• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,952 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou

Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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Double Your Fun

Jade and the fillies stared in shock as they tried to figure out what happened. Hsi Wu, however, responded immediately. "Monkey King!" he snarled out as he shifted to his demon form, bracing himself between the Monkey and Jade. "I thought that puppet looked familiar..."

The Monkey King turned to look at Hsi Wu, then did a double take. "Wuwu baby, is that you?" he teased as he leapt into the air, landing on Hsi's shoulder and looking him over. "Really been hitting the gym, haven't you? Look at these gains!" He pulled out a measuring tape and began measuring Hsi's muscle mass, and within moments had him completely tied up in the tape, landing away from him in a doctor's outfit. "Sadly your funny bone is still grossly underdeveloped." He let off a mad cackle as he flipped backwards, landing back in his normal attire, if it could be called that, only to spin into an outfit remarkably similar to what Wesley Rank had worn before he was revealed for the fraud he was. "Now who's this sheila who's tamed this whopper, eh?" he asked in the fakest Australian accent the girls had ever heard as he leaned forward to look Jade over.

Jade, for her part, promptly kicked him between the legs.

The Monkey King let out a pained squawk as he bent over clutching himself. "Ah...so you're a real spitfire, eh?" he asked as he took in a deep breath.

As Hsi burst free of the measuring tape, Jade smashed a bottle of wine over the Monkey King's head, soaking him in the flammable alcohol. "You know, with all the stories about the legendary trickster Monkey King I'd read...I expected more than discount Deadpool," she pointed out blandly as the beast let the breath out without spitting fire. "At least guard your magic satchel better, it's too easy to reach into."

The Monkey King wiped his face and glowered at her. "You're going to-" He stopped as a dry chuckle echoed from the fifth recumbent figure. When he turned towards it and got a look, he let out a sudden defiant hiss. "No! I just escaped one prison, I'm not going back into another!" With no further explanation than that, he leapt out the window and dashed off.

The figure slowly sat up. At first glance, it appeared to be an old Chinese man dressed in white silk, a close shaven white beard and hair the only sign of true age. As his eyes opened, they sparked with gentle mischief, but there was wisdom behind that gaze. As he came fully aware, the girls felt a sudden overpowering sense of presence...of legend. Reaching over, he picked up a crimson staff and pushed himself to his feet before smiling down at the girls. "Well now," he murmured, his voice ancient but brimming with vim and vigor, "this is a gathering I haven't seen in a long time. Humans, Demons, God blessed, and-" His eyes sparkled in mischievous delight as he glanced at the fillies. "Oh, I won't say. That's too much fun."

Jade was the first to find her voice. "S-Sun Wu Kong, I presume?" she managed to ask.

The figure raised an eyebrow. "Why the stutter, Miss Chosen One? You've met a Goddess and earned her favor, why are you-" He paused, glanced down at himself, and facepalmed. "Been so long since I've been in charge of myself I forgot about that." He closed his eyes and focused, and the overpowering sense of presence withdrew.

The fillies managed a gasp in response as they were able to find their breath. "So is that, like, the Class 1 or 2 equivalent of leaving your fly open?" Scootaloo managed to ask brusquely.

Sun Wu Kong laughed softly. "Very much so. And provisional Class 1. I'm not on the Jade Council, but I'm an advisory member...or at least, I was before..." A frown crossed his face as he glanced from Hsi Wu to the east.

"You tangled with Shendu and he used the power of the Tiger Talisman to invert your moral compass, putting your alter ego of the Monkey King in charge?" Sweetie Belle asked incisively. "The side of you that doesn't care about others in pursuit of fun?"

Sun Wu Kong blinked in surprise. "You put that together just from a glance to the east?" he asked, impressed.

"That and the tiger roar when the magic burst, and that Jackie's split inta Tiger and Kitten again," Apple Bloom pointed out as the named individuals sat up with a groan.

"What the hell just happened?" Tiger demanded with a growl as he rubbed his head.

"Brother!" Kitten complained. "Language! The children are present-"

"I don't think Hell counts as a swear word in this world if it's an actual place individuals can commute back and forth from," Tiger snapped derisively. "There are Devils that attend Jade's school, after all."

Kitten raised a hand in objection, then sighed and lowered it. "Point made. But you still shouldn't swear in front of the children-"

"Oh give it a rest!" Tiger snarled. "If you want to keep them from bad influences, stop letting them hang out with Valmont's girls! Swearing's the least of your worries compared to Adagio."

"They need a good example by comparison!" Kitten snapped back.

Sun Wu Kong promptly fished out a few coins. "McKettle? A bucket if you please?"

"On th' house for the return o' me favorite customer!" the popcorn goblin said as it appeared and handed Sun some popcorn. "Dare ah hope th' Monkey's back in its cage?"

"Not yet, but I'm working on it," Sun promised as he munched.

"Planning on sharing?" one of the Vipers - this one wearing a sundress and apron - asked softly as she reached up to Sun's bucket.

"With such a fetching maid?" Sun replied warmly. "Of a certainty." He held the bucket down to let her take some.

Another Viper - in the feline form of the pitch black panther and wearing nothing - took a pawful as well. "If it comes to blows, I hope Tigerrrr goes forrr the shirrrt," she purred eagerly.

"Ahem!" the apron-clad Viper insisted darkly.

"I'm surrre Hsi will coverrr Jade's eyes orrr otherrrwise rrremove herr if it comes to that," the feline Viper pointed out dryly.

"Fair enough," the more domestic Viper allowed.

"This is going to be awkward..." Hsi Wu muttered grimly.

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