After being attacked by a Nightmare creature Naruto awakens to find himself in the magical nation of Equestria. Making the best of his situation he befriends its citizens and make a new life there unaware of the role he will play in its future.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great chapter, but you need to make a way to improve the transitions of your scenes.
I don't know if it was just me but this chapter was a bit difficult to follow
I think you may have left out scene breaks in this chapter. Made it kinda clunky.
5905597 I agree. Makes this chapter very confusing.
Love the story so far, man. Though maybe you could go back and edit this chapter, for the transitions, so future readers are not confused,ok.
please redo chapter
5907292
Breaks added.
5906906
Yeah I readded them.
5905597
It didn't transition over.
5905461
It didn't keep to transition for some reason.
How do deer rate then? or is Naruto confused?
5911466
Fixed it.
5816009
It took sixty five chapters before anything worth of sex happens, trust me not a problem. XD. If anything I have to finally get around to the payoff for all the setup.
i dont like the implications of the wandering writer....
5904202
It was the summer sun festival. Also there is more backstory to reveal in time.
5904203
I wanted to avoid informed ability/informed flaw and actually show a bond. Its always nice to see the moments described.
5904204
Never seen it so I wouldn't know. Also yeah, the differences helped high light each of the mares. Its a shame how cookie cutter female characters can be in harems.
5904205
I live for characterization. Its what I breath and do.
5904207
Thats exactly what I was going for.
5904209
Hey if the fanon is good, I can spin it around for a good cause.
5904215
The show's time table is completely screwed up. Development and season orders make no sense. I rearranged the episodes so they follow chronological/timeline order. '
5915893
I'm not sure I understand what you're saying with the order being screwed up, cause I think that it's just fine as it is. Could you possible explain what you mean a bit please?
5921983
Really dude? The showing order of the show is different from the production order. They don't follow any sense of time jumping from a spring episode one second to a winter one the next episode and stuff like that. Are you telling me you never noticed that?
5923055
Well, when you put it like that, it does make sense
And yes I've never noticed that and yes I'm and idiot for not seeing it and so on
Yay my OC!
So the OC’s finally show themselves. Got to be honest with you, I was starting to wonder when they were going to show up, glad to see my patience finally paid off, and I got to see my OC finally have some spotlight, so thank you for that…although it seems like some people don’t like his implications. Surprised though to see that Applejack has a bat pony for a cousin and I am curious to see why one of the condemned was tied up in the tent.
Are you still taking OCs?
Forgot that this chapter featured so many cameo's of OC's in a short amount of time. Candy and Emilie Core stood out the most seeing as they were given the most detail for their short appearances. It was also refreshing to see that Adrenaline Rush made a small but somewhat noteworthy cameo here in his initial capture. He was a fun read during the endgame arc for Season 2 and just name dropping him here worked well for his future deeds after getting broke out of prison.
There is a bit of a scene transition problem between AJ reuniting with Core and Naruto' squad battling the bandit forces that comes off as jarring but other then that little hiccup the chapter helped to subtlety build up some future events.