• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,953 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou



Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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Of Double Mint

It didn't take long for the group to reach the epicenter of the unfolding chaos, as it wasn't exactly easy to miss. At first it seemed like a chaotic sea as the air cracked and rumbled, darkness beyond the definition thereof leaking through as buildings blended into each other. Riding Cumulo, the group was able to come down from above in what seemed like the eye of the storm, and around them they were able to make out more details so it didn't seem like such madness. However, even up close it was insanity.

Buildings blended into each other, only to snap back into the wrong shapes. There were no people in sight, and unholy screams echoed from the cracks as unnatural eyes glared out from within them, strange protrubances struggling to reach through. Pink Elelphants and creatures of Cthulic myth chased each other through the buildings, in and out of doors like a Hannah Barbarah skit set on Empirical Crescent in Ankh-Morpork. The sky bled butterflies and farted rainbows in colors that were not meant to be part of the visible spectrum but forced their way in.

In the center of it all, on an island of sanity in the sea of madness, huddled the Monkey King clutching two halves of his broken staff, mumbling to himself. As they got closer, they could hear what he was mumbling. "What went wrong? What went wrong? What went wrong?"

As they landed, Sun Wukong stepped off the cloud to stare around at the scene. "You've outdone yourself, brother," he murmured thoughtfully.

The Monkey King perked up at that. "Brother?" he demanded angrily. "That's a change. Who are you and what have you done with my jailer?"

"We're the two halves of Jackie Chan," Kitten explained happily.

"And we beat some sense into him," Tiger growled.

"Metaphorically speaking, but yes," Sun Wukong agreed.

"We can make it literal if that would help," Tiger offered, cracking his knuckles.

"Violence is not the answer!" Kitten countered angrily.

"And what do you think is the answer?" Tiger demanded, gesturing at their surroundings. "This storm is going to get worse before it gets better!"

"Helping Sun Wukong and the Monkey King come to peace with each other so they can work together to fix it?" Kitten suggested helpfully.

"Yeah, like you're ever going to convince this uptight ass to tolerate me," the Monkey King growled, gesturing petulantly towards Sun.

"Actually, I've already agreed to discuss a compromise if they can convince you to do so," the old man pointed out.

"Really?" the Monkey King asked in surprise. "I'm sold then."

"Wait, what?" Hsi Wu demanded in shock.

"Seriously, I can't keep a thought in my head for more than a few moments right now!" the Monkey King explained irritably. "And no matter what I do, I can't find anything funny. If I'm to live and not just exist in a pointlessly empty survival, I need him! But I'm not going back into a cage to make it happen! If that means hearing him out every so often about the funny stuff, better to have a stick partway up than no stick at all, know what I'm saying?"

Sun Wukong chuckled softly. "Well, that was...much easier than I thought it'd be."

"You're the stubborn unchanging one," the Monkey King pointed out waspishly. "Long as you don't try to cage me again and are willing to have fun, I've got no objections to being a bit closer to Neutral. The only reason I even went crazy and started fighting you was because you got so stuck up and stiff after playing messenger for the Jade Council that you forgot how to have fun! You considered it beneath you to actually lay back and enjoy yourself, putting too much importance on responsibilities! When Shendu flipped us, I was happy to cut loose because there were so many jokes we didn't make! And then we got caged up in that doll!"

"So how are we supposed to be able to mesh?" Sun Wukong inquired curiously. "Somehow, I don't think the Tiger Magic that split us removed the doll curse."

"Actually, the two curses meshed and altered," Sweetie pointed out, her eyes glowing green as she examined the magic. "Right now, if you merge back together, whichever side of you tries to suppress the other more will get sealed away, so only by being willing to work with the other will either of you get any control."

"So if we merge right now, being in balance is the only way we both get to have fun, and whoever upsets the apple cart gets locked away for trying?" the Monkey King demanded intently.

"Yup, pretty much!" Sweetie confirmed happily.

"I'm sold!" Monkey King declared happily. "Lets blow this mess, bro!" He held out his hand eagerly.

Chuckling, Sun Wukong reached out and clasped hands. The pair were enfolded in blazing light as a Tiger's roar echoed.

Tiger and Kitten merged back together, as did Viper's two halves. As the light passed, Sun Wukong stood there...changed. While he still had the wrinkles of his age, his eyes were alight with mischief. The red pole he clutched was plainly a sword cane, and he wore only loose silk pants. The backs of his hands, tops of his feet, and back were covered in short, thick, crimson fur. His chest was bare, and similar fur framed his face like a beard and sideburns, with the same color hair growing somewhat wildly from his head, though cut short. His lips were pulled back in a wide grin, revealing a double-canined mouth of teeth.

"It's show time!" he called out happily, spinning his cane, his voice somewhere between the gentle, in control tone of the old man and the wild and untamed one of the Monkey. Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, was whole once more.

"...whoa," Jade murmured in shock.

"So now you can fix this, right?" Hsi demanded.

"Nope!" Sun offered happily, spinning his cane as everyone found themselves slamming face first into the pavement for no apparent reason. "Oh, anime's made things like this so much more fun!" he chortled happily as he balanced on his tail.

"Then how can we fix this?" Jackie demanded angrily, waving his hands at the insanity around them that was slowly encroaching on their island of sanity.

"Oh, we can't!" Sun explained readily. "None of us can handle Cthulic nonsense and stay sane. Thankfully, I know someone who can, and then I can clean up the rest!" Leaping to the side, he unrolled a curtain from his pole, then pulled it aside revealing a rather voluptuous woman in a golden bikini laying back on a pool chair, her golden locks seeming to move of their own accord independent of any wind.

The woman turned with a glare, then slowly lowered her shades as her golden eyes gleamed. "Wukong, the only reason you aren't missing key parts of your anatomy right now is that I can see you're in balance again, and that's a relief. Aside from that, what do you want?" As she growled the last out, the pendant around her neck glittered with a yellow that was more than color.

"While I was split, I made a mess," Sun offered in a playfully apologetic tone, gesturing at the nearest Shoggoth running by. "Help me clean up, Claus-sempai?" He made his eyes big like those of anime characters as he pleaded.

"I've told you to call me Heather," the woman growled as she got up. Frowning at the mess, she put her hand to her pendant. Something flexed.

The Shoggoths, Mindflayers, and other such creatures vanished, howling in shocked despair. The cracks in the sky slammed shut.

"There. You take care of the rest." The woman vanished.

"So...that was Mrs. Claus?" Jade asked nervously as Sun began cleaning up the rest of it.

"Yes," Hsi allowed nervously. "Now you see why the elves didn't want to upset her. Her other title is The Yellow Queen."

"...I don't think I want to enter the talent show anymore..." Jade whimpered.

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