• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,953 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou



Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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Me, Myself, and I

When Jackie arrived in Mexico, he was surprised as El Toro drove up almost immediately to collect him. "We must hurry, Jackie!" he greeted insistently. "It is almost nightfall. Soon the beast will attack again!"

Jackie promptly climbed into the van, Uncle following after him. "Swing by where the inscriptions are on the way," Jackie instructed. "We'll drop Uncle off to translate." He smiled to himself, glad Tohru had stayed behind to watch the children with strict instructions that they stay in San Francisco.

"Are you certain there will be time?" El Toro asked worriedly.

Smiling, Jackie placed the Ox Talisman against El Toro's forehead, where it affixed itself to his mask where it had sat for so long. "When I realized we'd be fighting a magic beast, I came prepared." He gestured to the choker he wore around his neck where the Rabbit Talisman was affixed, and to Balance Breaker strapped to his back.

"I thought it was not safe to have them loose in the world, and that was why you had to lock them up in a secret location?" El Toro asked, confused yet relieved.

"The Dark Hand has other interests at the moment," Jackie explained calmly. "One day with them out won't make much of a difference."


The chupacabra proved to be a fierce beast. Almost humanoid in shape, it held itself slung low to the ground for battle. Its body was covered with coarse, spiky brown fur and actual spikes, and each hand and foot ended in three crimson claws. Its eyes glowed red, and its battle cry was an unearthly shriek. It blurred forward almost too fast for the naked eye to follow, and it struck with the force of a speeding truck.

With the help of the Talismans, Jackie was fast enough to keep up with the beast, and El Toro was strong enough to match it. Jackie would race ahead of the beast and threaten with his sword to drive the creature towards El Toro, who attempted to get it in a submission hold so Jackie could deliver a killing blow. While the attempt worked flawlessly the first time, the chupacabra proved flexible enough to break the simple hold El Toro had taken, and too crafty to be readily herded into the trap a second time.

However, the two still proved too much for the creature, and eventually a backhand from El Toro sent the beast flying. It spun to try and land on all fours, only to end up impaled on Jackie's blade. It let out a cry of pain and rage as it lashed forward, trying to get at the one who had killed it. It only managed a single glancing cut of its claws to Jackie's neck - barely breaking the skin and only severing the choker - before the sun rose, dispelling the creature completely.

Jackie and El Toro both slumped back, panting for breath after the intense combat. Jackie reached up to rub the cut on his neck. There wasn't any blood, but it irritated nonetheless. He decided not to put the Rabbit Talisman choker back on until it healed. Perhaps open air would help it pass.


With the beast's defeat, the town that had been under attack celebrated. El Toro invited Jackie to participate, and he welcomed the relaxation. However, his good mood - and El Toro's - faded as Uncle approached, his face grim.

"I have translated the inscriptions!" Uncle proclaimed happily. "Chupacabra is a beast of night that eats goats. Sunlight kills it!"

"We noticed," El Toro observed sardonically.

"Ah, so it is slain. Good." Uncle rubbed his chin. "One more thing! Did it scratch anyone? The curse is passed through its claws, and anyone scratched will became the Chupacabra with the next setting of the sun!"

El Toro looked over himself. "I was not scratched..." he observed cautiously. "Jackie?"

Jackie's hand went to his neck, where the irritating minor scratch still hadn't healed.

Uncle immediately pulled Jackie's hand away...and saw that the cut glowed green. "Aiyah! Jackie, you have contracted Curse of Chupacabra!"

"Can you cure him?" El Toro asked hopefully as Jackie staggered back in disbelief.

"Of course!" Uncle insisted, tugging on the satchel on his back. "Have all ingredients for cure...except for Capsicum. Must go to top of Devil's Peak and talk to wise elder to acquire some."

Jackie sighed in relief. "Well, that shouldn't take me too long-OW!" He rubbed his forehead as Uncle pulled his hand back.

"No! No Talisman Magic!" Uncle insisted. "Wild Magic of Curse will feed on any magic used in its presence until it is cured, becoming more powerful."

"Then we will run," El Toro declared firmly. "Senor Uncle, I will carry anything you need to bring, so Jackie can conserve his strength for the struggle with the beast, should we not make it in time."

Jackie rubbed the back of his head, not sure he liked the fatalistic overtones of that decision.


Unfortunately, El Toro's prediction proved accurate. They hadn't even made it halfway up the mountain when the sun dipped beyond the horizon. As light faded, Jackie felt pain shoot through his body, and he clutched at his head as he struggled to hold onto his humanity. He could feel the shape of his hands and jaw changing, and he heard his shoes rip as the crimson claws tore their way out of the leather.

As he struggled against the change, two tiny Jackies appeared on his shoulders, sidestepping quickly to dodge the spikes that erupted from his shoulder blades. "This is stupid," Dark Jackie observed flatly.

"What are you talking about?" Light Jackie asked worriedly. "If we don't fight the beast-"

"I mean fighting the transformation!" Dark Jackie interrupted. "It's hitting us all at once. Do you really think we have the mental discipline to control every cell in our body against Wild Magic?"

Light Jackie frowned as he shifted around the dark fur sprouting all over Jackie's body. "You have a point, but what's the alternative?"

"Don't fight the transformation," Dark Jackie pointed out logically. "Let it happen, and save our strength for when the beast attacks our mind."

Light Jackie blinked in shock. "...I never thought of that," he allowed. "But how do we take our mind off the pain?"

Dark Jackie grinned lasciviously. "We think about how it felt when Viper was pressed against our back pushing us deeper into the yoga pose, and how she looked doing that standing split in those yoga pants-"

"She is our friend, not just a sex object!" Light Jackie interrupted insistently.

"And if it were any more obvious she was blatantly trying to seduce us, she'd have to invite us to shower with her while wearing only a towel!" Dark Jackie countered. "Let me put it to you this way: if we go back to San Fran and tell her we were able to maintain our humanity by thinking naughty thoughts about her, how do you think she'll feel?"

Light Jackie blinked a few times, rubbing his chin. "Umm...flattered?"

"Definitely," Dark Jackie confirmed. "I won't argue she's a good friend...but you can't argue that she is a very naughty girl."

"I suppose I can't," Light Jackie allowed.

With the focus decided, Jackie relaxed his entire body, letting his mind slip back to thoughts of that more pleasant time as Viper helped him to relax, gently pushing him through the stretches and forms until all stress had washed away...and he felt the tension of the transformation fall away as it completed, leaving him hunched over as he completed the change.

Dark and Light Jackie glanced at the back of Jackie's head, where Chupa-Jackie was digging its way in. "We shall devour them all," it growled out in a gravely voice. "Give me goats!"

Dark and Light Jackie immediately closed on the manifestation, proceeding to thrash it from both directions as a miniature dust cloud formed at the back of Jackie's head. Before long, the dust cloud faded, leaving Chupa-Jackie tied up with Light and Dark Jackie standing to either side of him.

"This is impossible!" Chupa-Jackie proclaimed angrily. "How can you resist me?"

Light Jackie jerked his thumb at his counterpart. "I've spent decades trying to keep him caged."

"And I've had decades to learn every trick to escape said confinement," Dark Jackie added.

"With us working together, you didn't have a chance," Light Jackie concluded.

Chupa-Jackie thrashed angrily. "This shall not stand!" he proclaimed. "You will not conquer me so easily! I am ancient! I am powerful! I hunger! I-"

Dark Jackie interrupted Chupa-Jackie with a kick to the head. "Talk too much," he finished for the interloper, taping over his mouth with duct tape.

"Where did you get that?" Light Jackie asked curiously.

"When you stopped keeping a lid on our libido, there was a great deal to spare," Dark Jackie pointed out with a wry grin.

Light Jackie facepalmed. "Bad day..."

Jackie opened his crimson eyes, the transformation complete. However, much to his surprise, his mind was still his own. Standing upright, he stretched, working out the kinks of his transformed state. Turning to El Toro - who had taken a defensive stance - he curled two claws and stuck the thumb claw pointing upward.

El Toro's jaw dropped. "Jackie? You...you retain your mind?"

Jackie nodded.

"How?" Uncle gasped in awe.

Jackie responded by giving his best tiger snarl.

"The balance you achieved through being split by the Tiger Talisman allowed you to retain command of your mind against the beast's interference?" When Jackie nodded confirmation, Uncle's eyes popped wide. "Aiyah..."

"But the transformation...how did you endure its pain?" El Toro asked curiously.

Jackie looked down, twiddling his claws, uncertain he wanted to try explaining that...even if he had any idea how to begin.

El Toro suddenly chuckled knowingly. "Senorita Viper is a very fine woman, no?" he teased, thumping Jackie firmly on the back. "Be certain to tell her that she aided in retaining your humanity when you return to her!"

Jackie wasn't sure how to feel about the discovery that the coarse fur of his cheeks failed to hide a blush.

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