crashie. Maybe if I'm lucky she will leave me alone and go and try to get in her coat instead. I've known she's wanted to get in her coat ever since she was jealous of Gilda but I haven't said anything about it.

Ugh, what happened next? The little bitch decided to make copies of herself in the mirror pool so she can make all our lives hell at the same time. I am honestly thinking you need to replace the Element of Laughter down here with Minuette. Not only is she always happy, but she is more rational, she is a member of the master race, she is hot and she is good in the sack. Yeah she is a little more dominating than I would like but that would still beat having to put up with a cotton candy maned idiot.

Now I know I normally don't give a shit about this town but I almost felt bad that Pinkie and her army of clones were making everypony miserable, almost. Good thing is, I found a way to send these annoying copies of her back into the mirror pool from which they came. The bad news, my other acquaintances didn't want me sending the real one back so I simply couldn't send them all back and then send you a letter saying to send Minuette down here ASAP.

Now how did I determine which one not to send one back? I decided to make them watch paint dry and whichever one paid attention the longest must be the one who wants to hang around, make my life hell and keep a sexy blue unicorn up in Canterlot. Unfortunately the real one was discovered and now she is back to annoying me along with my inferiors.

Listen, you know how dumb the pink one is. Just replace her because at some point we may have to actually face a villain that won't fold like a lawn chair or be defeated by dumb shit like love. Just replace them all. Think of it this way, if all six of us were unicorns, we could be defeating villains before breakfast, hell we could probably defeat a dozen of them all at once! Take that into account and once you have decided that my idea is better, which should be ASAP, send my old friends down here and we'll be all set! The villains would be begging us for mercy!

Annoyed By Pinkie,

Twilight Sparkle

---

To My Annoyed Student,

I am sorry, well not really, that you and that whole community were annoyed by the least intelligent of the Element bearers. Look, I know she ain't the brightest bulb in the box and is by far the most likely to annoy other ponies but I am not going to replace her, especially with the pony you want me to. Minuette has done nothing to warrant me banishing her to that eyesore and besides, she is one of my best students. There is another reason that I can't replace any of them except for Rarity with a unicorn. You know that if the whole two of each race thing is not adhered to, those Elements likely won't work and Equestria would really be screwed then.

Now I was watching from my balcony and I see what you mean regarding Pinkie wanting to get in Rainbow's coat. She has some serious issues, including an obsession over a sub-par flyer that really needs to be dealt with. That however is not my problem so I don't know why you're bitching to me about it. I'm sure there is likely a therapist down there that you could direct her to that would take care of this character flaw.

On a final note, I am going to let you know that I am extremely disappointed in you. I can't believe that the pony who was my star student couldn't even handle the simplest transfiguration spell. I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if that street magician that harassed you earlier could do that. Now normally I would kick such a sub-par unicorn out of my school but I don't want to take away the misery that you are going through, it is simply too entertaining.

Your Disappointed Overlord,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Speedy Silverstreak]

Listen, you know how dumb the pink one is. Just replace her because at some point we may have to actually face a villain that won't fold like a lawn chair or be defeated by dumb shit like love.

Mlp movie anyone?

Also I can't wait for Twilights ascension to alicornhood because I know the one key factor where Celestia will be dubbed the biggest troll in Equestria.

[aline1]

8962798

For my part I have to wonder if Twilight's future castle is the tree of harmony trolling Celestia though if this twilight indeed does the whole give all the power in twilight's kingdom like canon twilight I am picturing this Celestia having a blue screen of death reaction and needing her mind to reboot.

[StormLuna]

8962798

Listen, you know how dumb the pink one is. Just replace her because at some point we may have to actually face a villain that won't fold like a lawn chair or be defeated by dumb shit like love.

Mlp movie anyone?

I'm thinking more along the lines of Tirek actually since he was harder than hell to defeat.

8962798

Also I can't wait for Twilights ascension to alicornhood because I know the one key factor where Celestia will be dubbed the biggest troll in Equestria.

Well I've started releasing season 3 episodes so you won't have too much longer to wait.

8962841

For my part I have to wonder if Twilight's future castle is the tree of harmony trolling Celestia though if this twilight indeed does the whole give all the power in twilight's kingdom like canon twilight I am picturing this Celestia having a blue screen of death reaction and needing her mind to reboot.

Just wait, I already have it written but it will be a while until I release it!