• Published 12th Apr 2016
  • 14,952 Views, 12,558 Comments

Three More Things! - Tatsurou



Uncle Chan tries to balance running an antique shop, fighting demons, and being a Chi Wizard with being a loving Uncle to his nephew, his somewhat removed niece...and three little ponies who drive him straight up the wall.

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That's the Statement

As Tiger and Kitten argued back and forth about parenting habits, Jade glanced worriedly in the direction the Monkey King had fled in. "So...should we be worried about your other half?" she asked Sun Wukong.

"Not terribly," he responded easily. "Unlike mortals, when an immortal or divine is split by the Tiger Talisman, their power is halved. It will take him at least a couple of hours to adjust to the lower power as he tries to function at his normal level. If he doesn't notice, he'll hit burnout in an hour and have to rest and recuperate...and he doesn't do patient well."

"So...your plan is to let him wear himself out and then pick him up when he's weak?" Hsi Wu asked curiously as he grabbed a bit of popcorn.

"Well, that will give me a good chance to figure out how to reverse your brother's curse on me so he can be put back in the shadows where he belongs," Sun observed calmly as he munched a kernel. "Ooh, McKettle's got a new recipe."

"Wait a minute!" Tiger interrupted, turning away from Kitten for a moment. "You plan to just lock him away?"

"Well, yes," Sun Wukong allowed in confusion. "A monster like that really shouldn't-"

"And here we go again," Kitten groaned ruefully as he sat down in front of Sun. "Don't you realize that attitude's what created this situation in the first place?"

Sun blinked in confusion. "Weren't you just having a...rather entertaining argument about parenting habits?"

"Oh, we've had that debate off and on since we first split," Tiger explained as he sat down. "We know all the arguments, and know we both have valid points. That's why it's Jackie that makes those decisions, not either of us."

"But the debate's still fun, and it's a good way to get settled into physicality when we're split," Kitten allowed.

"Besides, it entertains the ladies," Tiger teased, giving the feline Viper an affectionate swat on the rump, causing her to let out a pleased yowl followed by a purr as she rubbed against him.

"Okay, I draw the line with that sort of thing in front of the kids!" Kitten and the apron-clad Viper snapped immediately. They glanced at each other in surprise, then smiled.

"I...feel like I'm missing something," Sun observed calmly. "Since when has the power of the Noble Tiger brought such...harmony?"

"Since it let Uncle Jackie confront how he'd been burying all his anger and 'negative' feelings deep inside him since he feared it would make him a 'bad person', only to come to accept that he needed both sides of his being to be complete and accomplish the goals he was trying to stay 'good' for," Sweetie Belle explained calmly.

"Namely, being a good parental role model," Scootaloo added. "He even got a special magical sword out of it." She gestured to where Balance Breaker had apparently relocated itself specifically to make a viable visual aid.

"And the point they were trying to make before they got distracted again is that you're making the same mistake with your other self," Jade pointed out. "Which means we're about to have a discussion as we try to convince you that you need the Monkey King to be whole, and it's probably not going to be pleasant as you'll likely fight us every step of the way-"

Sun's chuckle interrupted Jade. "Young One, I've been around for a very long time, only a short portion of that trapped inside my other self. I know impulsive decisions are not the path to wisdom, and I know I can be wrong. My choice not to at the first major moment is what made me who I am...and this world what it is. Had I given into impulsive hatred and a thirst for vengeance all those years ago, this world would be very different." He gently stroked his staff, and for a brief moment a blade unlike any other was visible within. "I am willing to hear your argument out. It will either be startlingly right or amusingly wrong, and either way I'm trying to buy time until my other self wears himself out...at which point either forceful capture or reasonable discourse will be more viable, so it costs me nothing to hear you all out."

As everyone blinked, Apple Bloom sighed. "Well, here's hopin' yer other side got some o' dat wisdom, too. Either way, this'll be the easy talk."


The Monkey King glanced around in confusion as people ran in panic, screaming in terror. The various monstrosities he had crafted had been hilarious ideas, and the rampage they were unleashing were in battle with various magical law enforcement in a spectacle that would have made Loki's Mask greener with envy. And yet he found no humor. He knew all of this should be funny...but he found nothing to laugh at. Even tying up Hsi Wu hadn't been all that entertaining. He'd laughed more because it was expected, not because he'd found humor.

"But I don't understand!" he complained as he gripped his head. "It was one of my classic gags! Why was it so...dull? Even the nut shot got a laugh from the others even if I didn't! What's wrong with me?" He mussed his hair for a time as he scratched away at his scalp as though he could dig the answer out, his fingertips becoming shovel blades to make it happen easier. "Rrrr! No, it's not me that's wrong! Something's off with the world! There's too much magic, too much craziness...I'm coming off as blase! I need to be...bigger! Brighter! More of a spectacle!" He grinned eagerly as his eyes lit up so brightly the bulbs popped. "I need to be...fantastic!"

He began spinning his staff eagerly. "This is going to need something...unbelievable, undeniable, and unexpected." He began to laugh...but it wasn't amused laughter. It was maniacal laughter, and even as part of himself told him it felt wrong, he couldn't stop. "This world better get ready for a big...surprise!" His laughter echoed as storm clouds gathered, the world itself flinching away from the working he was attempting.

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