• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,952 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou



Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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Dark Future

Tso Lan was not having a good day.

It was bad enough that his brothers' idiocy in the Netherrealm had forced them into one of the worst possible paths. It was even worse that Valmont still wasn't regaining consciousness, and thus couldn't help and advise him. Bai's continued insensate state was also concerning and no help. But why did human technology have to get so difficult?

He understood how to use a rotary phone, or even a touch tone phone. But if these other phones were so smart, then why was their only answer to 'Call Chans' to say "That number is not in your contacts"? If he knew the number to call, he wouldn't need to ask the 'smart' phone what it was! Blasted useless technology! And this was the human greatness that the Balance and the policy of 'minimum divine intervention' was established to allow to flourish? The 'Henderson' incident was surely a fluke, and no evidence of potential human greatness! As soon as Tso Lan got his brothers free, he was getting off this planet before the Old Ones came back to avenge their lost member!

He'd tried getting assistance from Valmont's men...but they refused to obey him! Each one had told him flat out that they took orders only from Valmont and Bai Tza as 'his lady', and told him what he could do with his orders...sometimes quite graphically. ...the goofy one's knowledge of obscure animal anatomy was impressive, as was his imagination regarding the anatomical improbabilities involved in such things. How had he ever even heard of the extinct Turducken?

This had also included a refusal to help with the Pan'ku Box. As a result, Tso Lan had been forced to carefully float the box in his magic - still painful and draining, but nowhere near as much as if he held it in his own hands - and guesstimate the approximate location of Shendu's portal based on memory and geography, hoping the latter hadn't changed too much. He'd been forced to summon a messenger demon to contact the Chans, and the message perforce had to be short and to the point. "The girl is in the Netherrealm. Meet to discuss her release." That followed by coordinates was all the messenger demon could hold in its memory, since hiring one with a greater message capacity would have required offerings Tso Lan simply couldn't get...especially since the Messenger Demon policy now stated all Sacrifice Offerings had to be given willingly by the source being. Stupid union regulations...

He hoped Xiao Fung was up to a fight if necessary. He would be too drained to fight well for several minutes if it came to that, Bai Tza was hidden around the corner on the off chance she recovered, and Shendu in Valmont's body was at best of questionable assistance. While he had access to his magic still, he'd had difficulty accessing it on the way here, forcing Tso Lan to carry them all with his magic. If the Chans chose to fight, this likely would not end well.

Feeling someone approach, he tried to relax...but found that fleeing as he caught sight of Jackie Chan, garbed in the Armor of the Immortals with sword drawn. The worst had happened.


Jackie glowered as he stepped up to where the Demons waited. He knew for certain that it was all demons he faced here. Uncle had managed to craft a spell that would allow the one it was cast on to see through a Demon's human disguise and reveal their true form. He saw Tso Lan, Xiao Fung...and Shendu. He didn't have all the information, but he knew he had enough. The demons had kidnapped Jade, and now they were using her as a hostage while torturing Hsi Wu.

Jackie hadn't liked Hsi Wu being with Jade all that much, but had eventually accepted that he was simply outvoted. When Uncle had clutched at his hand with a wince and Tohru his with a bellow, he understood it was because someone had caused great harm to Hsi Wu. Uncle had been able to explain that it affected Tohru more strongly because the harm had come due to an act of self-sacrifice on Hsi's part, resonating through Kindness. That was enough to put Hsi Wu into Jackie's good books.

When the message came not from the fillies or from Valmont, but via demon messenger from Tso Lan, he knew things had gone very south. As much as Jackie hated to admit it, he'd begun to trust Valmont as a man of his word. Sure, he was a criminal and thus not someone you admitted to knowing to law enforcement or the PTA, but at a fundamental level was an honorable man. He'd stated his intent to free and rehabilitate the Demon Sorcerers, and Jackie believed that had been his intent. It was plain to Jackie now that he'd been used, though. The demons intended to use Jade as leverage to force Uncle to find a way to free them all...and Jackie would not let that happen. Uncle was working to contact Jade to tell her to get to Shendu's portal, the only one they had reliable access to. Jackie was here to get the portal open by whatever means necessary so Jade could get out. Hsi could be summoned via the Familiar magic rather easily.

He knew what he was here to do. He was here to save his niece, and protect his family from the demons no matter what it took.

"So you come looking for a fight?" Tso Lan demanded crossly.

"I come to save my niece," Jackie countered flatly. "If I have to kill you all to do that, then so be it."

"Death is not the barrier to us that it is to mortals, Chan," Shendu hissed spitefully. "I am unliving proof of that."

"And you've been here since the beginning," Jackie deduced angrily. "Manipulating Valmont into this?"

"In a manner of speaking," Shendu allowed, always eager to take credit for things.

"You are outmatched, Chan," Xiao Fung pointed out flatly. "Even with your sword and armor, there are four of us." When Chan's eyes flickered over them, Xiao chuckled. "Bai is nearby...but she won't reveal herself until after she's struck you down, should that be necessary."

"Think sensibly, Chan," Tso Lan spoke firmly. "This fight is pointless and unnecessary."

Jackie's eyes locked on the Pan'ku Box. He saw what he could do. "You're right about that," he observed dryly as he swung.

Balance Breaker sheared through the Pan'ku Box, causing it to explode in a burst of Good Chi as the sword absorbed the spells held within.

"What are you doing?" Tso Lan demanded in shock.

"Protecting my family!" Jackie stated angrily. "BEGONE!" With that shout, he swung the sword, unleashing a wave of banishment magic that would arc across the world, sealing the portals permanently as the demons were banished.

Tso Lan and Xiao Fung, unprepared for the wave, were blasted away almost immediately. Shendu's spirit was ripped from Valmont's body, allowing the man to regain consciousness as the portal was opened..and Jade and a badly singed Hsi Wu flew out as though thrown by a mighty arm before the portal closed. "Chan?" Valmont asked in confusion. "What are-" A terrified shriek was heard. "BAI!"


Valmont raced around the corner, managing to catch hold of Bai Tza's wrists as she was pulled towards her portal. They clung to each other as the man struggled through sheer force of will to hold his love in the human world. He struggled even as the magic stripped her human form away, forcing her into her demon form.

"Don't!" Bai screamed out as the force became all the more intense. "You'll be pulled into the Netherrealm with me!"

"With you forever, here or there!" Valmont called out desperately. "I don't care which!"

Bai's eyes filled with tears at that declaration. "I'm...sorry..." Her hands turned to water, and she slipped from his grip.

"Bai, NO!" Valmont screamed in despair, reaching out for his love only for her to be dragged far beyond his reach and sight. He collapsed to the ground and wept bitterly.

Footsteps approached him. It was Chan. "Valmont...I..."

Rage unlike anything he'd ever known suddenly swamped Valmont. This was Chan's doing! That mule-headed, impatient, reckless, careless-


Jackie stepped back in shock as Valmont's face twisted into a mask of fury. He'd meant to talk to Valmont about what had just happened, what he hadn't realized-

Valmont leapt to his feet and leveled his hand at Jackie. A beam of concussive golden light lanced out, blasting Jackie out of the Armor of the Immortals and leaving him with a scorch mark on his chest as he gasped for air.

As the Armor collapsed without someone to wear it, Valmont's human form dissolved away, leaving behind something that most definitely was not human. A large golden sphere floated in the center, horns at the top rising into a crown of thorns that slowly rotated over the central sphere. A single crimson iris opened in a slit across the front. Two large hands of golden light hovered to either side of the sphere, disconnected as they extended razor sharp claws.

After a time, Valmont's human shape reasserted itself, shaping around the demonic shape...but Jackie saw the silhouette of the Demon superimposed on the man, the true form behind the mask. "You will regret this, Chan," Valmont snarled before vanishing into light.

Jackie groaned as he clutched at his chest. "...bad day..."

Author's Note:


Valmont, Demon of Light. Drawn by Moheart7.
Source: https://moheart7.deviantart.com/art/Demon-of-Light-703896457

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