A Little Catty
Valmont smiled as he leaned back in his chair, staring across his desk at his three new daughters. Despite his best efforts, no arguments could yet convince the trio that upgrading to a more 'modern' wardrobe would be a good decision, and as such they still looked like they were on their way to a disco rave. Still, distinctive appearances could be useful, especially with what he planned to have them do. Once all three stopped shuffling or squirming, he stood up and began to explain. "As I'm sure you three are aware, my rather successful business is-" He paused, noticing Sonata's attention immediately wandering. Tapping his chin thoughtfully, he snapped his fingers and drew nearly all the light away from one wall, leaving it dark save for a single circle of light, as though someone were shining a flashlight there. Sonata gasped excitedly as a little shadow in the form of Valmont's demon form appeared in the circle, her attention now locked onto it. "As I'm sure you three are aware," he continued, "my rather successful business is on the far side of the law." The shadow puppet of himself proceeded to blow a raspberry at a shadow cop, making Sonata burst into giggles.
"I will be blunt, it is a criminal business," Valmont continued as the shadow demon donned a cowboy hat and started shooting off six-shooters, though there were no sound effects...at least until Sonata started providing them. "However, there are three ways to run a successful criminal business." Now there were three circles of light, each with a shadow of Valmont's demon form inside. "One is to perform the criminal activities yourself or having it done by your workers." The furthest left circle showed the shadow demon picking up a sign that read 'Bank' and shaking money into its suddenly cartoonishly large mouth. "The second is to profit from the criminal enterprises of others, often as a fence." The second shadow demon Valmont reached into the first circle, plucked the 'Bank' sign from the grasp of the first, and rewrote the letters to say 'Somebody Else's Bank'. To Valmont's surprise, that got a snort of amusement out of Aria.
"The third, and most difficult yet most profitable, is what I call the criminal merchant," Valmont continued as the third shadow image of himself pulled out a vendor's carry bench like that worn by those who walked back and forth at sporting events selling hot dogs or popcorn. "This way, you make sure you learn what everyone else in the criminal world wants, and ensure you're the one they get it from, whether it be criminal talent, resources, or a particularly valuable item." The three light circles shifted to hover above and to either side of Valmont. "While I indulge in the first and the second, my success - and my remaining uncaught by law enforcement - was due primarily to the third type of business. And that is where I intend to begin with you three."
The circles merged into a single one, and three familiar ponies walked across in shadows. "The fillies you met who I introduced as friends...one of their guardians is an archaeologist. He also has a penchant for stumbling across artifacts of a...magical nature. Now, such artifacts are of interest to the less than ethical no matter what side of the law they fall on."
Now, the three fillies changed into three mermaid-like figures, each with shadowy hairdos resembling the three girls before him. "That's where you three come in. Since you have no criminal records or official connection to the business, no one on either side of the law will blink twice at you jetting around on 'Daddy's Dime' to see the world." The three mer-figures were now on the back of a dragon flying across the globe. "On these 'pleasure trips', you'll retrieve the artifacts I send you after, and then bring them back to me. Since you'll be using a private jet, you'll have an easy time slipping them past customs as long as you store them properly. That will be Aria's job."
The shadow images shifted, now revealing a cat. "Your first destination is Tangiers, where you will be in search of the Cat of Khartoum." The shadows vanished. "Any questions?"
"How'd you make the awesome shadow puppets?" Sonata gasped eagerly.
Valmont chuckled. "My powers are over light," he explained readily. "It was simply a matter of thinking in terms of negative space. Takes an artistic temperament, but not terribly difficult."
"How'd you know puppets would work to keep Sonata's attention?" Adagio asked curiously. "I didn't think you'd heard about the Three P's(1) yet."
"I know how to handle children," he replied readily as Sonata moved to the wall, tracing the lines of where the puppets had been. He lowered his voice. "I've bought her the same three enchanted ponies several times in the past month, after all. It's no extra cost for me, she always experiences it as new ownership, and the ponies get an owner who will always absolutely adore them. I don't think they mind if she picks different names for them each time I 'buy' them for her."
"You are scarily good at that," Aria observed idly.
Valmont chuckled softly. "And now it's your turn to show if you three can be good and scary..."
Jade, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all bounced excitedly in their seats in First Class as the plane got ready for takeoff. "I can't believe you actually asked us to come on an archaeological expedition with you, Uncle Jackie!" Jade called out happily.
Jackie shrugged from the row ahead, with Viper sitting beside him. "It was either have you come with me, or have you follow me anyway with Hsi's help, leading to Apple Bloom and the others following with Audrey III's help because you're their mage student, and then having to completely rearrange my travel and expedition plans to keep track of you all." He was pleased to see that Jade at least managed to look sheepish at that assessment. "At least this way you four aren't in trouble for unexcused absences from school and get extra credit for writing a report together on the trip...as long as you do your homework too."
"And I suppose me offering to spring to upgrade the trip to First Class instead of Economy had nothing whatsoever to with your decision?" Hsi Wu asked playfully. One of the first things he'd done once everything regarding himself and his brothers had been settled had been checking on his own ancient stronghold where it was hidden in a fold of magic-space-time, and converting a good amount of his treasure stronghold into a modern account he could draw from. He wanted to have those funds available for...a number of things.
"Not my decision," Jackie corrected. "But it did win Viper over to your side as far as convincing me."
"Too right," Viper purred happily as she lay back in her seat, which was far too luxurious to be called a chair.
Scootaloo glanced around as she took in the 'First Class' segment of the plane. "This is...really impressive," she murmured in awe. In a world where magic was normal, First Class had an entirely new meaning. They were specifically in 'First Class Family', where there were video game consoles built into the seats, the seats could swivel a full 360 degrees for a family game table for board games, and magical constructs of the family's favorite fictional characters - or the actual beings they were based on - acted as flight attendants while the passengers seats had full flexibility to shift into any conceivable position - including upside down - for absolute comfort. Scootaloo had also managed to sneak a glance into 'First Class Singles', where the Flight Attendants were actual conjured houris of the passenger's preferred gender, attending to them in whatever way they wished. She'd managed to pull back out before she saw anything too traumatizing.
"Magic sure changes a lot of things," Jade agreed, having glanced briefly into 'First Class Childrens', the area for unaccompanied minors flying...which had been a straight up bounce castle with spheres enchanted with Float for them to hover in or bounce off of. "Just how big is this plane?"
"Not much bigger than we expected," Sweetie Belle explained as she flipped through a guide book on the airline. "They just recently started using compressed space magi-tek to add a great deal more space to the interior of the planes without increasing weight load or flight profile. This let them greatly expand the First Class areas while also reducing the price profile of it, while improving the conditions in Business and Economy."
"I don't think I'll ever get used to you four being amazed at these things," Hsi Wu murmured thoughtfully. "Still entertaining to watch."
"Let's relax and just enjoy the flight, shall we?" Jackie asked hopefully as he lay back in his seat. "We'll probably have to deal with criminals or lesser demons or cultists once we get there, so lets enjoy this peace while it lasts?"
Apple Bloom blinked in surprise. "Yer...not gonna say it's 'too dangerous' for us if ya think that's what ya think we'll be facin'?"
"The three of you are a fully fledged chi wizard between you," Jackie pointed out logically. "Jade is your student, is well trained so far in the martial arts, and has a fully fledged demon sorcerer as her familiar."
"All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go..." Audrey began to sing from behind the youngsters.
"And then there's him," Jackie concluded. "I definitely want you all to be careful...but 'too dangerous' might be a bit much."
(1) A tribute to Justice3442's story Love Call of the Sirens. I've based much of how I characterize the Dazzlings off how he writes them...with a few tweaks as I delve deeper into their characters.
Stats
Page generated in 0.087 seconds
Total duration
1,103 users online
1,841,665 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hey, it's been awhile since Audrey was in the story, what happened to him anyway, why hasn't he shown up more often?
I wonder, now that the Dazzlings are going to be regular characters, and you still have... I think a good 2 or 3 seasons left to get through, maybe add them as a character tag? Or not, if that's too spoiler-y.
...Probably too spoiler-y. Still nice to have them around. You ever think about giving them their own story?
Well, as much as I'm not surprised that the Sirens are going into the family business, I'll admit to being a little disappointed...at least in one case. I liked the shadow puppet scene, though.
I wonder what the other two “p’s” are?
.......I think that Valmont is going to be a GREAT father figure for these three if THIS is any indicator.
Oh man too bad we don't live in that world because THAT sounds like an AWESOME version of First Class Flight.
Also, the First Class Singles apparantly gives a new definition of the "Mile High Club".
Seriously? Jeez now I REALLY wish this sort of thing existed in this world when I was a kid. This would've been AWESOME!
.............So for First Class, they essentially "TARDIS-ed" it? Okay. That works. They may not have the tech, but the way Magic works could make this easier.
Okay, Jackie has a point. At least this time, he won't have a high chance of getting an ulcer from being worried about Jade and the CMC.
8537026
Focus hasn't really been on the Chans lately. And snow is terrible for plants.
Another great chapter. I'm curious if season 3 is still gonna happen since I have no clue how it would even start in this story. Not that I would mind one way or the other, I always thought season 3 was the weakest.
Valmont, what was your thinking? Sending fish to fetch a cat?
Chapter One Hundred Fifty Nine
"Aiyah!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 47
"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 83
Neat.
8537037
Presents and pizza.
Heh.
Double heh.
8537160
Pictures and Pizza, actually.
He knows how to handle children and seems to know how to keep the respect of teenagers, I wonder however why Bai is letting him send them all over the world into potentially dangerous situations. She must really trust him for that
Guess this shows what a first class boyfriend is to a first class mistress. But man, Hsi practically pulled all that money out of thin air.
Now if only Valmont can help enLighten us further on Sonata's attention span...
8537175
I am looking forward to how you handle Starlight Glimmer then.
Now I want to know the Three P's damn it, I'm sure it's probably puppets, and ponies for the first two, or maybe presents instead of ponies, but what is the third if it isn't both puppets and ponies, Damn you Tets as good as it is to have you back and writing why must you torment me with these things
P.S. I just read the comments and my question has been answered
8537226
It's a comon Trope that a lot of Ancients, ESPECIALLY evil ones, have a lot of investments or savings. Whether it's Currency, Stocks, Gold, etc. Ancient Evils are even more likely, since they're more likely to have backup plans. They know that there's a good chance someone will banish them or whatever, so they make plans for a long return.
I love the shadow puppets scene in this chapter. :)
I love how quickly Valmont picked up on how to handle Sonata. And getting Aria to laugh? Damn. Looks like Daddy's already won over the girls pretty easily.
And dammit, I wish I could fly in a first-class plane like that.
I was actually wondering what would happen when you got to the Cat of Khartoum. Glad to see I don't need to wait much longer!
Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Nine
"Bad Day"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 40
"He's Not My Boyfriend!"/"I'm not his Mistress!"
Chapter Count: 0/0
Total Count: 45/3
either "yet" or "and (or "but") ,yes, "the most profitable
ensure that you're the one
youthat they get it fromOkay, that is just straight-up awesome!
8537268 Well, the dude does think at the speed of light, after all.
8537226 I wouldn't be surprised if he actually did.
Yeah! Shed some more light on the subject!
8537038 Yes! All of the yes!
I'm betting the person who handled the conversion from ancient treasure to the all mighty American Dollar was his dear brother Valmont. Which would probably be much to both Uncle's and Jackie's annoyance considering those treasures are priceless antiques now. And that would be the exact reason why Valmont would have been more than happy to make sure Hsi Wu was a multi-billionaire.
Though I'm not quite sure how The IRS is going to handle taxing that wonderful modern account. You know, aside from trying to take a much as they can legally get away with.
I am also very curious as to what those things are Hsi Wu wants to spend his money on. Aside from the best gaming computer money can buy. :P
As for the adventure both the Sirens and the Chans are on now, I wonder who is going to get scratched and turned into an anthro cat.
8537496
You do realize that in a world of magic, the IRS probably has specific procedures for handling just this situation? I mean, an earlier comment did say that ancient evils awakening in modern times are highly likely to have stashes of wealth.
As for what he wants the money for...well, he does need to keep his Mistress happy-
Jade: I'm not his Mistress!
8537500
Oh I realize the IRS has those procedures. I'm just wondering if Hsi Wu realized the IRS has those procedures, and if whomever converted his treasure into money neglected to mention that as a little surprise. :P
8537508
Hsi Wu is aware of how the world grew with magic, not the old world.
And you're assuming he'd need someone to handle the conversion for him.
8537511
My mistake then. And you are right, I had forgotten Hsi Wu could handle the conversion of his treasure into money on his own.
Still looking forward to where this is going. :)
8537511
Should he not be aware of both sense demons aren't affected by time magic and what the girls did was essentially a form of time Magic
8537038
...I'm asking for EMIYA as my flight attendant..if they base them off the character information,imagine being able to be served HIS food First Class...because to stay in character we know he will commandeer the kitchen.
8537522
The initial Harmony Wave was not time magic. It was Reality magic. It altered a fundamental factor of reality, and everything else - time and history included - adjusted for it.
8537527
Ergo they should have memory of both since they are from a different dimension or at least we're in a different dimension at the time and I'm pretty sure as demons sorcerer's they would have like a thing on their mind to protect them from any sort of alteration
8537530
Incorrect.
The Demon Netherrealm is directly connected to this Earth, in much the same way one would say Heaven and Hell are. Reality magic influences everything at once. Nobody noticed a change because, to their minds, there wasn't a change. This Hsi Wu is the one who lived and fought in the world where Magic was normal, same with the others. Only those who were at the epicenter of the Harmony Wave remember the old world...because they're the only ones who were a part of the old world.
Though calling it the old world is also inaccurate. That's why Reality magic is both so dangerous...and rarely used. Because nine times out of ten, you can't tell anything has even happened...and the tenth time, the one who worked the magic is the one who comes out second best because of it, because they can't adapt.
Edit: Or to put it another way...
Time Magic is altering the game script, and the characters might notice if their lines are off.
Reality Magic is altering the source code.
In terms of Undertale, it's the difference between a load and a True Reset.
8537539
Reality magic is confusing
8537540
See my edit for a clearer explanation.
8537542
I get it now, also
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/4/20/1416940__safe_artist-colon-welcometoplok_fluttershy_-colon-<_animated_blushing_cute_eyes+closed_female_floppy+ears_frown_gif_hnnng_looking+down_looki.gif
Love the update!
Suddenly, Audrey vs Sirens song battle.
Or maybe Audrey spots the inevitable conflict and just belts out...
Audrey: "EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Audrey III... Versus Sireeeeeeeeeeeeens-BEGIN!"
I wonder who'll end up part cat this time, if anyone?
lol damn this world seems cool
8537618
It would be a neat running joke if Jade not only falls prey to most of the transformations she did in the show, but actually decides to keep the most useful of them. Just imagine potential future Jade as an Anthro Lion, Queen of Shadowkhan, and Sky Demon combo. The first give Feline senses/agility and lion strength. The second gives her an army of Shadow Ninjas. And the third gives her wings and co command of the skies with her boyfriend.
Unless each transformation overrides the other, but I honestly wouldn't put it past her to figure out how to combine the best elements of each one into one super transformation.
A nice follow up, but I'm kinda hoping this is the conclusion to Valmont's story arc and that the focus goes back to the Chan gang. He and his family can and should still come back as cameos, but the guy's story really seems done.
8537500
8537508
A better question may well be if the IRS CAN tax said funds? After all, as a Chinese Demon Sorcerer and familiar to a citizen of Hong Kong, would Hsi Wu's currency conversion be taxable by the US at all, or would it be taxed by China instead; probably at a very different rate. Not to mention said treasure is not necessarily income per say, but rather property. In other words, depending on where the sale of said property occurred, there may be little to no actual taxes on it, especially no US taxes.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the great work. Deus tecum.
8537837
That probably depends on two very important items. The first is the location of where the treasure horde is physically located. I know Hsi Wu has his "own ancient stronghold where it was hidden in a fold of magic-space-time", but the entrance to that has to be somewhere. Or even if the entrance can be anywhere in the world, the fact Hsi Wu has to open the portal to his stronghold in San Francisco probably means said stronghold is considered a part of the US (California specifically) and subject to all of its laws.
I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if every single country on the planet has laws governing the storage of assets in a fold of magic-space-time to close and all potential tax dodges through known magical means. Of course what is unknown cannot be regulated, but I'm sure the laws are changed every single time a politician is caught.
The second very important item would be Hsi Wu's citizenship status. Two details probably play into that very, very much. The first detail is naturally where he came into being (a location which has probably been lost to time). The second detail is the location of his demon portal, where he was released from his imprisonment. I would not be surprised at all if there exists an international treaty which states something along the lines of ancient immortal beings from long before the signing of this treaty, but who have been imprisoned/exist outside of normal reality shall obtain citizenship of the country of which they are first summoned/released in and are hereby subject to all of its laws both mortal and magical.
Which would mean Hsi Wu, Tchang Zu, and Xiao Fung are all American citizens. But I wouldn't be surprised in the least if the location of their demon portals are also their locations of birth. In which case… the only demon sorcerer without a citizenship would be Tso Lan. And it would technically mean Hsi Wu could possibly run for President of the United States.
…
Oh God! Sky Demon Sorcerer elected President of the United States. That would be amazing! XD
8537887
Alternatively, rather then treat Demon Familiars as separate beings, they may instead share their citizenship with the one they are bound to; in this case, Jade. If this is the case, then His Wu would be considered to be a citizen of China regardless of his original origins or the location of his summoning.
As for the location of his hoard, if he can access it anywhere, then it would likely be considered personal property and taxed as per the laws of the nation he is a citizen of. If he sells any of it in the US, then it can be taxed, but if Valmont is involved, then the paperwork would likely indicate it was sold and banked somewhere it would not be taxed, or at least not heavily.
As for the others, if they can prove a country of origin, then that would be the country that they would be citizens of. Otherwise, they would be immigrants, possibly illegal ones, and would have to apply for citizenship as per normal.
That Love Call of the Sirens reference. Sonata was cute.
I like how Jackie finally came to terms with the children and their antics.
8537037 One of them is pizza
8537618
My guess is Sonata and Jade, though I'm hoping it scratches at least one of the ponies.