You owe me big time for this! And I’m so holding you to it! The next time I visit I expect a huge party and I don’t care if my humie or Lulu’s are there or have anything against it!
Simile
I don’t know what horror talking about, but hearing you call my aunt “Lulu” is making me want to barf :/
LightSparkle
Well, you better get used to it! After what I’ve been through I intend to smooch her in public!
I went to speak with my father again. Good thing he has the ego of a small continent. I apologized for my “disappointing behavior” and asked him for advice. Five hours! I had to listen to brainless lecturers for five hours! I don’t even want to remember all the things I had to hear. Finally, he gave me a few crumbs.
Are you ready?
So we’ve been wondering why the Windigo is so different from other windigos? Well, it turns out they aren’t different. Or rather not quite. The windigos we have come to know and expect are in fact all dead. As in literally dead! Yes, I’m not making this up! According to my father they are the spirits of windigos that have been killed, that’s why we can only chase them away most of the time.
Simile
Huh?! If this is one of your pranks, I’ll go there and... I don’t know what I’ll do exactly, but it will be painful!
LightSparkle
Ha ha. I’m shivering. :/
And if you so much insist I can drag you to my father for you to hear his advice as well. He really likes to talk about his accomplishments. Like, I get it, he’s done some relatively important things, but he goes on and on and on!
Simile
Believe me, I feel you...
So the windigos we knew are all dead?
LightSparkle
Seems like. Apparently that is the windigo purge. It happened around the time the Crystal Empire was established. Dad claims he wasn’t involved “in the project” anymore, but it had something to do with anti magic protection. His theory is that Sombra messed something up (dad really hates him) and ruined everything. He can’t be sure, of course, but he’s basing his suspicions on what followed. Around the same time Sombra went insane, declared himself king, seceded from the rest of Equestria, and declared war on Celestia and Lulu.
Simile
That’s definitely not what I was taught growing up. Actually, I wasn’t taught anything about the Crystal Empire, although there were some Sombra references in some of the books mom gave me. I always thought that Sombra was an alicorn back then, Nightmare Moon being a thing and all.
That still doesn’t explain what the Windigo is. Well, it does, but not what we do about it. The last living Windigo and we’re trying to figure out how to destroy him before he freezes Equestria for good.
LightSparkle
Tell me about it :/
And that whole Spike affair. Lulu is still furious. I don’t know what’s so special about that little dragon, but he gets under everypony’s hide. Even I feel both sorry and annoyed at him. He can’t even breath enough fire to roast a marshmallow.
Also he steals too much of the spotlight! He’s incredibly popular in the Crystal Empire. Like, you wouldn’t believe! He’s bigger than MC! There’s a giant statue of him in the capital! Giant dragon statue!
After today I’ll ask Lulu to make me a giant statue in Canterlot. It doesn’t have to be of crystal. Marble would do fine. Oh and it must be at a central location… maybe the palace or the city center… or both!
Simile
You really are something... :/
LightSparkle
Well excuse me for being stressed! Thinking such things help me relax! I’m not an idiot! I thought you knew me better. I talk these things nonstop because I’m scared. And because I feared that no matter what I do I’ll always remain a disappointment.
Well, guess what. I am! (As my father keeps reminding me.) He thinks it’s so easy nowadays. “Back in my day I invented three schools in magic” Well, I didn’t! So what? Should I trot in a river? Did he ever learn dreamsculpting? No! Did he ever do tricks? No! But of course, what I do isn’t “real magic”!
Simile
Have you been drinking?
LightSparkle
Give the mare a prize! I can only stand myself when I’m drunk! And you know precisely what I mean! You’re just as messed up! Haven’t you noticed? You, me, TrueSparkle, Lulu... we’re all royally messed up one way or another. That’s why we’re so good friends.
We understand each other! We know what it’s like! Dark, Mighty, Code, the others... they have no idea. They haven’t been is someone else’s shadow, not like we have. They haven’t messed things up just to try and get a crumb of attention...
And now we might freeze to death. Well we won’t freeze to death. Never to death. We’ll just get very very close... before my dad and your mom suddenly appear an do one of the things they aren’t supposed to be able to do. And then life will get back to normal... like it always does.
Simile
You really are drunk. Where are you? Are you on Earth?
LightSparkle
Nope. I’m in Canterlot in a pub somewhere... I bought all the booze there was. My stomach hurts like Tartarus, but it’s finally starting to have an effect. Don’t ask me how much this cost. Good thing RRBB pays well.
Do you know that idiot’s expecting foals? It’s supposed to be a huge secret. Like she got Lulu and discord to do something and now poof. Foals. Stupid time to have them. If I ever have foals it’ll be after the crazy freezing Windigo is done freezing, and way after my dad goes somewhere else in time to research the next big thing.
Simile
Stay there, I’ll be with you in a moment. And then I’ll have a talk with Mom and DarkSparkle.
LightSparkle
Surprisingly lucid for someone drunk at a random pub. Also poor Spike, someone’s always mad at him.
8582205
8582009
Not everyone is a sloppy drunk. Hell some people can do things drunk that they aren't able to do so well such as playing the piano. Not only that, but just because you're drunk doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to type so well or at least be able to correct your typos. Notice how there's no time stamps, so she could be taking an extra 2-5 minutes each post. Not only that, but she's a Unicorn so she wouldn't even need to be that accurate with the help of magic. She's drunk, but she's that Talkative Drunk stage, NOT Sloppy Drunk as in unable to walk without falling over.
8582329
The whole “more lucid while drunk” thing is a bunch of hogwash. Sure some people can hold alcohol better, but after a certain blood alcohol level most people would be lucky to string a couple of coherent sentences together. I will however buy into her not being completely hammered and being a unicorn.
8582317
It's all part of the ploy to escape the gary stu disease. He messes up real badly to balance the karma he has since Gauntlet of Fire and Dragon Quest showcase when an episode is about him he can do and think for himself. Albeit it is really badly balanced so it helps him out a lot more.
8582401
I never said she's not drunk, but there's different levels to drunk and I imagine being a powerful unicorn would make it easier to cheat in certain ways, such as "typing" properly.
This is intresting and somepony should punish Starswirl for not revealing this information sooner.
Well. I can only imagine what that was like, discovering that killing them didn't actually do much outside of making them harder to deal with.
ISWYDT.
Well, Simile, next time am empire comes bake from a 1000-year magic-induced dormancy, you can deal with it. Also, save a stadium full of ponies from an ice meteor, that'll help.
So I guess that would make them windighosts, then?