Wings Spreading
Valmont smiled to himself as he and Bai Tza sat in the stands, watching a baseball game of all things. While Valmont himself had no interest in sports beyond the money made in gambling, pretending to take an interest provided good cover for why he was at the stadium, while he let Ratso wander around on his own in search of the Portal. Besides that, Bai was plainly interested in the sport for her own sake, though her interest had admittedly waned somewhat when she learned the bats were for use in propelling balls into the field and not for striking the opposing team. Still, she seemed to enjoy the sight of leanly muscled young men racing about a field, flaunting their capabilities and physics and getting dirty as they slid to base. "You know, if that's what you like about baseball, I could take you to see a football game, or perhaps rugby," he offered sweetly, though inwardly wincing at suggesting the American style of football. "That one, I understand, sometimes gets bloody."
Bai Tza shook her head, her eyes still locked on the field. "I've seen some footage of those games. The players are all far too top heavy for my tastes, with all their muscles in their shoulders and arms for smashing into each other. That sort of physique doesn't really appeal to me. I much prefer the leaner builds that could easily stay afloat, or swing from ship to ship." She turned a teasing smirk Valmont's way. "Soccer, on the other hand..."
Valmont blinked in surprise, then grinned widely.
"What do you mean you can't do anything?"
Valmont's eyes narrowed as he heard that familiar voice. "Chan?" he murmured softly under his breath. "What is he doing here?"
"Talking to Captain Black," Bai murmured without bothering to look, her magic letting her see out of any nearby liquid...of which there was plenty at a sports event in the form of soft drinks.
"It's the same reason we've never managed to nail him for anything before," Captain Black told Jackie firmly. "Unless we actually catch him doing anything illegal, we won't be able to make any charges stick, and he'll have more than enough to hit us with harassment counter suits."
"But he's releasing Demons!" Jackie insisted.
"And except for certain specific circumstances we'd need to prove, that could easily be justified," Captain Black responded.
"But in Rome-"
"With no video or magical evidence he was ever there, and a rock solid alibi elsewhere," Augustus responded. "Not only that, that was Bai Tza, and he could easily make a case that he was acting to acclimate her to the modern world to become a productive part of society."
"He's a criminal!"
"As long as she doesn't try to take over the world or engage in other acts of magical terrorism, The Veil Authorities don't care what side of the civil law she ends up on," Augustus countered. "And even then, we'd have to prove she was engaging in criminal activities just like Valmont, and prosecute her same as a human."
Jackie sounded strangled for a bit, as though struggling for words. "Well, she was released in Rome! Couldn't-"
"She already has a valid green card, and the application for full American citizenship was being processed before she showed up in Hollywood."
"Well what about Hollywood?" Jackie demanded angrily. "All those cameras-"
"Making a movie," Captain Black interrupted morosely.
"Are...are you telling me it's legal to open a demon portal in Hollywood to make a movie?" Jackie demanded angrily.
"How do you think they made Doom? You think someone can dream up devils that look that bad on the screen?"
Valmont bit his lip until it almost bled. "One of these days, Chan and the good Captain will be the death of me...from holding back laughter..."
While Jackie, Viper, Uncle, and Tohru were in the stands keeping an eye on Valmont and Bai Tza - though not preparing a banishment spell for her, at the girls' request - Jade and the fillies were making a snack run while also keeping an eye out for Ratso, Finn, or Chao. Unfortunately for the four girls, the snacks at a sports event tended towards the high salt and spice content - in order to encourage the purchase of more and larger drinks - and all four of them had been rather indiscriminate in consumption of food and beverages. As such, all four were now making a beeline for the public women's restroom, jostling each other as they struggled to get there first and fully expecting an incredibly long line.
Much to their surprise, the inside of the restroom was incredibly clean, almost sparkling, and there didn't appear to be a line to get in. However, as they entered, all the stalls were occupied. "Come on, come on..." Jade muttered as she rushed up to one stall, hoping whoever was inside would be finished soon.
To her surprise, the stall flashed with light, and a new stall appeared in its place, unoccupied. When she pushed the door open, toilet and paper were arranged at the perfect height for her. "What the...?"
Curious, Apple Bloom walked up to another stall. It flashed at her approach, revealing an unoccupied stall containing a small garden patch with leaves at just the right height. "...wow..." she murmured, stunned.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had their own surprising discoveries, as each of them found a stall with Japanese style squat toilets and bidets. "What is...?"
"Okay, this part of magic being normal rocks!" Jade affirmed before dashing into her stall to relieve herself. Understanding what she meant, the four girls quickly took advantage of this to hopefully get back to the game quicker, if not finding the demon portal quicker.
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Ah, the fun of bureaucracy. I understand why such laws exist in a world like this, but at the same time, I understand the frustration Jackie's feeling.
Magic that means restrooms are always clean and have enough facilities for anyone to use?
I'm with the fillies here: that's awesome.
Best public bathrooms... ever
Guess magic is quite good for stalling in this case.
And to be expected our intrepid duo didn't even bat an eye at the J clan arriving. Well, Bai didn't at least.
Must've been one helluva movie to not Doom it in the box office.
Well, lets face it their Doom was most likely a Helluva lot beater then the one we got.
The relationship between Valmont and Jackie Chan in this fic could be sum in this scene
Malphas: "So... let me get this straight, Mr. Bartkowiak, are you really serious about requesting a contract to unleash the hordes of hell over the mortal world... not to take over it, but to make a movie?"
"
8196250
Bartkowiak: Not the entire mortal world, just the studio we've set up here to look like a facility on Mars. You see there's this classic video game...
8196235
I'd certainly like to see that Doom movie. Sounds far more epic.
...Man imagine the vampire and werewolf communities being up in arms over their portrayal in Stephenie Meyer's shameful display...
8196147 ah ok so sorta like a rpg game the moves a game breaker but takes nearly the entire fight to perform so it can be stopped if you beat them fast enough
And lol I think magical multi dimension toilets would be a godsend for everyone and OMG using real Demons for doom priceless id love to see the liability contract for both sides stating we are in no way responsible for death mutilation or possession of people or demons for this film sign at you own risk and of understanding
8196301
Actually, think of it more like setting up a field spell. Takes effort to craft, only targets a specific area, and requires continuous magic flow to maintain (meaning he can't do anything else while he's doing it).
8196250
I vaguely remember a scene in Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency , a corporate executive is gloating about how demons can't negotiate a contract very well. Dirk's response was something to the effect that "Contracts are only useful if they can be enforced. Remember, you're dealing with some one who's idea of suing for breach of contract is to send a 10' tall invisible demon to cut your head off"
If I remember correctly, the portal is the door of the ladies room there at Fenway Park. Which Ratso did feel bad about going towards.
Captain Jack played Doom? Wow, I cannot imagine Augustus being a gamer at all.
That is a big coincidence, that Jackie was there when Valmont try to open a portal. He should not let chance, if they are around, he should know that something bad is going to happen.
8196382
Doom simulates an interdimensional invasion that begins via misuse of teleportal technology and abuse of employee assets. As an early learning measure, it is good to use it to acquaint people with the ideas for the following: Critical Resource Management, Navigating Hazards, Promotion of Exercise, Workplace Communication Skills, Bunny Sanctuaries, The Horrors of Inability to Communicate With Foreign People, Miracles of Science, and more! Yes Doom is a great source of learning fundamental aspects of treating with the horrible hellspawn hellbent on harrowing heedless hedonism!
That, and the games are fun!
8196284 "We are a culture, not a farce! This is not who we are, and this is not okay!"
"Also, we burn in broad daylight..."
"Yes! That, too! NOT OKAY!"
8196472 I think Black meant the Doom movie
That stall, hate to point out the obvious girls, but you're idjits for falling for such an obvious trick. When something seems too good to be true... IT PROBABLY IS!
OUCH!!
Also, Hogwarts magic for mundane public utilities. Nice.
8196498
8196284
You're both forgetting that there are hundreds of different subtypes of both vampires and werewolves, and in a world where all are known to the public she would have used the ones most similar to her vision. For example, not all vampires actually burn in the daylight, the majority actually just suffer discomfort similar to Photophobia and a severe decrease or even complete loss of their powers.
8196683 Highly doubt any vampire would survive the embarrassment of being a 'Meyer' type
And there's still the point of that werewolf falling in love with a baby...
8196313 exactly what I just said lol
8196814
I was not aware of that last part.
8196944
Yeah, Jacob (yes I hate I know enough about the books to know their names and some of the fucked-up parts) smelt the lead girl's baby and fell in love with it.
Good thing the baby aged fast...up to what looked like 12 so still super fucking creepy.
8196542 Except for mundane utility. Flip a switch and have the room you're in lit up without any smoke? Turn a knob and have a flow of clean, fresh water even several stories above the ground? A cabinet that keeps food fresh for several times as long as it usually lasts? All examples of things that would seem too good to be true to our ancestors if you go far enough back, but are taken for granted in large chunks of the world today...
Poor Jackie he just can't catch a break, when it comes to catching Valmont.
Chapter One Hundred Eighteen
"Aiyah!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 46
"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 80
Magical toilets, eh? Now THAT is something rather interesting! It's cool to see mundane magic in such a technologically rich world. A great reminder while many things have been kept the same, there's still some serious differences between the old and new world!
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/c6/db/aa/c6dbaafbacb5063942a403cf56b6a995.jpg
8196218 I would love the fact their tailored to your needs... Don't ask
8196284
She would get sued for libel. And inciting hate crimes...
8198299 And defamation from the werewolf community from the whole 'I smelt your baby now I love it' thing....
8196814
Try Thomas Raith from the Dresden Files and the rest of White Court of Vampires.
8197606
I guess that's the first example of Magic-Tech?
...wouldn't it be funny if they opened a bathroom stall and it allowed them to stay in Equestria... but they would have to hold it?
"Bye Rainbow Dash!" *Takes a dump and vanishes*
"What the-"
You know, sooner or later someone above Black in the chain of command is going to piece together that he was involved in a CK-Class restructuring event (suddenly asking very basic questions about the hows and whys of the world that anyone should know and asking for information that he would already know) and may want to have a long talk with him about it.
Love it !!
(Just kidding 
)
Tribalism I say!...Earth pony toilet is different to unicorn and pegasus...an outrage.
.....................Well crap (pun SOMEWHAT intended here) makes me wish this kind of world is one I would live in myself because THIS is very awesome. Seriously people. Have you SEEN a common public restroom? There's more DNA on the floor of a public restroom than at a crime scene.
And if people find my comment rather stupid, think of it like this. NUMEROUS small things, when put together so to speak, can add up. If anything, this kind of world is probably as close to Paradise as one can get and we are just seeing a SMALL FRACTION of the whole picture.
Think about that people.
Huh. I expected demonology to have some kind of legal standing in this world... but I certainly didn't think it would count as special effects.
8383943
Realistically, many examples of demons have been relatively benign. Not even close to being good of., but mercenary enough to play both sides for thier own ends.
Sure you get the occasional psycopath or megalomaniac, but aside from magic, how is that worse than some things humans have done.
I could honestly see demons and other tenuously-neutral-types living and being regarded like this in our world today, especially if magic became commonplace.
...and yes, before someone brings it up, I consider myself to skirt a delicate balance between all three stereotypical neutral states (true, lawful and chaotic).
8196284
ooh, ooh, i would love it if the protagonist of Van Helsing showed up. I mean, the minion of the antagonist already did so why not?
8409331
yeah, i have different personalities for that. the guardian only acts to protect himself or others. the warrior fights for the fun of it. the destroyer is not someone you want to meet. he is not so good at holding back his power. then, of course, is me, just a guy on vacation.