• Published 27th Dec 2016
  • 7,931 Views, 3,786 Comments

Equestrian Fanfiction - Lise



The life and times of Lyra's fanfiction site.

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Sorry, everyone. :(

I know you expected me to make a review, I really do, but I just can't. The chapter hit me too hard from the start :( Twice I stopped reading, and I still haven't gone past the hospital point. :((( Why did they have to start with an Omni flashback? It's not the first time (they did it for Blazen) but describing the life of a sick child... it's just too much for me.

Sorry

PrinceEric

@PrinceEric: :( Yes, it can have that effect. I read it in one breath and it was quite the emotional rollercoaster. The writing was really good. Too good. I have the feeling that the author has experienced something similar firsthoof. (I pray to the Stars I'm wrong about this.) I can only say that it gets much better after the nosebleed scene.

LyraHands

@LyraHands: I'll try. Thanks, Lyra. Maybe somepony else could do this week's reviews/analyses?

@DarkSparkle: Maybe you have something?

PrinceEric

Well, I'm not Dark, but I'll have a go. Besides, I loved this chapter. (It's so my type of thing!)

The chapter starts with Omni as a child. He's in his room, playing a board game with his brothers (mostly being annoying) when he suddenly has a seizure. Vita phones their parents then gets Omni in his car and drives to hospital. We then have a long scene depicting the sickness and the doctor's explaining to his parents that this was just a mild one and they recommend him remaining in hospital for an extended period of time to see if he'd be perceptible to some experimental treatment. A few rather depressing scenes follow with him nearly dying (once while going to the bathroom) and him coming to with the words "I don't want to live like this".

Fast forward to present day. Omni is having a smashing party with lots of chicks (I've been to one of those, they're cool), when he notices Eury among the crowd. His phone's battery out, so he chases after her in the alley. There she reveals she knows of his past and blackmails him into helping her. It's revealed Eury knows Poseidon (he's totally her ex, I think) and wants to stop him from getting the upper hand again. Omni agrees because he doesn't want anyone to find out about his sickness. (How they don't already is a bit sketchy.)

They seek help from Cassandra, who gives Eury a black box in exchange for part of her debt to Eury. (That girl has dirt on everyone. I like :)) Then they have Megan use the shatterstone to set them to the Hades reality. The interesting thing is that Eury doesn't need Earth, but instead goes to Equestria, yet in that version the Everfree forest is a desert.

A quarter of the book, the two march to the heart of the desert, fighting Sandwolves, dust roses and all sorts of other which represent the embodiment of sicknesses and negative emotions. (and getting help from nomad Zebra tribes). The more they travel the more they share about each other (there a a few almost shipping moments). They are told by a Zebran shaman that in order to reach the heard they must face the "Beast that hungers for Omni" (which is clear from now that it's the embodiment of his epilepsy). At the heart do the desert they try to set a trap for the beats, but it beats them up good. Eury manages to escape, dragging Ok I to safety, then heals him back to health. For the first time (I think) we see him crying on her shoulder, confessing the only reason he parties so much is because he's no idea what will happen to him and doesn't want to miss a moment.

They try to face the beast again, and get their asses kicked again. This time it's Eury who's almost killed. She uses some divine magic (wow) to make a sandstorm and flee, but is in no condition to do anything else. Semi conscious she tells Omni to use the box when he defeats the beast, then goes unconscious. Omni goes on a trip of self discovering (getting more advice from the Shaman) then faces the beast one last time. It's revealed the beast is him (well, his epilepsy which has been gnawing on him for so long that it's part of him). Accepting that (and possibly that he must live with it) he vanquishes it (no spoilers how exactly) and gets the Hopedasher.

As Eury is restored to health, she casts a time spell and they return to a minute after Megan split reality. Eury gives the box with the stone to Omni, they kiss (ha! Just kidding :)), and everything ends.

Well... then Icelos appeared out of nowhere and roasts her that she took too many chances. Eury just replies that it doesn't matter and that Omni will be the one to kill the Everprince.

---

There you go. Not the best writing, but you get the point. I really like the details. The author definitely knows what she's talking about. With that must rush to school. Midterm exams.

Ciao!

LightSparkle

@LightSparkle

They kiss

I like your style :) Is it just me, or does the story and the writing resemble My Rain of Daggers? Simile, care to share your thoughts?

Light, which school do you go to? I didn't know it was time for midterms...

InItForTheShipping

@InItForTheShipping: why, alicorn school. Of course ;)

LightSparkle

@LightSparkle: Of course... -.-

InItForTheShipping

@LightSparkle: Not a bad attempt, though I've seen better. You seem to focus a lit on the things you like, while skipping everything else. Like, for example, not a single mention if the Felina corp agents in the hospital...when Omni was five! I mean, come on, mare! At least be consistent!

And that whole he faints, she faints thing in the desert. You could have summarized it in one sentence. I take it you read the scroll during class and was scared not to get caught? Tsk tsk tsk. You're a bad pony :P

MixaMax

@MixaMax: And here we have grumpy puss again. Tell me, Max, are you this annoying by birth or have you been practicing? Seriously, it must take a spectacular talent to find something to be displeased about in everything.

Jade

What's that? Showing your inadequacy again, are you? I can say what I damn like and I won't take any fucks, least from you! If you bothered to read (weren't you supposed to be writing something that would impress me?) you'll see that everything I said is true! Just because you're so sensitive about it is not my or anypony's problem!

MixaMax

@MixaMax: says the stuck yo mare who kisses playcolt magazines! And don't talk to me like you've any idea about literature! I study this! You're a paper pusher who gets a high by testing down others!

Jade

@MixaMax, @Jade: You two...

LyraHands

@MixaMax, @Jade: Now kiss!

Brush

@MixaMax, @Jade: Now kiss!

InItForTheShipping

@Brush; Ha ha ha :) You beat me to it :D

InItForTheShipping

You better be careful! Else Lyra might lick the thread again! :P

RRBB

@REBB: Nah, Lyra only licks ears.

Brush

Can partially confirm!

Bob

And that's how Equestria was saved!

PPI

@PPI: I don't even... :)

InItForTheShipping

Author's Note:

I'm thinking of doing an Equestrian Fanfiction discord Sunday afternoon (morningish for the US) to coincide with the completion of the meetup.

What do you all think? :)

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