• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,954 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou

Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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The Other Half of the Battle

"So whadda ya think?" Alucard asked with a wide grin. "The sort of place we're looking for?"

The group had halted just outside an ancient, crumbling ruin of a castle, the soaring towers ventilated by holes in mortar and stonework, the tapestries visible through the windows torn and tattered, the gates rusted, the chains for the drawbridge crumbled to dust, and the wood of the bridge apparently rotten. Everything about the place screamed that it was empty, abandoned, and of no interest to anyone. The only ones who might ever enter the place for any reason were fully mundane archaeologists, thrill seeking adolescents, or those with enough skill with magical sight to add the twist that let them see the magic hidden within the broken structure that kept it from completely falling over, magic that had been frequently - and recently - renewed. Fortunately, that described the entire group, more or less.

"Yup, that's definitely what we're looking for," Jade confirmed as she glanced back at the group. While there was no way for 'the Chan Clan' - as they were now referred to, apparently - could go undercover beyond their normal behaviors, the attempt had been made. Jackie was dressed in his 'archaeology garb' as Jade thought of it, the brown jacket and pants with all the pockets. Viper was dressed the same, though trading shorts and a fanny pack of holding for cargo pants. All three fillies were wearing pith helmets and scarves, looking like adorable Girl Scouts trying to earn a merit badge (at least, Jade assumed that's how Girl Scouts worked). Jade had also been goaded into an outfit matching Jackie and Viper's - shaped from her robes that changed shape at her will, one of the definite perks of being the Chosen One - and Hsi had shaped himself a similar outfit.

Hsien Ko was also dressed the same in her human guise, and had done her best to make the clothes baggy and nondescript in an attempt to counter the attention-drawing aspect of the succubus magic she used to appear human. Unfortunately, the magic had simply overpowered the attempt, and the outfit fit her like a second skin and she looked amazing in it, much to her frustration, Viper's envy, Jackie's embarrassment, and everyone else's amusement. Alucard had simply changed his red threads to brown and changed his wide-brimmed fedora into a pith helmet, thus matching the look of a group of archaeologists investigating an old ruin.

Anderson had been the problem, as he had flat out refused to dress in anything but religious garb. As he'd put it, just because he no longer accepted the authority of his former superiors didn't make him any less religious, and he was still bound and determined to spread 'the true word of God' now that he'd discovered it, even if he would miss smiting the heathens since that went against said true word. Still, his usual attire was simply too distinctive, as was his appearance if he'd just been in ordinary priest robes. Then Hsi had suggested a habit.

Scamp, apparently eager for anything fun with 'Uncle Andy' and her 'Grandpa', made a nun's habit look adorable. On Anderson, while it did manage to conceal his identity, it looked absolutely ridiculous.

"Ah feel like a bad Monty Python skit waitin' ta happen," Anderson growled out irritably. "Why did ah ever let ya all talk me inta this? Ah don' even know how I'm gonna get out of it! And do ye know how uncomfortable it is havin' all mah bayonets under this thing? Feels like being an inside out hedgepig!"

"On the plus side, it doesn't make your butt look fat!" Alucard joked teasingly.

"Ach, do ye really think so?" Anderson asked playfully, turning almost coquettishly in an attempt to check.

"Oh, absolutely!" Alucard agreed wholeheartedly. "You really bring something special to the 'sexy sister' genre."

"I note he didn't say what," Sweetie Belle murmured softly to Jade.

"Don't expect it to be what you think from Ally's perspective," Hsi hissed back. "As he puts it, no one alive could comprehend his sexual preference."

"...ew..." all three fillies and Jade muttered back.

"Well, let's get inside," Jackie said ruefully, leaning against a nearby stone column that had once been part of the castle gates. "It's not like any secret passages to where Stonehenge is hidden will find themselves while we're having a pointless conversation-"

The stone under his hand grated, and the ground dropped out from beneath the group.

"When will I learn?!" Jackie screamed out as they slid down a ramp into darkness.

"Good question!" Viper called back, bracing herself on Jackie to keep from getting scraped up too badly.

"Bad day bad day bad day bad day!" Apple Bloom screamed out as she tried to find something to grasp to slow their descent.

"Aiyah!" Sweetie screamed as she tried to focus her magic.

"Wheeee!" Scamp screamed out in delight.

The ramp suddenly dropped out from under them. Alucard, Anderson, Jackie, and Viper all landed lightly on their feet. Hsi caught Jade as she fell, landing on his own feet before setting her down. Scootaloo caught hold of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle as they dropped, buzzing her wings to land them lightly. As a result, all of them were able to look around and see Stonehenge standing around them...along with about a hundred robed Magisters.

"They hath found the secret fun slide passage to the Chamber of Hidden Agenda that we left out where anyone might stumble upon it!" one of the Magisters declared haughtily. "They knoweth too much!"

"And this time around, they're actually right," Alucard murmured to no one in particular with a shit eating grin.

"I toldeth you we should hath blocked that up!" another Magister insisted sarcastically. "But nooo! We must not betrayeth the traditions of our forebears, especially not the ones that maketh no sense! After all, if they madeth sense, then they wouldeth not be traditions!"

"Enough!" the lead Magister declared in fury, stepping forward with his hood pushed back to reveal a nondescript face with long white hair and beard. "There are intruders within the inner sanctum of the Brotherhood of Magisters! They are to be smotten!"

Grinning, Alucard drew his guns as Anderson burst out of his habit to unsheathe his bayonets. Jackie and Viper both shifted to feline form as Hsi took on his demonic form and Jade and the Crusaders prepared their magic. "Heh, good luck with that," Alucard taunted playfully.

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