Three More Things!

by Tatsurou

Cold Blood, Warm Heart

As Viper slowly made her way out of the museum with the Pink Puma in sack, she paused as she heard many footsteps from across the hall. Turning, she was startled to see a man dressed in black and not wearing a ski mask to conceal his identity...not that she recognized him in the first place. Still, it was an amateur move. If the museum had even the most rudimentary of security camera systems - which it didn't, but still - he'd never escape anyone chasing him.

On top of that, with him were four little girls who weren't even dressed in black. What is this, a field trip? I didn't think New York had a Thieves' Guild. Her eyes quickly took in the girls' appearances. One had enough familial resemblance with the man to be his daughter, or at least a niece. The other three seemed perfectly ordinary, and she turned her focus back to-

She stopped her mind from skittering away. She never classified anything she encountered as 'ordinary' or 'normal'. That kind of mental trap got thieves caught when they overlooked important details. The very fact her mind tried to classify it that way made her suspicious. As such, she focused her attention discreetly on the three girls. Yet again, she found her senses didn't want to register anything out of the ordinary about them, but she wasn't going to let it go at that. Her stomach wanted high end chocolates every day, but keeping her figure was important to performing all aspects of her job well, and she wasn't weak-willed enough to take chances with that, so she wasn't going to give up just because her mind didn't want to register-

Three candy colored ponies somewhat larger than house cats, one with a horn, and one with wings, wearing pendants whose light pierced her eyes in an attempt to prevent her awareness.(1)

Viper found herself staring, frozen in the realization of just what she was seeing, until the man finally spoke up. "I think this mirror is broken."

Pulling her attention away from the ponies, Viper leapt, striking at this other thief with a jump kick, managing to catch him right in the face. Apparently, he hadn't expected the attack. She hadn't really planned on a fight, but the longer he remained the more likely he'd be caught, and her theft blamed on him, allowing her to get off scot-free. Alternatively, it also prevented him from trying to get her loot.

She saw his loot sack sliding away, and lunged in to knock him out quickly, only for her to get flipped over him. Crap! Didn't expect martial arts skills. He certainly doesn't carry himself like a fighter. Can't underestimate him again. By the time she finished her thought, she'd rolled from her back where she'd landed to her feet, keeping track of where her loot sack slid to...right next to his. Better be careful to grab the right one, she grumbled internally, not wanting to leave someone else with her loot, or get stuck with whatever this amateur was stealing.

Rushing back in, she was able to catch the man off guard, managing to knock him back. Unfortunately, his defense was, again, greater than she expected, and he managed to block more than half of her strikes.

"Wow, she rules!" the human girl called out eagerly, making Viper smile under her mask. She wasn't above enjoying a little praise from youngsters when she got to show off.

"Ahem!" all three ponies interrupted, glaring at her.

"I mean...go Jackie?" the girl offered, causing the man to roll his eyes.

So his name's Jackie, then, Viper thought, running her mind back through everything she'd researched. Don't know the name. She quickly lunged in to continue the fight.

He proved to be a skilled opponent, only his own underestimation of her allowing her to get any sort of advantage. Unfortunately, she was forced to give that away after a quick exchange of blows to keep him from falling into the security lasers. When he stood up to continue the fight, he glanced at his watch, and then his eyes widened. "You guys are 20 minutes early!"

"What guys?" Viper countered irritably. "I'm an independent."

"You're not with the Dark Hand?" Jackie asked, confused.

Understanding dawned in her mind. She'd recognized the - rather incompetent - Dark Hand Enforcer casing the joint over a different item while she'd been casing it for the Pink Puma. Apparently, this guy was some sort of anti-crime agent, specifically here for the Dark Hand...though with how amateurish he behaved as far as thieving, it was probably his first field op or something. Should be able to talk my way out of this, she decided as she pulled her mask off. Or flirt. "Name's Viper."

"Someone else is after the Talisman?" Jackie, the human girl, the unicorn, and the yellow pony all said at once. The Pegasus, however, gasped eagerly.

"Ohmygosh!" she squealed happily. "You're the infamous jewel thief! You must be here for the Pink Puma!"

"No autographs, kid," Viper countered quickly, though inwardly she was pleased to encounter a fan. Talisman? she thought to herself. What's so important about some rock carving?

"Wow!" the human girl crowed happily. "When I grow up, I wanna be just like her!"

"A criminal?" Jackie demanded, anger and shock warring in his voice.

"A female Jackie Chan!"

While Viper didn't enjoy the idea of being referred to like a knock off, she recognized hero worship when she saw it, and took it as the compliment she knew it was meant as. At the same time, she ran through her mind to see if the full name rang any bells.

"She is nothing like me!" Jackie barked out indignantly.

"So, what's with the minors?" Viper asked curiously. "Youth outreach? Guild field trip?" The yellow pony was the only one to giggle, so at least one of them caught her joke.

"Stay out of this!" Jackie countered, stepping between Viper and the girls. "In fact, you are under arrest!"

Yup, rookie government agent, Viper thought to herself.

Before she could respond, however, the pegasus spoke up. "Yeah, good luck with handing her over to the cops while you have 'stolen property' as well, Jackie."

Huh, Viper thought curiously. An unsanctioned op at that. She sauntered up to him, deciding to try a different tact. "Yeah. We'd both go to jail."

"I am not a crook!" Jackie cried out angrily. "I am an archaeologist!" As he screamed, he swung his arm back...knocking a large urn over and shattering it and setting off an alarm. He seemed more concerned about the urn than the alarm, though.

"Way to go," Viper chided, surprised to see the human girl voice the exact same opinion. Grabbing her loot sack, Viper raced out of there. A security door closed long before she could get to it, so she pulled out her gun and fired off the explosive round, blasting the door open, letting her - and Jackie's group - out of the museum through the front door. She hated being so messy, but once the alarms went off she was just glad to have the option when she needed it.

As she turned to leave once outside, the girl tried to go after her. "Viper!" she called out, only for Jackie to pull her back.

"Okay, no more 'follow the Viper'," she chided, definitely not ready to take on an apprentice.

"No problem," Jackie retorted firmly, letting Viper run off her own way.

---

Evasive maneuvers meant that Viper didn't make it back to her hotel room until early morning, at which point she was able to read the paper as she relaxed. The headline about Jackie Chan stealing the Pink Puma made her chuckle. "Should have gotten out of there when you had the chance," she muttered under her breath. She sighed sadly to herself. "Still, those ponies...probably the only chance I had at getting to cuddle a talking pony. Gonna regret that in the future."

She flopped back onto her bed, reaching into her loot sack. "Still, I got what I wanted-" Her words stopped as she felt something that was not a diamond. Pulling it out, she saw the Snake Talisman Jackie and the others had been making a fuss about. "Damn," she muttered under her breath. "Must have switched bags. So that's how he got caught..." Shrugging her shoulders, she turned it over and over in her hand. "What's all the fuss about this thing, anyway?" she asked as she squeezed it in her hand.

The Talisman ignited in light, and she vanished.

"...whoa..."

---

---

(1) As you can see, the pendants' protections aren't perfect. Those aligned with magic, or those who have trained their minds against deception, will be able to see past them. In Viper's case, it's the Batman effect.

Comments

[cyberlord4444]

Well then, something tells me that Viper's about to get a second swing at bat, if you get my meaning.

[MythrilMoth]

Bad day?

[the other sans]

Guess Jackie still... Urned Viper's ire.

Too bad Jackie was... caught up in the moment.

Seems Viper's enthusiasm didn't vanish with the talisman.

[Greatazuredragon]

Her stomach wanted high end chocolates every day, but keeping her figure was important to performing all aspects of her job well, and she wasn't weak-willed enough to take chances with that

Yeah compared to that the pendants powers is easy.

[Void Runner]

Chapter Thirty Four

"Aiyah!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 24

"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 42

[Seirs]

Well I can tell I've had this story on my brain. Was reading another a few hours ago, and in it Celestia said 'one more thing' and in my head I heard it as Tia imitating Uncle...

Nice chapter and I really like the explanation for Viper seeing the fillies, especially her own reaction that was great.

[The Bricklayer]

Gotta love this chapter, so much focus on the Jackie Chan version of Catwoman.

[RanmaChaos]

Another enjoyable chapter. Good job.

[Dirty Bit]

Now to have fun with Jackie misinterpreting code between Jade and Ratso

[KVFFour]

Hmm. It seems the artifacts have the ability to grant a certain aspect........

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

Back in the day, I did watch the show. But, that day was what, 20 years ago? ICR many of the details.

Still, it seems that the talismans tend to gravitate to those who fit each one's profile. If Jackie thinks he's had problems so far, just wait. He doesn't know the meaning of trouble -but he's going to learn

[EchoWing]

Oh dear. I hope a call was made to Captain Black...

7453319 Steady there, I'm this close to breaking out the Who and David Caruso.

[SvenFoxx]

7453370 Bit more complicated than that. The pendants are like camouflage for the senses. It hides the wearers from being seen as anything but normal. If, however, one were trained in seeing the small details within the many other larger details, such as scouts and thieves, they would realize something was very wrong when you can only describe something as normal and ordinary.

After all, there's no such thing as "Normal". Everyone and everything has something outstanding about them, even if it's the fact that they seem normal.

At least... that how I THINK Tatsurou designed the pendants. I could be wrong.

[SvenFoxx]

7453335 ?????

I'm missing something here...

[Chrome Masquerade]

Wow! Viper's pretty strong willed, then!

[nightmaster0]

Really enjoying this spectacular story.

I'm curious about what you're going to do with the Demon sorcerers arc. Any chance of changing Hsi Wu's fate? I'll be honest and admit he's my favorite. I love stories about him and Jade.

[Kenshinryuu]

Viper is awesome. I can totally see her sitting down on a couch after this adventure is over and the Crusaders cuddling up to her as all four snuggle after a long day of Dark Hand plot foiling.

[badninja]

7453694

He is keeping track of certain catch phrases that where common on this show. Trust me by the end if that count is not in quadruple digits, or higher, I would be shocked.

[badninja]

So how fast do we think that Viper will switch sides because of the cute pony overlords?

[SvenFoxx]

7454048 I could argue about how the Force is a form of very basic mind control, and the pendants are nothing more than perception filters, but I really don't want to start an argument over it, so I propose we agree to disagree and leave it at that.

Besides, I don't think Tats actually gave a detailed description of the pendants' inner workings, so we could both be right for all we know.

7449263 I... am an idiot. How the Fk did I forget Raijin and Fujin?! Them and Inari are my favorite Gods from the Shinto pantheon!

Thanks.

[Tatsurou]

7454149
No, it's not. I meant culture, not language.

[Naturefang]

7454114 Raiden is a fictional characters inspired by Raijin

[Zane Wolfe]

7454220
7454220

Actually unless I'm mistaken, Raiden is nothing more than a bad WESTERN translation of Raijin. Chinese lore isn't my specialty like with Japanese, but I don't recall Raiden, or Raijin either, actually being a part of any of the various Chinese mythos, and I know that Raijin isn't referred to as Raiden at all in Japanese mythos. Lei Gong is the Chinese Thunder God, at least in Tao. Indeed the image of Raiden, the monk with the large hat, is actually a construct of Western culture, first appearing in "Big Trouble in Little China". In that film the look is actually used by THREE characters, 'The Three Storms', Thunder, Rain, & Lightning. Neither Lei Gong nor Raijin look anything like the various incarnation of 'Raiden', whom for all I am aware is nothing more than a product of Western civilization.

[Zane Wolfe]

7454272 Meant to get you AND Tats with my post above, not simply get Tats twice.

Edit: Also removed the block on you.

[Naturefang]

7454482
Raiden is a mortal kombat character based on Raijin. Please do not try to correct me on my own faith

[Jake Witt]

7454666 ...owww... Why did you kick my Gotens?!

[Zane Wolfe]

7454695 Not sure if you read my actual post or just glanced at it and made a snap reply, but at NO point did I suggest Raiden was actually part of either Chinese or Japanese mythos. Indeed that was my entire point. Raiden is purely a Western creation, NOT a mythological character.

[ArchAngelGundam]

This, this is going to be good. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

[wlam]

7454938
I only hurt you because I love you.

[Jake Witt]

You'll get it. It is funny.

[Inertial]

Sack not sac.

Sac is a body part. Sack is a bag.

[Xuncu]

Which Batman effect? http://9gag.com/gag/aNZP7jw/the-batman-effect

[Boulder]

7560701 Certainly not this one!
i.makeagif.com/media/10-05-2014/GgcCxO.gif