• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,953 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou



Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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Aggravating Bureaucracy

Valmont calmly walked along the streets of Pamplona with Bai Tza on his arm, Hak Fu and Ratso behind him. Ratso openly carried the Pan'ku Box, while Hak Fu maintained his attitude of 'angry bodyguard'. Valmont had been expecting differences in Pamplona when he arranged this visit, but his expectations proved a far cry from the reality. Every shop along the road had a vaulted entrance at least 12 feet high, and not all the shops or stalls were run by humans. He should have expected the 10-foot tall minotaur males walking around with 2 foot horns, bull-like faces, massively muscular torsos, and bovine legs supporting it. He should have anticipated that they would go shirtless given their builds, and be completely comfortable with it.

What had really caught him off guard were the minotaur females, who were much more human in appearance to the point the only obvious sign they weren't human were the large cow horns and whipping cow tail. Otherwise, they could just be shrugged off as tall humans - adults being 8 feet tall with 2 foot horns, the youngest upright being 3 feet tall with foot long horns - plying their trade. Tall human females who were built like amazonian fertility goddesses who, like their male counterparts, went topless.

"You know, a mortal woman might take offense at you staring at other women while walking with her," Bai pointed out dryly as Ratso and Hak Fu each paused to take a drink. "I just wonder how many I need to invite to join us in bed before they cease to fascinate you." She idly redirected Ratso and Hak's spit takes so they wouldn't soak them.

"I've seen more than my share of topless females in my career," Valmont pointed out dryly. "Even some as large - in all ways - as these. And I've been in countries where going topless is the norm. None of this fascinates or intrigues me."

"Then why are you staring?" Bai inquired curiously.

"I'm just surprised at the level of sexual dimorphism in the species," Valmont explained as they walked past a rather elderly male minotaur. "The women look mostly human."

"That's because the first of our species was male," the minotaur spoke up with a smile. "The child of Poseidon in bull form and a human woman. When he bred, the males all inherited the true minotaur form shaped by Poseidon. The females, however, took more after their mother, leading to having the more human form our race was naturally suited to be attracted to, given we had no females of our own race to start and thus were drawn to human females." Noticing Valmont's raised eyebrow, the old minotaur chuckled. "I've heard that question asked so many times it's ceased to surprise me. Enjoy the festival." With that, the older minotaur turned and made his way to join a large family group that greeted him warmly.

Valmont watched the group move away. "Surprisingly gentle for his size," he murmured thoughtfully. "Much like Tohru."

"It's traits minotaurs hold in high regard, and thus train themselves to have," Bai explained softly. "Size, strength, gentleness, with a warrior's pride and honor. The few humans - male or female - who show all these traits are considered honorary minotaurs, and frequently pursued by any single minotaur of the opposite gender in hopes of broadening and strengthening available bloodlines."

Ratso suddenly burst into laughter. "I don't know whether to envy or pity Tohru if he shows up!"

Valmont couldn't help but grin at that mental image. It was at that point they rounded the corner of the road and ran into Jackie, Viper, the four girls, and 'Seymour'. "Well, if it isn't the Chans," he greeted warmly. "You're earlier than I expected."

"Gave them some straight answers, brother?" Bai mused pleasantly.

"We know what you're doing here," Jackie began angrily, plainly struggling to stay focused.

"No armor, Chan?" Valmont asked in surprise. "You went to such efforts to retrieve it, after all..."

Jackie flushed in embarrassment. "I have...reasons for not putting it on before necessary-"

"Oh yes, you're definitely Sharaka's type," Bai confirmed.

"You knew her?" Jade gasped in surprise.

"We met back when I first achieved Demonic Ascension," Bai explained. "She gave me pointers on being a demon, and in exchange I gave her pointers on men."

"That's just what I need," Viper growled irritably under her breath. "Pervy armor with pointers from the Queen of the Sirens on top of all the topless girls that make me feel like I haven't hit puberty yet..."

Jackie shook his head to regain control of his thoughts and - hopefully - the conversation. "Like I said, we know what you're up to-"

"You saw the fliers, then?" Valmont asked pleasantly. "Did you buy a ticket?"

Jackie stared, dumbfounded. "Fliers?" he asked in confusion. "Ticket?"

'Seymour', meanwhile, was desperately struggling to hold back laughter.

Smiling, Valmont held out a copy of the flier. It detailed how he had gotten approval from the Spanish Government to host 'The Running of the Bull Demon' as an addition to the annual 'Running of the Bulls' Festival, along with ticket prices...both to observe from a safe distance, and to attempt facing the Bull Demon himself, both to escape and to fight. The ticket to fight Dai Gui was quite expensive, along with requiring the signing of a waiver.

"You gotta be kidding me..." Jackie groaned as he read the flier. "This can't be legal."

"Oh, it is," Valmont confirmed. "And air tight. Legally, you can't interfere with me freeing Dai Gui for the festival. But if you buy the ticket and sign the waiver, you are free to try and battle and reseal him...the latter especially if he chooses to be uncooperative, which I honestly expect."

"Was that stabbing my brother in the back I just heard?" Bai Tza inquired impishly.

"Just hedging my bets, Bai," Valmont countered pleasantly. "He is one of your siblings who doesn't like me because I'm human, after all."

"Look on the bright side," Jade suggested as Jackie groaned. "At least we know exactly where to go."

"Is Tohru with you?" Ratso asked hopefully.

"He's helpin' Uncle around town," Apple Bloom explained. "He wanted a good view o' the bull runnin' without bein' close enough ta smell it."

At that moment, frantic screaming echoed over the street as dozens of men came racing down the road as fast as they could, looking quite panicked. Not far after them, a wave of bulls charged along in a panicked stampede.

"The festival isn't supposed to start yet," Valmont murmured in surprise. "I need to get to the portal quickly, or I'll be behind schedule."

"I wonder what set them off?" Bai wondered curiously.

At that moment, Tohru rounded the corner running at full speed - which was quite impressive - while shouting out, "Bad day bad day bad day!" Not far behind him, a bevy of young minotaur women between the ages of 18 and 25 pursued him with alacrity, calling out proposals for dates and interactions less chivalrous.

Of the youngsters with Jackie, only Apple Bloom struggled to hold back her laughter. The rest just let it out.

(1)"What do you think you're doing, Tohru?" Mrs. T called out from a high vantage point beside Uncle. "Turn around and grab one or more of those girls to settle down with and give me grandchildren already! Where else do you think you're going to find a girl who can handle you in the bedroom?"

"Mommy!" Tohru wailed out in despair.



(1) Everything after this point I owe entirely to my Mom, after bouncing the bit with Tohru and the minotaur girls off her.

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