• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,874 Views, 12,536 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou

Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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The Guardian

Jade had seen a lot of things in her young life. Back in Hong Kong she'd seen magical creatures no one else could, leading to many problems for her life. When she was sent to America, she saw magical, talking, candy-colored ponies who were her cousins and soon became her best friends. Add to that a tame cloud she could ride on and magical Talismans, and her life had been full of the unbelievable. Through all of it, she had come to look up to her Uncle Jackie as an ideal to aspire to. Consummate self control, fierce power, calm wisdom, compassionate heart... She saw him as something she should shape herself to be like, a good human who was strong enough to be unbeatable. Seeing this Black Tiger trounce Jackie had shaken her, and filled her with fear.

And then Uncle had stepped up, and showed skill that she could never have imagined, and a calm ruthlessness that made Jackie's explosive bursts of temper look like like the flailing of an angry toddler.

"Monkey plucks two peaches!" Hak Foo roared out, lunging for Uncle and extending two fingers towards his eyes.

Uncle's hand came up flat right between Hak Foo's extended fingers like a game of Jan Ken, before closing his hand around one finger and twisting. Hak Foo winced visibly as his finger and wrist were both twisted against the joint, only to gasp for air as Uncle sent his other open hand forward to slam into the larger man's throat. "Monkey goes hungry," Uncle responded flatly, his eyes glaring death into Hak Foo's.

Rubbing at his throat, Hak Foo glowered angrily before charging forward again. "Gorilla snaps frail twig!" he roared as he leapt into the air, seeking to come down on Uncle's head.

Uncle leapt straight up into the air, easily clearing Hak Foo's jump, leaving him to come down on the ground. The ground cracked under the mercenary's feet, and he staggered from the unexpected shock before going sprawling as Uncle kicked off the back of his head. "Springy branch snaps back," Uncle pointed out calmly.

Seeing Jackie starting to stir, Jade raced over to him along with the fillies. "Jackie, you okay?"

"Ooh...Uncle?" he asked in shock, seeing Uncle duking it out with Hak Foo.

"Rabbit Punch!" Hak Foo proclaimed, lunging for Uncle only for him to sway to the side, spinning and driving a bony elbow into the back of the fighter's head. "Mule Kick!" Hak Foo attempted again, only for Uncle to dance back from the lunging strike and catch his temple with a sudden snap kick. "Lobster Claw!" This upward strike was countered with a Judo throw, slamming Hak Foo face first into the ground.

The trade of blow and counter blow continued, Hak Foo unable to land even a single strike on Uncle while Uncle took his time taking the mercenary apart. All the time, Uncle's expression remained twisted in fury, and yet his tone of voice whenever he spoke showed no sign of it. It was almost disturbing to watch.

"Angry Crow takes flight!" Hak Foo cried out desperately, leaping into the air.

"Thank you for sharing, Angry Crow," Uncle countered, racing forward and leaping into the air from below, punching Hak Foo in the gut, catching Hak's head between his feet, and flipping over to slam Hak Foo into the floor beneath before leaping away. Once he landed next to Jackie and the girls, he took off his glasses, wiped them clean, then put them back on before calmly taking his stance again.

"Jade!" Jackie gasped out in shock. "Uncle just leapt 20 feet into the air!"

"Go Uncle!" Jade shouted out eagerly. Apple Bloom and the others, however, looked even more concerned than they had when the fight started. Jade quickly understood why. Uncle had said he'd happily pay the price the Talisman exacted from him...but would they be as happy with what it cost?

Hak Foo got to his feet, shaking his head angrily. A crafty expression crossed his face as his eyes lit up. Leaping to his feet, he charged towards the girls. "Elephant stomps infant gorillas!" he cried out.

Jackie struggled to get to his feet as the girls screamed, scrambling away. Uncle lunged to get between them, only to take a hard fist to the underside of his chin, sending him flying into the brick wall and making it collapse on top of him.

As the others stared in shock, Hak Foo smirked as he rubbed his wrist. "Sorry, I meant...punches silverback."

"Uncle!" Jackie and the four girls cried out, rushing to the pile of rubble.

Hak Foo smirked, turning to once more put Jackie Chan down - or to issue some cryptic warning, whatever he felt was appropriate - only to freeze. Apple Bloom, in a fit of worry, had stomped her forehooves at the edge of the pile of rubble and sent every brick in it flying, smashing most of the factory machinery as she violently uncovered Uncle's unconscious form. His smile quickly vanished. Maybe not cosplayers after all, he thought, turning and beating a retreat. I don't think I'll be mentioning that to my employer...

Uncle lay unconscious in a pile of bricks that softened into a comfortable bed even as he lay there. He could just barely hear the girls and Jackie calling his name, but he could feel himself fading. And then he heard his own voice shouting.

"Uncle!" he yelled at himself. "Aiyah! Tiger man pound you like rice pudding! What you have to say for yourself?"

"He was...going to hurt the girls..." Uncle responded softly. "I...had to protect them..."

"He played you!" Uncle shouted at himself. "He threaten girls to make you stop guarding self!"

"Oh..." Uncle murmured softly. "I...missed that...why did I miss that?"

"Dog Talisman make body work like young!" Uncle told him. "That include brain!"

"...which is why I missed that, too..." Uncle mused.

"One more thing!" Uncle shouted. "Still must get Pig Talisman and discover the power it possesses!"

"But...I am dead," Uncle pointed out.

"Aiyah!" Uncle screamed at him. "How can you be dead when you are wearing the immortality Talisman!"

"...I should eat more fish..." Uncle mused as he realized yet another thing he'd overlooked.

"One more thing!" Uncle yelled, then promptly struck Uncle on the Temple.

"Ow!" Uncle cried out as he sat up.

"Uncle!" five voices cried out in relief, though one in confusion.

Glancing around, Uncle saw that the four girls were torn between worry and relief, while Jackie was plainly confused. Knowing Jackie would insist he surrender the Talisman - and also that he couldn't do that just yet - he quickly came up with a logical explanation for the younger man. "See! Lots of garlic is good for you!"

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