• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,953 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou

Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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You Better Not Pout

Another elf rushed up to Elvin once the CMC stopped their shout. "The rescue team?" he asked worriedly.

"Check," Elvin confirmed.

"Thank goodness," the elf replied happily. "Mrs. Claus called from the Bahamas, and we had to pretend like everything was okay! Can you imagine what she'd do if she learned someone had kidnapped him while he was vulnerable?"

"Doesn't bear thinking about," Elvin agreed firmly.

"Enough chit-chat!" Uncle interrupted before any of the others questioned why Mrs. Claus could be scary. "Uncle needs ingredients!"

As several elves walked off with Uncle to help make the locator spell potion, Elvin turned to the others. "There's another problem. Given the nature of the world, Santa plays a very tricky role in the balance of magical power. As long as he's alive, he has to be delivering presents the moment the sun fully sets Greenwich Mean Time, or time itself on the planet will stop. It's why Greenwich Mean Time was made the UCT for time zones. There are no exceptions. We need help to keep loading the sleigh, and if things will run even a moment long, we need someone to fill in for him, a man big enough to fill the Big Man's shoes."

"So a man for whom only his heart is larger than his body?" Mrs. T asked curiously. "I can help you there." She patted Tohru on his side. "There's nobody bigger than my baby boy, and the only thing bigger than his muscles is his heart."

"M-Mommy..." Tohru stammered in embarrassment.

Elvin looked him over. "...we might need to majorly modify the suit, but he'll do-"

"No you don't," Sofia spoke up quickly. "We took a week off from the Antique Shop earlier in the month so Tohru could be a mall Santa."

"I-I made his outfit," Lucia spoke up shyly. "A-and ours."

"We were his elves," Ysabelle explained. "Though I'm honestly surprised what Lucia designed for us." Her cheeks colored at that.

"I only had so much material..." Lucia whimpered softly.

"Then get changed, you four," Elvin said firmly. "We'll need all four of you on the sleigh. For now, we'll do what we can here."

It didn't take long for Tohru and the girls to get changed. Tohru looked the perfect part in his red fur suit with white trim, a long white beard magically affixed to his face and the sack on his back. As for Sofia, Lucia, and Ysabelle...well, none could argue that they fit the elf costume. Green jackets, matching hats, candy-cane stripe tights, and pointed shoes...though it fit them a good deal more snugly than it did on the actual elves.

"Well it's certainly the most...mature team we've had save Christmas," Elvin observed awkwardly as he handed Tohru a medallion. "Wear this while you travel. It'll let anyone in the know know that you're an official Santa stand-in and not just some random impersonator."

"You have protocol for that?" Captain Black asked in surprise.

"You've seen the specials," Elvin observed calmly. "This is hardly the first time someone's figured out how to snatch the Big Man before the Big Night. My job is to identify each of the security holes they use each time and close them so they can't be used again. I thought I'd pulled that off this time, but the sunset start-to-finish time frame was as small as I could get it."

"I just hope Daolong Wong hasn't figured out a way through the elf magic barrier before we get there," Hsi Wu observed worriedly.

Santa glanced out the window of his cottage thoughtfully. He'd been acting a little foolish as he tried to talk Daolong Wong down, 'mishearing' a desire for cheese instead of chi and offering to put him in contact with someone "as crazy as you are with an infinite supply", deliberately trying to keep the wizard as angry as possible so he would not think clearly. However, he was no longer in sight. That made one thing plain...he'd found the hole.

Or...what he thought was the hole.

Santa's grin looked oddly vicious on his angelic face as he trumped over to the fireplace. As he'd thought, a bit of soot was starting to fall...so he lowered his closed fist into the fire. "Shoryuken!" he declared as he thrust his flaming fist upward.

Daolong Wong let out a surprised and angry scream as the fist connected with his rear, sending him flying back up the chimney with a burning ass.

Santa chuckled as he waved his hand to put it out, not even a scuff on flesh or coat. Coming down chimneys as often as he did, fire damage was the least of his worries. Still, it wouldn't be long before threats other than the wizard himself came down...

And there was the magic, turning the garlands around pillars into fell serpents. Santa was ready for them to try and bind him...but instead they made for the door in an attempt to force it open. "Well aren't you the clever one," he murmured as he made his way to a corner and opened a case. Turning, he unloaded the shotgun he'd pulled out into the snakes, blasting them to bits. "The song got it wrong," he murmured softly. "I never went crazy. I always was."

Switching actual shells out for blessed rock salt charged with his own magic, he kicked the window open before unloading a couple blasts into Daolong Wong himself. "One thing I'm not allowed ta do is kill!" he called out, his voice slowly starting to get the slightest hint of a Scottish accent. "But ya took mah Wee Men from me. Ya shoulda known better, ye darn cultist!"

Elvin shuddered worriedly as Uncle finished preparing the chi spell. "I just hope the Big Man doesn't start having past-life flashbacks," he observed worriedly. "The last time he had one was the inspiration for the Weird Al song."

"...I am learning far more about Christmas than I ever expected to know..." Jade muttered in awe.

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