How far will one stallion run to escape what pursues him?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Is this turning polygamous? Really? Like, right now?
It's a bit sudden and extremely unexpected.
4317275
Symbolic interaction of the tribes coming together.
One unicorn, one pegasus, and one earth pony.
Huh, so Bucky's gift didn't back fire? Can honestly say I'm surprised at that.
Bucky's gift went over better than I expected. I am pleasantly surprised.
Also, I think he has Dinky's approval.
4317304
May I please have a translation?
I see "Berry Bunch" in there a couple times where it should be "Punch". Also spotted a couple other minor things but forgot to note them, as I was too engrossed in the story.
I really, really like this story. I think it's one of the best OC-focused stories I've read.
4317316
Damn google autocorrection.
4317308
Google Translate says:
4317339
haha wtf am I listening to !
4317339
This was planned from the beginning.
I debated over it for quite a while, realising it might upset people.
And then I realised that I had a story to tell, and it demanded extended family structure to play out.
I mean, it took ten chapters to get to this point. It isn't like they are going to be having la petite morts come next chapter.
But there will be flirting. From all three perspectives. Unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, all approaching courtship from very different angles.
Like Berry Punch's reflection that Derpy had good hips for pulling a plow. That was distinctly earth pony. Sometimes the exchanges will be very in your face, other times, they will be subtle and require you to pay attention to notice.
It will not be about actual sex for a fair bit, but more about the interactions and how the different tribes fall in love.
4317292
Hmm... I hadn't expected that reaction.
Familiar was meant as friendly.
But if you want some Twi-Dash action, I can leave the door open to speculation I suppose.
4317380
This is where is get off, sadly. It's been a good ride, but I make a point not to read polygamous stories. You didn't even hint at it, either. The relationship with Bucky and Ditzy felt natural—right. You took it slow.
Now, in a single chapter, we get lumped with all this new stuff that was never hinted at. Only this chapter does Derpy even so much as mention another mare. Bucky, who previously had eyes for only Derpy, suddenly is attracted to Berry. And Berry, by her own admission, is suddenly bisexual.
What happened? You were doing so well. But this chapter made me feel like the characters weren't real any more. You shoved emotions into them that they didn't have before and it showed.
You want to write about polygamous? Go ahead. That doesn't mean I have to read it.
Cheers.
The premise is solid. When i read the description i thought, this might be ok. I was pleasantly surprised. I am really pleased with how this is written. You have a taken a good premise, and built on it really well. There is world building, there is character development, and there is a story. I am very entertained. Keep it up
4317482
Ponies are naturally polygamous creatures. It is my intention to turn a sociological eye towards the herd structure and do a bit of world building. Monogamy is not natural to equines. Intelligent equines would need advanced social structures to support herds.
I'm sorry that you feel the need to abandon ship.
4317524
Even if that was your intent from the beginning, it felt incredibly forced and grating, to me—and I'm not saying that just because I don't like polygamous. Like I previously elaborated, completely out of nowhere. I was legitimately surprised when it happened, and not in a good way. I would recommend some reworking on your part.
lol i did enjoy this, it was pretty cool for bucky to get all that for dinky
4317552
No more farfetched really than bumping noses by accident and beginning a chase.
Ponies are gregarious creatures. They behave on a whim and make a move on whimsy.
It was intended to be sudden and surprising.
4317680
There are good ways to do spontaneous and bad ways.
You see, that's where you are wrong. You started off spontaneous, but you also started off tentative, unsure, and with ample explanation. They had reasons for their spontaneity. Because it was the beginning of the story, you were allowed to start off spontaneous and explain it after.
You built up solid characters in Derpy and Bucky, then shattered them in front of me. The entire interaction between them and Berry felt downright painful and against their well-established characters.
In the latest chapter, both Derpy and Bucky had no interest in starting a herd. They were hardly even dating! Bucky was complaining about winning over three hearts? Now he has four? Logic? = None! Then, you introduce a character who has known Ditzy all her life but only suddenly decided to be bisexual now. And they welcome her while hardly batting an eyelash.
It made such a negative impact because after all this time, I thought I knew these characters. If I can't have a reasonable guess how a character is going to react to a situation after ten chapters, something is wrong.
You call it "spontaneous," but even spontaneous people have reasons. Take Pinkie, for example. She is spontaneous, but only to make others smile.
This was a fun chapter and poor Derpy for putting so much work into her preening display and Bucky not noticing xD. Wonder how dynamic berry will be for Bucky and Derpy's relationship
4317680
It was indeed surprising and I can understand it in the context of trying to do world building. I would say to hint at herds being a thing throughout the story then though. The only mention of herds so far was that Pegasi are flocks while Earth ponies are herds (as in a tribal sense, not immediate family) and Unicorns are apparently lone wolves. Even just introducing a three/four-pony couple at some point prior or in mention would have set the stage.
But I don't recall there being anything about herds in a spousal sense thus far at all. Every mention of a romantic relationship we've been shown till now was monogamous. Even Sparkler's reaction to Rising Star being with Apple Cobbler lends itself to a monogamous society. In a polygamous society, her reaction would have been slightly different as she'd have less expectations of ownership on any one pony in a romantic inclination. Or maybe being a little conflicted about being "greedy" or "too possessive" after she'd chased him from the other filly. Even Apple Cobbler's silence when it happened didn't lend any credence to there being herds since surely she'd be upset that Sparkler was being so demanding and greedy when it came to matters of the heart.
As it is, I'm cool with it and am willing to see how things go from here, but it really had no world building to support it till now so I can completely understand 4317552 's unrest. Something to consider when writing future stories basically.
4317779
And they really aren't starting a herd yet, are they?
As of right now, it is more of a friendship situation, a declaration of intentions. Berry has long been Derpy's friend, and that has been alluded to in several chapters now. Berry gently nosed her way in and offered to translate.
At the end of chapter 10 all we are left with are 3 friends who have an idea that there is something that they might all want from one another.
Technically, Bucky and Derpy haven't even been on a real date yet. Berry simply announced her intentions to chase, leaving Bucky and Derpy to figure out the new dynamic in the only recently formed relationship.
I intended from the beginning once I committed to the idea for all three of them to go on their first date together.
See why Derpy and Bucky haven't been on a real date yet? Just the birthday party. The birthday party was the intended point for all of them to meet one another and decide to be friends. Friends. No matter how brazen Berry might be.
4317830
You are failing to see this from the point of view I am attempting to present, and I can see that I will not convince you. I will now stop cluttering your story's comment section.
But I urge you to consider that three people have already commented on that particular portion of the chapter.
Have a good day.
4317813
And this was intentional too, which I cannot go into just yet because of spoiler territory.
At least not in the open. Read at your own risk.
Herds were abolished officially because of the squabbling and disharmony they caused. They still exist for fringe dwellers and some of the alternative lifestyle couples of Ponyville. But they are no longer the standard practice. They're gone, and for good reason. Bucky, Derpy, and Berry decide to try and make it work, and, after much trial and error, and many observations made by the mane six and Celestia, it is decided to allow herds to legally exist again in Ponyville for couples brave enough to try. This is a major plot element of the story. You were warned.
Read at your own risk. I decided to throw out that bone for people seriously thinking about jumping ship. Perhaps a bit of reveal will continue your interest.
4317887
I understand it, which is why I offered up an olive branch.
I was also trying to get you to understand my intentions and my seeming misdirection.
I have so many feelings I can't say them with words, so have some emoticons!
4317897
Hmm... that is a fair reason for there being no mention until now, but then in this chapter Bucky, being well educated and in the know (as well as still being unaccustomed to the brazen manners of Berry), should have mentioned how herds like she was suggesting were banned/frowned upon. Surely he'd have felt some affrontation to the suggestion what with his "snobish" unicorn upbringing and all. That being said, I would suggest considering having Cadence weigh in on the subject at some point since she could have risen to being the Princess of Love after herds were banned and she needs to decide in her official capacity to allow them or keep them banned etc.
All that aside, I wanted to say that I did enjoy this chapter. The birthday party was very cute, along with the pegasi watching it from above. Also, the whole going over the top with a gift due to the clashing of wealth classes was wonderful. You rarely see people put in such a practical mistake in stories so it was refreshing.
4317979
Cadance was indeed my go to Princess to argue the case for herds. Bucky knows nothing about herds really as unicorns seldom bothered forming them due to isolationist tendencies. Flocks and herds as social groups are the leftovers from marriage herds and extended families. A LOT of thought went into world building here.
It is funny how much Derpy try to get noticed already. I would probably be a good Unicorn, i have kind of the same way of manners like Bucky
Now i would like it if the three of them come together. Berry love Derpy love Bucky love Derpy love Bucky love Berry or something like that.
Well now it is awfull late and i am reading this chapterstill till the end. This was probably one of the best chapters in the story so far.
Everytime i think of Berry Punch i want to drink Ice Tea with wild berries or something like that.
awwww this made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
aaaaaand a bit saucy.
I really loved some of the subtle parts of this chapter, the pegasi watching from above was a particularly nice touch. Bucky continuing to observe everything happening around him, and his own comparisons to his past were very interesting. I am definitely enjoying the social aspects this story continuously tries to explain.
Ah, but funny how you can enjoy a story, and still have issues with it, isn't it?
So, before I go off on a tiny tangent, let me mention that I am fully aware that despite any gripes I may have, it is your story and you'll do what you want it. And in fact you should do what you want with it.
Now, on to the minor nitpicking!
Generousity: the quality of being kind and generous.
I guess it counts, but not anymore than anyone else who brought a gift. His paranoia caused him to worry about the gift enough to go to Canterlot to find what unicorns consider a 'modest gift'. He wasn't trying to have a gift better than anyone else at the party, his goal was to be 'adequate'. So really it was mostly naivety and a difference in gift standards. I would have to assume after a few more parties like this he would get the idea of what is considered an appropriate gift and do that instead from then on. I mean, is it really generous for someone who makes like ten times what someone else makes to also expect and give more expensive gifts?
Huh...wonder if this means Berry knows Bucky's parents somehow. Or if she meant something different I didn't understand.
And, that's the only minor thoughts I had. The rest are..well..bigger to me.
Berry, ugh, Berry Berry Berry. I don't know what to think of that. The sudden interest Berry has in Derpy is just confusing. And she is kind of being a jerk in announcing she is interested in Derpy when Bucky is trying to date her already. Derpy and Berry have years of knowing eachother, Bucky's got crap compared to that. I'm under the assumption that Bucky still thinks Berry only wants to actually be friends with him, at least that lets him not freak out. The guy is already going through so many issues and panic inducing situations that I think adding Berry on would just make him crack and give up on the whole thing. I do like how much he notices how strong Berry is compared to himself and is freaked out by her. She is also much more forceful than Derpy, not a good combination for him right now to have to deal with.
Maybe Berry is just drunk? I could see her not remembering hitting on Derpy in the morning, but she didn't appear to be, so the 'suddenly I'm bi-sexual" thing is kind of confusing. And Derpy's thoughts on it are as well. You're really going to say you're desperate for somepony in front of the guy you are thinking of dating?
Still, Derpy seemed to laugh it off, so maybe she thinks Berry is just joking.
I want to believe that Bucky was smiling and just hoping for the oddity of this scenario to end soon. Nothing indicated that he was happy with what occurred so I can't see the smile to be anything but fake. Unless again, he just thought Berry wanted to be friends.
I dunno, this is one of those red flags for me, mainly on how jarring, sudden, and random this whole potential 3-way situation is. If it built up or had more explanation, maybe subtle hints, I'd understand it better, but there was nothing until this chapter. I don't see Bucky wanting to be with Berry. He's interested in Derpy and he's having enough troubles just coming to terms with that.
I'll see what happens in the next few chapters I suppose, hopefully it makes more sense by that point. Only other concerning flags to me was Twilight and her 'testing' Bucky for some reason. Like she should really be testing someone she doesn't know. There is a minor stupidity in my head of her testing to see if he has the qualities to be an Alicorn, but yeah, really unlikely.
Allright, done rambling.
4318451
Runs in the family... Pina was being brazen. Just like Berry is brazen.
As will be revealed a bit more later, it was the thought that counted with Bucky's gift. Not the gift itself. He went into Canterlot because he wanted to make sure that Dinky was happy.
But that is spoiler territory ain't it?
At the moment, it is just friendship, but awkward friendship with a lot of implications. Read through the comments, there has been some explanation already.
Bucky's relationship with Berry and Derpy will be complex. I don't want to say too much.
But Berry is going to be something of a philosopher after a few drinks, and a closet intellectual. Derpy is more physical. There is a planned dynamic at work.
4317552 Thank goodness I wasn't the only one who felt this. I'm sorry, kudzuhaiku, but I have to agree with NightWolf on this one.
There's no way that a pony with anxiety issues as bad as Bucky's would suddenly be A-okay with tossing another adult mare into the relationship, especially when only trying to show his feelings for a single mare and her family would send him into panic attacks, and especially with all of this happening that quick.
If you had taken another chapter or two to build up to it, show all of their feelings for each other grow, then hell, I probably would've been all for it. But it just felt so rushed that I don't know how I feel about it now.
4318760
Reread through the comments, there are some explanations.
And keep in mind, it is merely awkward friends as this point.
I sense something going on with him in relation to the elements!
That is all!
I'm going to go back to my dark abyss now!
Slinks back into the dark
more, please?
img.wonderhowto.com/img/68/12/63430032163858/0/decipher-hamlet-macbeth-more-with-sparknotes-no-fear-shakespeare-study-guide.300x140.jpg
You've been taking notes from Macbeth haven't you?
wow! that's sad. like... really sad. like hurt feelings sad. why am I smiling?
wonderful chapter, full of feel good feelings of goodness... and bisexual conversions... and near death by asphyxiation.
these are all welcome in my stories and the fact that this isn't a mature rated story means I have no reason to feel bad over it. score!
Pffffft...
But seriously, that was delightfully heartwarming. Keep it up!
Personally I think that this does your story a bit more justice than your current pic. (It's the way I picture Derpy in this story, specifically around the preening part.
th07.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/164/c/9/derpy_hooves_by_tartii-d53egtz.jpg
Course, that's my opinion.
I really like this. (the story I mean)
And so Berry Punch demonstrates that not all earth ponies are numbskulls. Some of them are audience avatars. I know I've wanted to get these two to understand they're speaking different body languages.
Wonderfully heartwarming chapter overall, especially the scene with the books. (And of course the salespony said it was a modest gift, Bucky. She wanted an even bigger commission.) And Twilight's not-spying intrigues me. I look forward to more, especially whatever the newest princess has planned.
4321848 she IS a barpony, she must know nearly as much as the princesses about the different tribes
Tell me this is going to happen... TELL ME HE WILL WIELD ALL TWELVE ELEMENTS!!!! TELL ME!!!
This has become one of my favorite Derpy fics. I quickly devoured the first ten chapters before I realized how far I even got. These short chapters are like cookies! (or muffins if you prefer) Can't just eat one.
I really like how perception, points of view, and misunderstandings have a central theme in this story. I find it very interesting to see how characters view similar events through different lenses. Even how they view each other can be so different that it tells a lot about the characters themselves than the character being observed. We can tell that Bucky is quite the nervous wreck because of how he reacts to Derpy, Princess Celestia, Berry, and socializing at the party while other viewpoints show that in reality he has no reason to feel so nervous.
That and how in-depth you got with the different cultures of the types of ponies also made this story an incredibly interesting read. You have done a great job world (and myth) building. Much of which I have quickly accepted into my own head cannon (thanks for the ammo!).
Thanks again for the great read. Also glad to see there is still much to look forward to.
Rising Star is in either SO much trouble, or very lucky.
Suddenly decided that I don't feel like sleeping tonight and am gonna read ALLLLLL of this
Correct me if I am mistaken sir, but you are Scottish I believe? Here is a hello from another Scott (albeit one who has never been to his homeland) of the Campbell Clan (Ne Oblioscarious).
McGregors of the world unite!
Congrats Bucky, You just got on the good side of Derpsters Entire Flock!
Berry punch is awesome, ditzy/derpy is awesome, dinky is happy, i am happy, this story is awesome :D