• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,955 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou

Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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You Better Not Shout

In the days before the Balance, Gods, Wild, and Dark reigned over their own with no interference, lest there be war. But just because a god was Good did not make them good. One god was truly cruel to those he ruled over, and his people suffered...until an old wizard decided enough was enough. He turned his magic to crafting a weapon that could kill a god, and thus free his people. Thus the God Eater was forged.
And history divided.
Had the old wizard struck down the god, the uproar would have led to war between men and gods, and magic - and those who relied upon it - would be forced into hiding as the world purged itself of all that was not mundane, and thus humanity would claim freedom and the destruction of the unguided path. But the wizard chose the path of wisdom.
He went unto the Jade Council and challenged his god to a battle to the death. His god laughed the challenge off, but the Jade Emperor insisted it happen. He found the old wizard amusing. The god, being prideful and arrogant, granted the wizard the first blow.
The arrogant, prideful smirk remained as the head bounced across the floor.
The gods were horrified...but the Jade Emperor took control. He demanded answers from the man, and these were his answers.
He had made the weapon himself.
Only his sons knew how to make more.
They would only make more if he did not return home safely.
The only reward he desired for winning the duel was that whoever took the seat next did not force him to issue another such challenge and stain the blade with more blood.
The Jade Emperor accepted the wisdom, and offered the wizard a special form of immortality in exchange for acting as messenger, carrying weapon and severed head to the councils of Wild and Dark, for the human ability to slay gods was one all needed to discuss together. The wizard accepted.
As he left to deliver the message, he was asked his name.
"I am Sun Wukong"

Valmont lowered the document as he finished reading it. He knew the Jade Council would be coming for him before too much longer. He didn't know if he would have a chance to argue his case, or if he wanted to, but he did want to know how it worked. As such, he'd requisitioned the public records of how the Jade Council became more than just the Jade Emperor and his court, and why the current policies were in place. He only had one day now to finish reviewing them now that they'd arrived...but that was plenty of time. Beyond that, despite numerous attempts he could not reach Bai Tza in the Netherrealm for communication. He was left with little to no desire to continue.

Seeing someone beginning to appear in his office, however, he found he would take some small pleasure. He stood up as Daolong Wong finished materializing. "And what do you want?" he asked calmly, carefully maintaining his human appearance to hide all signs of his demonic nature.

Daolong Wong frowned as he finished appearing. "I attempted to purchase materials and spell ingredients via your network...and was informed I had to meet with you personally to discuss it."

Valmont smirked as he turned side-on to the old wizard. "That is true. That's because I wanted to see your face fall off myself when I told you I would no longer be doing business with you."

Daolong Wong's jaw dropped. "What?" he demanded angrily. "Why?"

"You didn't think your little stunt in Japan would be without consequences, do you?" Valmont demanded crossly.

"What stunt?" Daolong Wong countered. "I was just collecting my fee and defending myself!"

"Two milliliters of Dryadic sap, four milliliters of unicorn water, and a Qi Lin variant adolescent pegasus feather, freshly shed," Valmont stated in a seeming non-sequitur. "How much would you normally be expected to pay for such magical resources?"

Daolong Wong blinked, unsure what Valmont's point was. "Even through your network, they're next to impossible to achieve. Billions would be considered a bargain!"

"So $600 or so and an investment of eight to ten hours of time would be a steal, then?" Valmont offered in dry amusement.

"How could I possibly get such a bargain?" Daolong Wong demanded in shock.

"By offering to take the girls to an amusement park in exchange for some painlessly harvested spell ingredients," Valmont pointed out, amusement dripping from his voice. "$400 covers one adult ticket, one familiar ticket, and four child tickets. $150 for food, game stalls, and souvenirs. $50 for aspirin and antacids. And then on top of the spell ingredients, you would get the pleasure of Uncle's face falling off when his girls tell him that you're fun." He smirked as he watched the wizard's face go slack from shock. "And that is why my business including price negotiations...because you plainly can't be bothered to think of the consequences. And why I will no longer be doing business with you."

Daolong Wong snarled angrily as he gathered his magic. "You seem to forget just who you're dealing wi-" His voice caught in his throat as he clutched at his chest, smoke pouring off his body. "W...what?" he gasped out.

"Oh, it seems you weren't informed yet," Valmont observed dryly. "Good."

Daolong Wong snarled angrily. "Who could you have dealt with to have Light magic traps-"

Daolong Wong's voice faded as Valmont discarded his human form. "You do not speak to a human businessman," he declared calmly, not even an echo to his voice to mark a change. "You speak to the Demon Sorcerer of Light...and you are Persona non Grata as far as my business, services, and associates are concerned...and that includes shielding your location from the authorities that want your head as we have been since your contract was made. I will enjoy watching you squirm as every authority in this magical world hunts you down for your crimes."

Daolong Wong staggered back in shock. "You...you wouldn't..."

"I suggest you start running," Valmont observed coldly. "Right now I'm balancing what credit I would get for my own dealings with the Jade Council by turning you in myself with the entertainment I'll get watching you struggle to survive. The longer you stand there, the more it swings..." He lifted one glowing claw of light.

Daolong Wong quickly teleported away. Valmont resumed his human form. "...that was fun..." He then turned back to the documents.

In the year 1 Before Balance, humanity's greatest hero was known to none, not even the Book of Ages. This is the Story of Old Man Henderson...

Elsewhere, Daolong Wong growled to himself. It seemed he would be unable to get the resources to properly carry out his plan, and he would soon be on the run. He would have to gamble and wing it...but if he succeeded, then none would be able to stop him...

Santa glanced briefly up from his desk, seeing the sun slowly descend towards the horizon. Soon he would be within the real world, and he would have to begin making preparations to deliver gifts. In the meantime, he had three letters he had to look over, each of a very specific classification.

In a world where magic was normal, Santa Claus was less a matter of belief and more a matter of awareness. Some accepted his existence, others refused to believe he could exist, and some actually knew him personally. This led to making a complete new category when it came to letters to Santa. He had those letters from the Naughty, those letters from the Nice...and the Selfless letters. These were the letters sent by those who asked things only for others sake, and not their own.

On top of that, this first letter was from three young ones marked in his files as the True Selfless, ones who had never asked Santa for anything for themselves, only for the sake of others. It was incredibly rare for anyone to stay in that file more than a couple years after they started writing letters...and if it was at all within his power, Santa would do anything to grant the wishes from those. This one was simple and straight forward.

Dear Santa,
How are you doing? We hope you're doing well, and enjoy the cookies and milk we've been leaving out for you. We would continue with how we've been doing...but you already know that, don't you? And Audrey doesn't like it if we waste paper.
We're writing you together because...there's just one thing we'd like this year. There's this man we know, Valmont, and...okay, maybe he's a 'bad guy', but he's not a bad guy, you know what we mean? Anyway, because of some bad stuff that happened, he got separated from his love, Bai Tza. You know her, right? Demon Sorcerer of Water?
Anyway...we were really hoping you could get them back together, and give them a happy ending. They may be demons, but they aren't evil, and love like that deserves a chance. We understand if you can't...but we just had to ask. You're the only one we could ask.
Your Friends,
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.
P.S.: ...did you think Uncle Jackie and Aunt Viper looked awesome in that other timeline, too? We certainly did. But we'll wait to ask about that for next year. This is too important.

He chuckled a bit at the PS. He was surprised they knew he was unaffected by the Book of Ages and thus witnessed the other timeline...though then again, it was entirely possible they didn't think about that part. Setting the letter down, he turned to the next one.

Dear Santa.
I have no illusions about myself. I'm fairly certain I've been on your naughty list since I was eight years old. I don't repent that. I made my life choices, and I stand by them. I rolled the dice of fate, and accepted my outcome.
However, I am rather certain my time is coming short...and there is a promise I will be unable to keep. I promised Bai Tza, the woman I love, that I would reunite her with her daughters, D'gi, A'ri, and S'na. It seems plain I will not be able to do that...so I can only hope you might use your power to fulfill my promise in my stead.
Hopefully yours,

He carefully set the letter down. Even from those who were lifelong Naughty Listers, a Selfless Letter was heeded. And despite his thoughts, Valmont wasn't actually on the Naughty List. Santa didn't judge people by their life choices, he judged them based on how they lived the lives they had chosen. And the fillies were right. Valmont was a bad guy, but not a bad guy. Had he ever written a letter to Santa in his life, he might have been surprised to get a response in the form of a Christmas wish. But it was the third letter, a letter that was a transcribed prayer, that truly left Santa conflicted.

You are the only one who heeds the prayers from this Netherrealm, when all other powers have turned their backs on us. I will not ask for freedom, or to be reunited with my love, as much as I might want that. That must be left in the hands of Fate.
But my daughters...not even the Book of Ages can touch them...so I beg of you, as I have every year...please, keep them safe. And, if at all possible, let them be happy.

The name 'Bai Tza' was appended to the transcribed prayer. As he stared at the three letters, the sun dipped until the edge of it touched the horizon, bringing Santa into the real world as he slowly stabilized to the fullness of his power, when the sun fully set.

An explosion startled him out of his thoughts. "What is it now?" he growled irritably as he looked out the window of his cottage and saw his elves running in terror.

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