• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,952 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou



Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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Fearless Vampire Killers

Uncle groaned as he slowly came back to himself. "Ugh...what hit me?" he asked ruefully, only to blink as he found himself bound to a wall by writhing ivy as everyone stared up at him with their arms crossed and irritated scowls on their faces. Seeing Audrey carefully crossing the river to approach them all, he managed a smile. "So we won?"

"Barely," Jackie stated firmly, vibrating with intensity. "And you're in big trouble, Uncle."

"Me?" Uncle asked in surprise. "Uncle can't be held responsible for what jiangshi made-"

"For tempting fate so drastically," Hsi Wu growled out angrily, clinging desperately to Jade as though afraid to let her go. "Your recklessness and overconfidence nearly cost everyone their lives and caused the rising of a new Chaos Aligned Nightwarrior! It was only blind luck, desperate gambles, and sheer nerve that we all survived the night!"

Uncle tried to smile. "But we-"

"Was that really worth a bargain?" Sweetie Belle asked softly in a whimper. "All this pain, fear, worry, and nightmares...for a better price on antiques?"

Uncle blinked in shock as he saw the tears in the eyes of his wards...and let his head sink. "No..." Uncle admitted finally. "Uncle had seen such greatness in everyone, thought we could handle anything...and forgot how young you all were. Just because you can handle something like this doesn't mean I should recklessly expose you to it...and definitely not for profit..." He looked beseechingly up at the group. "Can you all forgive me?" he asked hopefully.

The ivy paused, then slowly lowered him to the ground. Before he was fully unencumbered, all three fillies had glomped onto him, clinging desperately to him. He quickly returned the embrace, holding them all close as he struggled to help them past the fear they'd experienced, cursing himself for forgetting even for a moment that it was his job to take care of them, not the other way around. "I'm so sorry girls..." he whispered softly. "Uncle promises, from now on your safety always comes first. I won't recklessly expose you to anything too dangerous like this again."

"Maybe you should make that 'won't toss them in alone'," Jackie pointed out with a smirk. "Somehow, I think telling any of these kids that something is 'too dangerous' is asking for them to charge in despite our protests." As that resulted in the three fillies and Jade giggling, he could only roll his eyes in resignation.

"On the plus side," Viper spoke up happily, "I've managed to renegotiate the entire manor of 'unappraised artifacts' as payment for our 'monster hunting' services, along with penalties for not informing us of the monster ahead of time and the pain and anguish of 'unrelated parties' for getting enthralled." She calmly closed her cell phone with a wide smirk. "Turns out Mr. Lam did know about the jiangshi - both of them - and hadn't said anything because he was confident we could handle it and wouldn't come near the property if we knew about it."

"Mr. Lam knew of such dangerous monster and let Uncle take children there?" Uncle snapped out angrily. "Uncle will give him piece of my mind-"

"30% discount baseline for the next three artifact bulk purchases from his business as apology," Viper pointed out with a smirk. "And to be fair, it probably wouldn't have been anywhere near as dangerous if I'd had the sense to change to cat form and bolt...or if I hadn't been fertile just now-"

"Wait, what?" Jackie gasped out in a panic.

"Relax, Jackie," Viper chided playfully. "I've been 'wedlock sealed' since before I met you. My parents are really traditional like that."

Jackie blinked in confusion. "Uh...?"

"A special enchantment traditional families will apply to 'wayward' or 'wild' daughters," Hsi Wu explained readily. "It keeps the magic of their spirit pure and renders them incapable of contracting STDs or getting pregnant until they've been bound in wedlock. It used to be considered a mark of shame, that the girl thus 'marked' had neither honor nor self-control that they had to be thus 'sealed' to guarantee a good match...but research online indicates modern girls take it as a badge of pride that their families dubbed them 'uncontrollable', showing them to be truly wild."

"Think we should get one for Jade?" Scootaloo joked teasingly.

"I'm not that bad!" Jade insisted irritably.

"That, and more 'free-spirited' families will apply the mark as a way to let their daughters be 'truly free' until they're ready to 'bond forever'," Hsi added thoughtfully.

"So hippies and rebels?" Tohru asked curiously. "How...interesting..."

"Though I have more good news for our ghost friend," Viper spoke up, turning to Mei Ling as she reformed as a specter. "Mr. Lam was able to tell me where this casket came from...and where the one that was supposed to come here wound up. Assuming that's the one your sister is in, you need to head to England, somewhere around Amesbury."

"Oh, that's...wonderful..." Mei Ling offered sadly, staring out towards the East.

"...something wrong?" Sofia asked her worriedly.

"...I cannot travel far on my own," she admitted sadly. "If I do not assume paper form during the day, my power is leached away and...I might lose cohesion. I...I will never make it to England under my own power..."

"Then we'll take you there," Jackie spoke up firmly.

"Y-you will?" Mei Ling gasped in shock. "Oh no, I couldn't ask that of you-"

"If not for you, we wouldn't have survived long enough to defeat Yakov," Jackie insisted firmly. "The least we can do is reunite you with your family."

"Besides, Jade's the newly awakened Chosen One," Hsi Wu added with a smirk. "Part of that is a visit to Stonehenge once her magic stabilizes, and that's only a couple of miles away from Amesbury."

Mei Ling smiled warmly. "Oh, thank you all. I do so hope that my sister has been alright without me, and we are reunited soon..."

"Here's hopin' this trip is the less dangerous one, huh?" Apple Bloom asked hopefully. "Th' last thing ah'd want is ta run into another vampire that breaks the rules with his power..."


Somewhere in England, a particular wicked chuckle echoed, much to the frustration of the amused being's employer.

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