How far will one stallion run to escape what pursues him?
Page generated in 0.087 seconds
Total duration
1,037 users online
2,110,986 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
.............................
....okay, that was bloody brilliant.
Sigh. Sorry, I'm out and I don't even feel the need to say why anymore. Keeping it favorited for the chapters prior to the last two, but I will no longer look for updates.
Nice save, I think I can understand Berry's perspective a lot better now. Maybe you should have combined the chapters?
thanks for the update!! I enjoyed it!
And I am getting off the bus at this stop. Sorry.
Enjoyed the ride until the last chapter. This chapter, all you have done is put your justifications from the comments and copy-pasted them into Rainbow and Twilight's mouths. You expect us to believe that Rainbow Dash, for all her flaws, would go to the house of a mare she's never met and attack her. Sorry, not jumping that gap.
And Twilight turning traitor to the Crown to protect someone she knows just committed a heinous crime? Really?
Oh and then trying to justify the beating by saying that the unicorn will be fine because she can afford to get fixed up? That's not how life or the law works! People go to jail even if their murder victim survives. It's called attempted murder.
And your call back to ponies fighting wars with pies is a little hypocritical given you've already established them killing each other via poison AND WE JUST SAW BERRY BREAK THE LEG OF AN OLD MARE.
So anyway, as I said. It was a good story, but no longer for me.
4385433
You didn't get what you wanted right away so you are leaving.
How unfortunate. I tried to tell you it was going to be complicated and it was going to take time. That wasn't enough for you. Good you are quitting now. Moral complexity is coming. It probably wouldn't be your thing.
No snark intended, my regards and best wishes.
Man, after 38 good chapters, a couple that are a little off aren't going to make me stop reading this story. And when I say a little, I mean a little. The excess violence is the only thing that bothered me at all, and the line immediately preceding it made me laugh so hard it tempered that somewhat.
....... bloody brilliant. The use of the different perspectives and the history behind them is intriguing. when different cultures meet and mingle there are always clashes. How there are dealt with however, speaks volumes.
4385590 I'm not here arguing about the story itself. You may be getting a lot of uproar over this, that can be hard, especially when it's on a project you've put so much effort into. But your responses have become increasingly out of line, and just generally condescending and extremely rude. Insulting the character and intelligence of people who disagree with or dislike your story.
That kind of vitriol does not contribute to a discussion, or reflect well on you. I'm pretty sure it's because of the stress of this much controversy, but it's unacceptable to cross over into ad hominem territory when Seether has still remained respectful. I'd hope you can maybe restrain some of this very unpleasant side of you that your showing. You may not like what they're saying about your writing, but he's not attacking you personally in such a dismissive fashion.
If you take issue with what they're is saying about your story then rip their argument a new one, don't lower yourself to petty insults. Saying 'no snark intended' doesn't negate the very obvious bitterness toward them.
While I'm not leaving the story, I must agree with Seether00 completely on his post. You basically turned Rainbow Dash and Twilight into your mouth-pieces, and before that passed this off as okay because they are not humans, but horses.
I'll keep this faved and watch for alerts, but son, I am disappoint.
Very nice. Just so you know your not getting all negative comments, I'll give my own impressions of this so far so we aren't too biased in the comment section.
The way I see it (as of right now), Twilight saw a great injustice in the system that she cared about so much. She loves Equestria. She loves Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. I highly doubt that she would make a decision like this lightly. However, she perceived this as the only answer to correct the broken system. So far, no violence has happened (except with Berry Punch). This is actually within Twilight's character in my opinion. She does have a strong sense of morality and seeing ponies being hurt by the system they live in would tear at her heart. I imagine her end-game would be to fix the broken system and re-unite with Equestria. I don't think the separation will last longer than the resolution to take place. Twilight is smart. She's grown up around Canterlot, and is probably very familiar with politics. In the world you've created that means that she is more than well aware of how noble families can abuse the broken system and get whatever they want.
Rainbow Dash is another issue that seems to crop up in the comments. Mainly, would Rainbow Dash actually resort to such violent measures? While this may be skeptical as to how far she actually would take it, I believe that she sympathizes with Berry Punch. She's the bearer of the element of loyalty and with the herd dynamic you've created in this story her loyalty to her family and friends and flock would always come first. She's fiercely loyal. I don't think she'd go so far as to start a war with another house, but that's because she has other options (one of her best friends being a Princess helps). She's also a national hero, so anyone trying to take something away from her that is rightly hers is likely to fail. Berry Punch doesn't have these options, and is deeply rooted in a traditional culture that can be aggressive when they need to be. This is why I think Rainbow Dash can sympathize with Berry Punch, even if I don't think she herself would take the same actions Berry did.
As far as the general direction of the story goes, I have a few things. I understand where you're taking this and it's been slowly building to this throughout the entire story. What makes this possible is the fact you've done so much world-building in the head-canon territory such that this actually doesn't break the flow of this story. I saw a conflict of sorts coming when I started seeing how you were building the world around the herd structures that failed and the discrimination against them. I think the turning point, where it was all made possible, was when Twilight found out about Fillydelphia and their callous practices. I'm trying not to make any connections to the real world here, because that would enter a whole different territory of politics. However, with the context you've built within the story, this turn of events doesn't seem out of place in my opinion. Sure, you could have gone the route of a political battle or something along those lines, but the possibility of actually getting a satisfying result from that would have been low unless you pulled a dues ex machina in the form of Princess authority.
Overall, I'm happy with where this is going so I just wanted to express this in my own perceptions and viewpoints. Don't get discouraged when people "fall off the bus" on things like this. It can be a controversial tone to take, but I think it was one worth taking. Looking forward to future chapters.
4385590 also, I'm sorry, but due to Berry's actions, combined with your words of how horses prove dominance...
I personally feel that Berry Punch of Clan Pickled lacks the emotional and mental control to deserve any right to be in a Herd. My faulty logic? You say that it's done to show dominance. If she's so ruled by emotion and instinct, there's nothing to stop her from kicking Derpy, Sparkler, or even growing foals such as Dinky in that manner, in defense/possessiveness of "her" stallion, because now he's been dubbed as property.
Worse, it shows exactly how broken Buckminster Bitters is, that he's simply going along with it. In a way, she's not repairing him. She's taking advantage of him.
Wow. Read all that... Nonstop from 2 in the morning to 7 in the evening, that was the best read I have ever had. No joke, and to be honest I feel better about myself... Or at least happy. Wishing to give you more than one thumbs up...
This is the most in-depth story, biologically and psychologically, I've ever seen on FIMFiction. I'm not giving it up because of a little rage. In fact, it makes me want to see what happens next all the more.
Huh. I had something witty lined up about how sometimes the old has to be torn down to make way for the new, but after reading the comments... Well, I remembered why I don't usually read story comments.
Don't worry, I'm not abandoning ship. If anything, I'm even more intrigued by where you go with this, especially with Twilight and Celestia. It's just that there's a weird cognitive dissonance when I enjoy something so many seemed to hate. On the other hand, this story consistently has quadruple-digit views, so it may just be a case of a vocal minority.
Oh, and remember, everyone:
Berry didn't commit assault. By the arcane rules of internal war, she attacked an enemy combatant. I think. I could be wrong here.
In any case, looking forward to more.
Oooook, suddenly the previous (rage) chapter makes a LOT of sense and seems a LOT more enjoyable...and please, can we have more, pretty please ?
4386291
Damnit man, this was supposed to be an important plot point later when something resembling a trial is held.
Oh well. Thanks for pointing this out.
But seriously, this really was supposed to be a major plot point brought up by Luna.
Luna knows war. And she's a smooth lawyer.
So... I had an idea to make everybody happy when I was out earlier. I erase 39 chapters, go back to chapter one, and edit in the words "The End."
That is where it should have ended right?
From my short little user bio.
The first chapter is a lure. Anything past that point is voluntary. Complaining just doesn't do anybody any good. Especially in detailed works like this one. Things are going to look bad because I am intentionally using misdirection to make them look bad at first, and then breaking them down into reasonable chunks.
It is the fucking pattern of this story. Something bad happens... Exposition. Hey! That was interesting. Something a little worse happens... Ooooh my jimmies are rustled... Oh hey that was interesting too. Ermagerd! I can't believe you did that! I quit! Boohoo... Meanwhile, the readers that show some patience are busy saying... "Oh. I'm glad I waited. That was interesting."
People haven't learned from the first dozen or so times I used intentional misdirection in the story. Hey, look at this hand, ignore what this hand is doing!
And the very worst of all misdirection is yet to come and the emotional gut check that is bound to come with it.
So... as the bus driver, I warning you as a final bit of civility... Get off, or hold on. We're going for a ride. Things are going to get a whole lot uglier. Like, you are going to scream my fucking name, hate me, and use me as a replacement for the antichrist. It was always the intention of this story. The real chase is all about the always illusive misdirection and then running after it, explaining as I go. And I am going to intentionally break as many societal mores as possible as I go, because: sociology and sociological imagination.
At this point, I hope the riders are well and truly prepared.
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-WHLXlXGTFvE/U18blAtquBI/AAAAAAAAAWY/S_IaPyRbei4/w440-h587-no/Herpaderp.jpg
Here is the asshole driving the bus. Ask my room mate. I am a terrifying driver. I rip through traffic at 60+ mph and take corners usually at speed. And I HAVE NO DEPTH PERCEPTION! So ride this bus at your own risk.
And yes, those are my real eyes. So don't ask.
Now can we just have fun now that I've gone through all the trouble of self depreciating humour? Pwease?
Oh, I am definitely seeing this to the bitter(heh) end. You've written an amazingly in-depth story that not only entertains but challenges perceptions and teaches(via comments, mostly. But comments are still part of a story).
Can't wait for more(and I won't have to given your spitfire publish rate).
Technically, a country within a country would be considered an enclave - being surrounded on all sides by one single nation. The Vatican is a grandiose example.
And I, for one, welcome our Everfree Enclave overlords... given if they take me prisoner as such ( Diplomacy my arse, Luna you wanted in on the fun!)
4386786
My body is ready. I have been reading this entire story days on end, non stop. Now, why don't you start writing more glorious, wonderful works of art?
oi59.tinypic.com/2ajantd.jpg
Can't believe no one has posted this yet...
And this started out as a sweet little story where Derpy and Bucky didn't understand each other's courting procedures.
4386786 I'm staying.
This is great.
This is light-years ahead of anything I have thought up... and to think 40 chapters in Two months! I'm totally ashamed its taken me so long to even start working on something, even with a decent idea to work from.
I would love to know more about the Apple Family and how the herd ban impacted them, they were mentioned briefly and applejack has made her first appearance (I think) so maybe a little history lesson about them?
This story had a lot of funny chapters, but this one almost killed me, when i choked on my sandwich. Ponyville prisons are brutal indeed.
i'll try to stay, the fact that Luna is no longer 'breaking' Bucky will help greatly with that because I just kept thinking, where is the line between his personality, and his neurosis. When are you healing him and when are you forcing him to be something he isn't just so you can get your way. Also i agree with some of what the others are saying, earlier whenever someone had a problem you provided an argument to point out its flaws, now you're just insulting them.
I think this next stuff is going to be difficut for me to read. Like I have said before, I think the ponies here are almost alien, and it's taking some effort to force myself to remember that they are ponies, not humans; and that my natural instinct to want to go down there and raze the entire lot of them - as I generally feel with humans - needs to be curbed. I think it's particularly jarring to me, because the pack mentality is something that is completely alien to me, even to the extent that umans do it. Overprotectiveness or even clannishness, in fact, tends to make me iritated or when in the daily over-used overprotective parents things (either when used as a point of "humour" in relationships or when it comes to children's punishment), burn with fury, as it often feels like some kind of declaration of ownership (and no sentient/sapient being has any claim over any others, regardless of genetics) in the former case and (as is the case more often in the real world) protection from the personal consquences of the protected one's actions. And I VERY big on people paying the consequences of THEIR personal actions - when I get angry at governments and companies, I do so not just at the nebulous thing, but at the people at every level who involved - the people that, in the end, CHOOSE to follow their instructions. ("I have no choice" always gets the response of "yes, you did. The fact that choices are not always equal does not matter. In the end you CHOSE to do that, and now you should face the consequences of that action.")
So I find it very difficult to find sympathy with Berry. It was, after all, a pre-emptive strike at best. But I find Twilght's abrupt succession from Equestria do be by far more damning. This is exactly the sort of closing ranks to protect individuals from the consequences of their actions I find utterly deplorable on a personal level.
So, like I say, I suspect the next little while is going to be hard reading for me: and your intention to stir up anger is certainly working. Though I should note it is anger at the PONIES and not the AUTHOR. So I still WILL be reading.
ummm... ermm.... huh.
Can I live in your world? It's awesome.
and the imagery of berry's assault. mmmm....pain.
can i be a POW in equestria? i have knots in my back
If that is how a Ponyville prisoner is treated, feel free to take me hostage!
Celestia, we can still fix this. The Ponyville project is still afloat. We simply need to keep this 'incident' under wraps.
Perhaps send the assaulted family on a vacation? I hear the sun is lovely this time of year.
What?! She seems more concerned about her project then the assaulted ponies anyway... don't judge me.
edit: I finished reading the rest of the chapter, and I may have spoken too soon. I think keeping the incident under wraps may prove less than... feasible at this point.
I'm staying with the story, if only because I need to see how it ends. However, I am very conflicted about current events. But there is one thing from some of the commentators that I agree with, and that is that just because the victim of an attack will be ok, it doesn't make the attack justified or should lessen the consequences for the attacker.
A war should not be this damn funny.
A little more than half way through the current number of chapters. Really fascintating story, although a little dark for my tastes.
My take on Berry's attack:
She has seen what Bucky's mother has done to him. Berry being a member of a herd gives Grandma a chance at taking Berry's foals away.
House Avarice has been "provoking" House Pickled under the current law for hundreds of years. Berry is sending an unmistakable message that it stops NOW. Bucky's mother will never get her hooves on Berry's foals
ROFLING!!! OMC LUNA!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! This is FANTASTIC!!!!
War is swell.
By chapter 40, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. There's far too many fics where Luna, the one who should be the most disconnected from her fellow equines and life in general, is all wise and sage-like and for some reason Celestia, who has spent time immemorial keeping Equestria peaceful and united as she could and safe from outside threats who would -love- to destroy it and reap its bounties for themselves - not to mention defeating the demonic horrors that appeared before the Elements were reassigned - is somehow the weepy idiot sister who has to be steered onto obvious paths that somehow a mind as far-reaching and intricate as Celestia's has been written to be cannot see?
She's being written as though she's a 20-30 year old human woman. I can't picture this Celestia being thousands of years old, a devoted guardian and ruler, tender of the garden that is Equestria, and capable of brokering peace when all of her subjects seem to hate each other and all other races quietly hate them, as well. We see her accomplishments in this story, and then we see her with an immature mentality that shows nothing of the skill and ability it would take for her to achieve anything she's done. All the prospects for a better future she's worked towards. Hoping it gets better from here... tired of seeing one of the most intricate and inscrutable characters in the continuity mistreated by authors and fans alike.
And what's with this pointless feminism? There's no patriarchy, so there is no need for feminism. Hell, the society is ruled by mares to begin with. From what we've seen, even big burly males like Thunderlane are basically kept in check fiercely by mares. And Bucky so far has been incredibly submissive. This isn't balanced or harmonious. Hoping these two themes peter out soon, I was enjoying this story immensely. Oh well, 140-something chapters to go.
4411585
Of course she is. She started this project to help her foster peace and understanding and equality amongst tribes, for the dreams of a future Equestria without bickering and infighting and violence and unhealthy levels of strife. It's a project of what? 200-300 years? More? She's banking on Ponyville being the answer to the problems she has getting her subjects to accept each other.
Then suddenly war. The fact Twilight cared more about about the ponies involved rather than the future of the entire nation and all ponies in it and all races who populate the world who are affected by Equestria (essentially: caring about the individual mortal ponies more than the populace of the planet) shows that she is not necessarily ready for true leadership yet.
There are times when worrying about the little people is very good. There are times when you have to ignore them, or sacrifice them - because if you tried to help them, the solution would cause everything else to warp and destabilize just for the comfort of transient ponies who'll be gone in the relative blink of an eye, but will hurt and destroy everything meant to help the ponies that come after.
Essentially, those little people get to be happy for a few decades. Then a century down the line everything falls apart because you stopped to make things conform to what they wanted. Mortals are arrogant by nature, it's part of our very being and we consider it normal - we think too highly of ourselves because our scope is limited to our lifespan alone. We believe all of our problems are serious issues, and we don't worry about the whole. We can't properly conceive the ripple effect. How a few things done here and there will either make the world better or send it to hell down the road. As Luna stated, they are immortal - this is something only they can do. Protecting the country and the world and all the ponies who have yet to be born.
That's why the Ponyville Project is so much more important than the concerns and squabbles of the ponies involved in it. A chance to protect future generations, to make sure they grow up right and strong and just, to give them a warm and welcoming world to grow into. The future > personal problems. Greater good must always win out, or there will be no one left to complain about it.
Humans have settled conflicts with dicks.
No, literally, I believe there was a war about to break out somewhere around the twelve hundreds, and the kings took to a literal dick competition, whoever was smaller stood down.
Twilight Sparkle lept over Celestia and tackled Rainbow Dash
an endless supply of bits, and the best unicorn doctors
They have banners Luna, banners!!
“I do request to be allowed to see the pony responsible for all of this.
1. Leapt.
2. You don't need the comma after And.
3. I'm highlighting this because you missed the final exclemation mark when you italicised this. Like so.
4. Forgot your closing quotation mark.
Conflict once again... both in the story and in the comments section... I move on
5196964
Lept.
Ahahahahahabaha.
I have absolutely no problem with this! wahahahaha
Holy shit, Twilight's turning into moral hitler.
5899316 "moral" and "hitler" first time I've seen those 2 words in the same sentence without a "not" in there that isn't nazi propaganda
Considering this was a declaration of war, I'm Berry suprised that Berry didn't kill Bucky's mother. I think that would make it legal, maybe, probably wanted dead because war but no legal consequences, right?
Why the fuck does Celestia act like some massive spoiled brat?
She is controlling the population for her "experiments", caused internal wars multiple times, and allows oppression just because she doesn't want her 'projects' ruined. Also, she starts having a break down as soon as another princess decides that Celestia is being unfair and more rights are needed.
Celly... oh Celly... shit's going down, and that's all you care about?
Ugh, this is making me want to punch someone in the cunt.
Damn this escalated quickly man, shit bricks. And peeps be blowing up the comments down here. Course I didn't read them all I get what's being said... That being said, I am siding with Berry Punch in all of this, sure she kicked someone in the cunt, but she kinda deserved it in my opinion.
And Celestia's acting like a little brat, jeebus come on. I'm disappointed in her.
I shall continue on reading, a good job well done... well done.
5173412 Please... please tell me you are joking D:
This is probably the least violent war in the history of war. Just sayin i like it.
Celestias "experiments" with cities reminds me of a mild version of the fallout vault social experiments .
I had hoped this wouldn't come to pass....
Earlier chapters may have had flaws, but they were still enjoyable.
This, sadly, is the first legitimately bad chapter of the series. It moves way too fast, the characters involved are incredibly out of character( and I'm not talking about canon, I'm referring to the established character you set for them, they are out of it) and it just comes off as painfully forced. They aren't moving to the motives that they would have as their characters have been defined. It's heart breaking how much of a mess this chapter is, and it honestly hurts to read. I wish I wasn't so distraught with how big of a mistake this chapter is, maybe then I could go into greater detail, but I am. It feels like you decided to write up to the previous chapter, then abandon the story to a new person all together and told them, "Have fun, do what you want!".
So abrupt and sudden, it feels like the events happening are all just happening for the convenience of the arc you want to present. Twilight, Celestia, Luna, everypony feels like they aren't making these choices on their own. They are just acting this way for no reason because the plot demands it. It feels so wrong to read it, because up till now you were doing pretty good, everything felt organic.
Now, though, I'm so worried moving onto the next couple of chapters. PLEASE don't sabotage yourself, I know this is a really old chapter, but I pray that things work out. I hope that there will be explanations and they will be believable and true to your characters. I really started liking this story, and then it became something else...
Please, I hope the next few chapters make up for this tragedy.