Blank Slate is the greatest thief of his generation. He has robbed countless nigh-impossible marks, and his talents as a master of disguise are beyond par - truly, nopony knows who he is.

And now he's preparing the greatest heist in mortal memory: the treasure vaults of the Princesses themselves.

But you have to get up pretty early in the morning to get one past the pony who defines when ‘early in the morning’ is…

Spoilers in the comments! Beware! Beware...

Audio Reading available - thank you ABagOVicodin
Czech Translation available - Thank you Keranis

We all know how this goes, don't we? Some unlucky schmuck goes to a Halloween party or convention dressed up as someone evil, gets sent to Equestria, and then ends up antagonizing the locals.

Well my story goes a bit differently. My name is Isaac Donohue, and after a night of drunken partying that I STILL can't remember, I wake up in Equestria fifteen hundred years before the events of canon with five seemingly random superpowers:

Angelic Physiology, so I'm frickin gorgeous now. Oxygen Independence, so I don't need to breath. Asexual Reproduction, just call me Mister Mommy why don't you...Bubble Breath, something useless that I rarely use. Power Replication, otherwise known as a game breaker.

So anyways I befriended everyone's favorite draconequus Discord, and we made such beautiful chaos together. Well, it was more of me trying to reform him before he got stoned by the Princesses in an effort to change history for the better. What a waste of time that was, and as a result of this I got petrified as well for being his accomplice. Can you believe that?

Since I'm free, I've decided to settle down and rule a kingdom of my own. I'm sure there are enough tyrants in the world that need to be overthrown despite Sunbutt's best efforts. But if there aren't any, I'm pretty sure I can steal the Crystal Empire from Sombra before Shining Armor and Cadence do.

The only problem is, THE LAW WON'T STOP CHASING ME!

A LoHAV story that I'm writing as I go on.

ANNOUNCEMENT 6/4/2017: I'm sorry, but this story is cancelled. This has been a long time coming. As I've progressed as a writer I look back on this story with increasing amounts of disgust. Still, I know people enjoy it for some reason which is why I'm leaving it up for posterity's sake. Maybe I'll completely rewrite it from the ground up in the future, but that time is not now.

Pinkie Pie invites Twilight over to talk about Pinkie's latest batch of cupcakes. But why did Pinkie make the cupcakes? What reason could be behind such a methodical task?

Entry for this competition.

[Featured on EQD 21/4/2014] [Now on TVTropes]

When Luna gifts Twilight the town of Ponyville and its surrounding countryside as her demesne she's initially confused. Then, after double checking her dictionary, more than a little concerned.

All her friends are, legally, her possessions. The town that took her in is her plaything, if she so wishes. She has been given responsibility.

Can Twilight's vision for a modern renaissance outrun the harsh realities of the shadowy figures pulling strings behind the scenes, nobles jockeying for her attention, and an irritatingly metaphorical love triangle?

Special thanks to the insatiable Blue_Paladin42, the incorrigible Maskedferret, the intuitive Southpaw and the indestructible newbiedoodle for all their hard work, past, present and future.

Author Note: This is something new I wanted to try. Contains 10% human, 90% ponies, and 100% fun-filled, cuddlelicious goodness. Not suitable for those allergic to cuddles. Please consult your physician before reading.

A young university student suddenly finds himself thrown from his homework studies into a land filled with more colour than Gears Of War, talking ponies with ridiculously huge eyes, and topped with so many cuddles that it makes Care Bears look like Michael Myers.

And for some reason, all of them come to the conclusion that he must be smothered in cookies and cream-delicious cuddles.

For some, it's heaven; for Jamie, it's his own little plane of hell that makes even Satan feel torment.

Inspired by Forced Pony Cuddles

Yay! Thank you guys so much for getting this fic in the featured box! You all deserve huge amounts of cuddles. And you're gonna enjoy it!

To Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia, it is a simple surprise visit to Canterlot. To the ponies of the Equestrian Civil Service, it is twenty-four hours of chaos, politics, weaponized dessert, politics, underhooved manipulation of media, politics, and things batrachian and tentacular. Who said bureaucracy isn't exciting?

The Alicorn Amulet twists its wearer into madness and megalomania. Nopony can wear it without repercussions, both for themselves and others. Nopony is safe. Nopony is exempt.

Still, nopony expected him.

Too many suitors, not enough Twilight. How can a brilliant genius alicorn pony solve this problem?

Contains shipping. Contains nuts. Contents may have shifted during shipping. Do not take orally, or seriously. Use the included tools to retighten screws a week after assembly. Luna is always watching.

Many thanks to RarityEQM for quality assurance.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash aren't exactly close. After all, they're very different ponies with very little in common. Or so Rainbow Dash thought.

A trip to Canterlot reveals that Rarity isn't exactly the pony that Dash thinks she is.

3rd place winner of The Writeoff Association's December competition, "Behind Closed Doors"

Art by Yoka-the-Changeling, Edited by Exuno

An insane and illogical parody of your favorite ponies.

Are you looking for a story about the magic of friendship or how great it is to be alive? Too bad! What you're getting is a story about a bitter bookworm named Twilight Sparkle who just got booted out of Canterlot and is forced to go to a little backwater town named Ponyville in order to get some sort of social life.

Will she enjoy it? No. Not at all.

Rated Teen for strong language, cartoonish violence, immature humor, and god-awful jokes.
Sex tag is for repeated mentions of sex, sexual activities, and Rainbow Dash. Just...Rainbow Dash in general.

Cover Image by the very talented Wadusher0.

Now on TV Tropes!