Return to Filler
Viper sighed softly to herself as she followed Jackie down the ancient tunnel underground, the only source of light the flickering of his torch, the only sound the splash of water around their feet and the occasional hiss of a snake or skitter of a spider or mouse. "I didn't think I'd freak you out that badly..." she grumbled finally.
"Huh?" Jackie asked in confusion.
"With the toys, I mean," Viper continued delicately. "I mean, they were pretty basic. I didn't think you were that much of a virgin before meeting me..."
"I'd seen toys before," Jackie responded readily. "Just...never any that wriggled like they were alive." He shuddered visibly.
"But Animate Object is the simplest of cantrips!" Viper pointed out. "You don't even need to have magic to draw it, and you can power it with even the smallest mana crystals. You can pick those up in any store, hanging right next to the double A's."
Jackie blinked in surprise. He had a lot to get used to as far as this world of magical normality. He'd just have to deal with it as he went. "I forgave you for that as soon as I was me instead of we again," he pointed out softly.
"That's what I thought, too," Viper agreed. "Especially when you asked me to go to Venice with you. But...I wasn't expecting this. Though it's you, so I should have expected it to be an expedition."
"What were you expecting?" Jackie asked curiously.
"A romantic trip with just the two of us," Viper responded ruefully.
"You don't find this romantic?" Jackie asked in surprise.
Viper stared at him, completely flummoxed. "In what world could trudging through a partially flooded tunnel filled with snakes, spiders, rats, and cobwebs with a torch possibly be romantic?" she demanded.
"I suppose it's all in how you look at it," Jackie allowed happily. "A trip by fire-light along a secluded waterway, the only company the weather and the wildlife...just the two of us in the heart of adventure together, with only each other to rely on..." He suddenly stepped back, pulling Viper out of the way as a brief rockfall almost struck them. "...with just enough of a hint of danger to get the blood pumping," he concluded with a soft smile.
Viper did her best to slow her breathing. "...okay, whoever wrote that line for you, get him to write more."
Jackie hung his head. "And now I'm worried about Jade again."
Viper's eyes widened in shock. "Hsi Wu wrote it? Damn, her boyfriend's good. She's going to have her hands full..." Frowning thoughtfully, she glanced down at her phone. "Oh, that's why she hasn't called. No signal."
"And cut off from the rapid communication of the rest of the world, letting us slow down and enjoy," Jackie added warmly.
Viper chuckled softly. "Okay, I guess this can be considered romantic," she allowed as they reached the end of the path, where a wall full of ancient carvings greeted them. "As long as you pay more attention to me than the ancient ruin," she added as Jackie knelt to start copying the carvings.
Jackie chuckled nervously as he finished filling the carvings in...only for them to glow as the wall opened up, revealing a stone statue wearing a golden necklace. "Treasure at the end of the adventure?" he offered hopefully, quickly moving to grab it.
"Jackie, watch out for-"
As Jackie grabbed the necklace, the statue's eyes glowed red. The floor around the statue collapsed into a pit of spikes, forcing Jackie to cling to the statue for dear life.
"...traps..." Viper concluded lamely. "And where does this fall on the 'romantic getaway' plan?"
"Uh...role reversal where you get to rescue me?" Jackie suggested uncertainly.
Viper smirked as she rested her hand on her cocked hip. "I certainly won't say no to that..." Her voice trailed off as she spun, lashing out with her foot to knock a bullwhip off course before it could reach Jackie. "Especially now that you're here, Vanessa."
A tall woman who looked to be about Viper's age stepped out of the shadows. Her skin was tanned, her blonde hair tied in a straight horsetail. She wore a yellow blouse, grey pants, and a long red jacket. Her bronze eyes flashed as she pulled the bullwhip back. "Viper," she began, a strong English accent in her voice. "I didn't expect to see you here. I'd heard you'd been defanged."
"You heard wrong," Viper responded coldly as they began to circle.
"Uh...friend of yours, Viper?" Jackie asked curiously.
"I've called Vanessa Barone a thief, a mercenary, and a treasure hunter," Viper explained calmly, not taking her eyes off the woman. "But one thing I'll never call her is 'friend'."
"Aw, I'm hurt," Vanessa responded playfully. "And after all those times we worked so well together..."
"You mean the times you used me as a decoy to get away with your prize, blowing my op?" Viper snapped angrily.
"Temper temper, Viper," Vanessa chided superiorly. "You know what happens when you lose your cool in a fight." Without warning, she lashed out with her bullwhip, only to be forced to drop it as it came alive in her hands and lashed back at her.
"Care to try that again?" Viper asked callously as she lunged in to grapple.
Jackie watched as the two women began to fight. Viper was obviously superior in strict hand-to-hand combat, but the fight would still plainly take a while...and be pretty entertaining to watch. He sighed as he slipped the necklace into a pocket. "Where's a popcorn vendor when you need one?" he murmured thoughtfully.
A goblin held a bag of popcorn out to him. "Hmm...Venice," he murmured in a thick Scottish brogue. "That'll be six euros."
Jackie stared at the goblin in shock. "Where did you come from?" he asked in shock.
"Niche marketing," the goblin replied, pointing to the sign on his stall.
Pop-In-'N-Out-Corn
The Vendor That's Always There When You Need One
Jackie blinked in shock for a time, then shrugged and handed over six euros. Taking the bag, he began to munch. "This is good!" he proclaimed in surprise.
"Ya danna think ah keep this niche wit' bad popcorn, do ye?" the goblin countered before vanishing, stall and all.
Shrugging, Jackie returned to eating his popcorn and watching Viper kick ass...all while wondering if the torn clothing - in both directions - was intentional on her part.
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Tatsurou's stories always have popcorn when you need it.
Guess the fight between Viper and Vanessa is where they ler 'er rip.
I'm guessing that goblin's business is just popping up with sales.
I almost expect Jade to try and conjure some sort of sprite that specifically follows people around and says 'He's not my boyfriend!'. She should name it Dasher. You know, just to be on the Level.
Pfft! Okay, had not realized that magic being normal meant there would be magic sex toys. And the fact it's the most basic one is hilarious. XD
…Tiger Talisman therapy sessions are working wonders on Jackie.
Then again maybe not.
So Jade is calling Viper right now and probably leaving her a ton of messages. Also, I'm half expecting Hsi Wu to be keeping a secret magical journal where he's writing down and saving all the romantic ideas he's going to use on Jade the second she turns 18 years old.
Though I do wonder if during this round of filler if Tats is going to cover the episodes The King and Jade (I can already see this being hilarious), Enter the Cat (Valmont already has a liking for fish, so I doubt Bai is going to notice a very large change), Pleasure Cruise (Just picturing Valmont and Bai being on the same ship and legitimately on vacation while the Chans are at work could lead to all sorts of fun situations. Especially since Mrs. T tags along.) and Tough Luck (seeing the Enforcers try to strike out on their own in this magical world would be crazy).
8379008
The King and Jade will not be covered, because the scenario it presents wouldn't make sense in this world of normal magic.
The others you mentioned take place post the conclusion of the Demon Sorcerers arc.
Go Hsi Wu! I'm with 8379008—when Jade turns 18 there's gonna be some... let's say interesting stuff goin' down.
And oh my God...
A freakin' In-N-Out Burger reference? That is amazing.
Chapter One Hundred Forty
"Bad Day"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 39
"He's Not My Boyfriend!"
Clearly Viper has provoked a retort at least once already, and is now doing it again, so I'm giving this chapter a minimum of two. (I've done the off-screen ones before, so why not now?)Unless you have a definite number to give me, 8379011?/
/By Tatsurou's decree, this chapter gets one! (see above comment)
Chapter Count:
21Total Count:
44438379041
The one she was referring to by 'no call' was the one when they were going to get the Armor of the Immortals. You already counted that one.
8379045
I... don't recall how that worked, but you're da boss. Down to one it is.
...Huh.
Are we certain it's not Pinkie Pie who operate this popcorn company?
Okay, that was funny!
Also...
He's holding onto dear life with one arm and having popped goods in the other. I wonder if the statue is holding the popcorn?
8379052
Dimensional Equivalent maybe?
We've got to go back, Marty!
Back... to the Filler!
Huh, well that is quiet the clever little scene you have there. No I'm serious, I could totally buy this being a thing and it opens up possibilities for future appearances as a little running gag.
Once again I must applaud you sir, well done. Also like how Viper has a connection with the filler character, again something I could totally see.
Niche markets are always the best.
8379144 AND I find them to be some of the better restaurants too.
8379131
I'm just imagining Po Kong saying it and the goblin poofs up.
"...Fockin' 'ell, I'm gonna need a bigger tub."
No cookies for Tohru~?
Yes Jackie, yes it is.
I was wondering if we'd see any more non-arc-critical stuff.
The popcorn goblin was the best part of this chapter, by far.
Well, someone has to replace Pinkie, why not a popcorn goblin?
8379067
That and the statue is eating soon popcorn as well since it probably hasn't had anything to watch the past couple of centuries.
Popcorn goblins! Another thing that I never knew I wanted! Good Show!
... I'm wondering how much butter that popcorn has...
8379424
...............good point. I'm clenching in terror from the thought now.
Ok just calling it i can imaging one of Appleblooms potions going wrong and turing jade into a potato that would be funny
8379274
Agreed
Very nice touch
Chapter One Hundred Forty.
"Aiyah!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 47
"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 82
I love the popcorn niche goblin! I hope he shows up more!!!! And Viper needs to tell Vanessa that Doctor Jones and Countess Croft called, they want their gimmicks back.
8379393
I wonder if it's butter than kettle corn? ...because regular, buttered popcorn isn't the best. It's a lot butter than that colored popcorn yet it can't beat kettle corn or popcorn with cinnamon flavoring.
I added the rant to see if you noticed something off.
8379550
Better! It paralyzed Jade. Jade asks for help but instead Hsi joins her on the couch, taking a nap. Audrey III joins the two, changing channels and drowning Jade's struggled pleas. Uncle and the girls return from Wizard Costco where Applebloom rush to check on Jade.
She cures Jade during a Gummy moment (MLP:FiM Episode 💯) and the first thing Jade does when she can move is grab her phone and call Viper.
8379315
It's not as cool as Classic but it's more unique.
I'm the Pop In N Out Corn Goblin, y'all!
...that kinda works...
8379834
... Maybe the popcorn just tastes different based on who's having it. I mean, this is a world where magic is now openly accepted, so who's to say that it's not used here? But for me, It'd have extra butter. Just not a kettle popcorn fan.
The chapter title. Too true.
8379008
"Not my boyfriend!" Sent a few dozen times.
Uncharted 2 reference for the win with Chloe/Viper complaining about the ruins and Nathan/Jackie explaining how it's nice.
So much win!
Catfight snacking
Huh. It seems I was not as successful at binge-watching the entirety of JCA a year ago. I'd better correct that.
Ah, that makes sense. The whole magic being made normal in everyone's minds thing, except in a select few. That's why......that.....was considered tame.
Which just brings up frightening thought:
What's considered kinky?!?!?!
THAT IS RHETORICAL
Oh! We need one of those IRL, popcorn at the right moment all the time, that would be so epic!
Insert obligatory joke about things that need both...
This chapter was hilarious, by the way. I don't think that cheesy line has ever been used in such an ironic way before. The popcorn idea was also quite clever.
8383886
This is what the world needs
It's funny how this was Years before FNaF Security Breach... Yet aside from Vanessa Barone's Bronze eyes, her description is basically Vanessa the Night Security guard to a Tee, right down to the Blond Hair and distinctive english accent.
10858916
Wonder if he apprenticed to Pinke Pie