How far will one stallion run to escape what pursues him?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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4321110
She's a pegasus trapped in a unicorn's body, at least from her perspective.
I'll be honest with ya: I think that your writing is strongest when you don't have dialogue. When you describe things, you do it really well, and it seems a lot more effective at getting the point across. I'm not saying your dialogues are bad, per se, but just not as good as when you forgo them to just be descriptive of thoughts and actions.
... Aw, just inner monologuing and reflections... Drat.
4322117
It is funny you say that, I've had people tell me my descriptions need work and my dialogues are fresh and snappy.
Perspectives and all that.
I occasionally do chapters like these in a story because I live under the constant fear that I need to work on them to make them better.
Thanks!
4322121
But these are necessary!
Just imagine how confusing the birthday chapter might remain if things were left unexplained.
Really liking the dynamics of the biology being portrayed here and poor bucky doesn't stand a chance Lol
Your dexfriptions are wonderful, but your dialogue could use a bit of work.
I still like it, and it is still better than mine, but it's a bit less than your descriptive writing.
Also, dat biology.
4322182
Note to self, develop new psychological complex about my dialogue approaches.
Again, you manage to impress me by having a chapter with no dialogue. The dynamic works, I don't know how and I never will, but it works. Bravo.
Now then... still not sure about the Berry thing. I wanted Derpy and Bucky to have some more time to themselves, maybe letting Berry in at a later point. Of course, I could be reading to much into it like I did with RD and Twilight, but I'll just have to wait and see.
And that revelation about the school bullies... I can actually understand that way of thinking; Survival of the fittest. Not that it's right in a school environment, but it's there. Maybe the other foals need to turn their combined strength towards them?
4322217
Biology and magic conspires against them... Dun dun dun!
You sir are a god of this site for this fantastic fic. I love fic's that explore biological and cultural details, and I have yet to come across a chapter of this story that didn't entertain me for various reasons. I applaud you good sir.
I other words Berry would like to have brainsex with Bucky?^^ No offence, i find it just somehow funny.
I think i would hate it if the pheromone are that strong, i mean if you can´t decide if you want it or not.
Could you make a heading for another perspective? I could read it without but i think it would be better.
Maybe Bucky and sparkler should really talk, just to make her feel better.
I would even like to see, that they show themself her different table manners, i mean i would like to see, if they compare some things.
I don´t know what i want to say anymore, so i say simply that was a another good chapter without anything really bad in it.
4322217 ACTUALLY there was one line of dialogue, sparkler said "i'm hawt" to herself in the mirror :P but i do completely agree with the rest of your comment
I really like this story. I enjoyed the social misunderstanding the most. I am less sure of the biology. It makes the ponies seem slaves to it. More as if they were animals rather than beings of reason.
Also, the unicorns seem be getting the short stick as a race. Aloof, distant, and mental all sorts of messed up.
Rarity isn't like that. Her parents seem to love their kids. Again, that may a result of living in mixed experiment of Celestia.
Sparkler needs to learn some unicorn stuff. That will stop those body image issues.
4323187
What do you mean, Rarity isn't like that?
4323191
Didn't mean neurotic mess part. She totally is that.
I meant the unloving family part. Twilight's family it's hard to say, but based on the comics and what little we've seen on the show, they love her and Shining.
Rarity's parents seems very loving and normal. They just have no dress sense and may be from Wisconsin.
4323218
And in the story, there will be good unicorn parents. Like Rising Star's parents.
But this is a widespread problem...
4322217
Regarding the bullies part:
I would guess at some point the foals that make up the "protect the weak" herd are going to do what Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are subconciously trying to do.
Cull those two from the herd and leave them to "die", so that they won't be the cause of otherwise "mutually assured destruction".
seriously, I just caught up yesterday.... again...
HOW DO YOU KEEP BELTING THESE OUT SO FAST?!
for everyone who needs to know
Draught is pronounced as draft and may be spelled as draft in the US. Draught is mostly in the UK.
That makes Berry Punch a draft pony, a pony that is used for hauling cargo
Also, I believe that the chemical paragraph is a tad wordy. Might want to read that out loud to ensure the fluidity of the paragraph.
I had to register an account so that I could tell you just how emotional this story is making me. THE FEELS. I want to join the chase, but alack and alay, asthma (and /fictional/ characters).
Also, kudzu, you are a writing machine. Please don't overheat...and please don't stop.
.....so she wants to get laid while bucky explains the theory of relativity to her?
The second i read that i had a disturbing daydream of Sparkler out at night headed towards sugar cube corners basement and talking to pinkamena and getting some wings,,,,,then showing up the next morning with 4 bloody wings straped to her back
I just started reading this tonight and I can't stop!!!
I honestly was NOT expecting this to be this good! Holy crap! I mean, it can get a little expository but... totally worth it!
Wow... just... I am rooting for the characters to work out something mutually beneficial (which is the goal of the story, I assume since it is not a sad story). Well done sir!
Kudzu, your writing is as prolific as your username!
Also, is it really bad that I am reading the exposition in Princess Twilight's voice? You know, all academic, fascinated, yet emotionally invested at the same time?
Not sure if I like Berry Punch joining in. I'm going to hazard a guess and say you you have a degree in psychology. Am I right?
The wagon wheels creaked and squeaked, the axle needing greased.
"the axle needing to be greased"
forgot a few words in there
Diamond tiara is a poo
4322082 just out of curiosity, what do you do for a living?
I'm likely wrong and need to sleep so i can comprehend better, but does this mean that Berry, Derpy, and Bucky are going into a three way relationship? Is bigamy legal in Equestria?
Or am i high?
Anyways, that little bout of nonsense over with, onward to read more!
4325169 I've asthma, it ain't no real excuse, just know your limits and stick by them.
Welp, I don't comment very often, but I think this fic deserves it even from what I've read so far.
My thought processes can be pretty much summed up as follows:
Before I start: "Welp, I need something fairly established and I keep seeing people recommending/referencing this fic, it's high on my list, let's give it a go."
First chapter:
*singing along cheerfully*
Second chapter: "Hey, this is fun. How long is this again... TWO HUNDRED AND WHAAAAAAAA?!"
A few more chapters: "This is... absolutely not what I was expecting. This is about culture shock and differences and how people simply don't even understand that they don't understand.
THIS IS THE BEST THING. THIS IS EVERYTHING I LOVE."
I have a serious love of this theme and it's central on one of the fics I intend to write soon myself. My only real criticism is a problem I really haven't found a way around personally (the ease at which ponies come to explain things that they don't even understand need explaining, because they're just so self-evident) but already with Berry Punch in the mix as translator that problem is very quickly falling by the wayside, and I expect it'll improve further in chapters to come :)
It's now past midnight and I should have been asleep over an hour ago, but I'll probably be up a couple hours yet reading this.
(Also once more HOW SO MANY CHAPTERS argh... is not possible...)
the axle needing greased
One some level, biology understood that
1. The axle needing to be greased.
2. On.
Yes Sparkler, you're Hawt indeed.
Oh... I would /love/ a psychological centered chapter later! Man h man! Biology is cool and all! But, some things are also psychological. I WILL CONTINUE WITH GUSTO! I await for your promised Emotional Roller coaster!
Side Note: This story... It is really good! Lovely and greatly executed in a way it allows mt to read without feeling uneasy of nervous.
I love the world building of this story, non of the stories that go over the differences of the pony races that I've read have this level of complexity. I love it!
Ya know, everytime intincts seem to be played before me, I can't help but hear a Austrailan accent being said. Like a documentary off the Animal Planet... and I love it.
So far, the story is a little up and down for me. I found some chapters and sections very interesting and enjoyable, while other lacked various elements and seemed lackluster. Personally, I like your emphasis on internal character struggles, but I feel like I want more setting described to me. But I personally dislike this chapter. It feels like I'm reading a biology textbook rather than a fimfic. I would suggest being a little less cold and calculating when you describe the biological processes and functions of each pony. You take it to the extreme at times, which I found disorienting and frankly quite tedious. I also feel like these perspective changes are placed randomly at times. My suggestion is calculate when a change is needed to further the readers view on the event (you do that well, but some I feel you'd need to reorder). Anyway, I just wanted to share my view so far. Overall, I am enjoying it so far.
Well, I certainly didn't expect this when I started reading this. In a good way.
Wait, what do you mean, Chapter 12 already?
It's all about the chemicals.... Chemicals, chemicals, chemicals, chemicals. So many chemicals, the word actually seems pretty weird.
Man I am loving this, its got so much awesomeness in it!
Good lord all of these words involving chemicals and biology... *smoke flies out of ear*
My mind is being reconfiggered.
Nice job!
I'm loving all this biology and psychology
is the word 'filly' here really necessary since any teenage mom would be a filly?
Poor Sparkler is transpecies. My heart goes out for her, such a thing cannot be easy.
Every time I read Bucky's name I am reminded of Bucky Barnes.
4322131 your dialogues feel real and your characters feel alive when they interact, but that's not where I see the real gold in your writing. Your descriptions are on point and these sans dialogue chapters bring a beautiful angle to the story that I don't think I've ever really seen many people pull off. You maintain a balance between chapters with open character interaction and chapters that build upon the world and the deeper understanding of both the characters and the societal framework in which they live to the point where, even though I'm still so very new to this story, I'd dare say your writing style is that of a true master of their craft.
Cheers!
Diamond Tiara sounds like a robot.
Wow so far I have not been confused by any of the science in this story. In most stories I read I get lost somewhere along the line... But here I haven't! This is new to me. Let me read on to figure out why I am not lost yet in this story. Unlike most stories I read.
So much science in this chapter! To quote a certain comic:
new3.fjcdn.com/comments/No+regrets+_dd5a5f2466c0b66045f723bab65120c8.png
I must study more!
Wow, I am impressed, you've done away with the usual human-like traits that so many other writers use (no offence intended to said writers). Instead you use one one based on equine instincts. I like this fic...