• Published 20th Aug 2012
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MLP: FML - Maniac92



An insane parody of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

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One Night at Fluttershy's

“This’ll be so much fun!” said Fluttershy, still carrying Scootaloo. She and the girls were walking through town, making their way to Fluttershy’s cottage. “We can have a tea party or braid each other’s tails or paint each other’s hooves or strip down to our underwear and have a pillow fight…”

“Wait, what?” asked Apple Bloom.

Fluttershy blinked. “Oh, sorry,” she said with a blush, “That’s what I did with my roommates in college. What do you girls want to do?”

“Get our Cutie Marks!” said Apple Bloom.

“Take over Equestria!” shouted Sweetie Belle.

“Vomit…” groaned Scootaloo, flopping her head back so she was looking upside-down.

Apple Bloom walked close to Scootaloo and whispered, “Maybe you could be a little nicer? Fluttershy is letting us have our sleepover at her house. Ah know she made us have a test when she stole those frogs, but she’s not all bad. We might have a good time.”

“Please,” said Scootaloo. “It’s Fluttershy’s house. Do you have any idea how boring that’s going to be? She probably has bubble wrap over everything or pictures of cats everywhere. This night’s gonna suck…”

Fluttershy saw Twilight walking down the street. “Hi Twilight,” she greeted.

“Hi Fluttershy,” said Twilight. She raised her eyebrow at the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Do you have kids?”

“Twilight,” said Apple Bloom, “It’s me! Apple Bloom!”

“Who?” asked Twilight.

Apple Bloom sighed. “Applejack’s sister.”

“Who?” repeated Twilight.

“Rarity’s busy, so she’s having the girls stay at my house tonight,” explained Fluttershy. “What are you up to?”

“I’m headed into the Everfree Forest in order to have tea with Zecora,” explained Twilight.

“…Seems like a bit of a risk to take just for tea,” said Fluttershy.

“Come on,” said Twilight, “Sure there’s monsters and true, I did fall off a cliff that one time, but I’ll be fine.”

“Well…if you say so…” said Fluttershy. She turned to the girls and said, “Come on, let’s head to my house.”

“Oh joy,” droned Scootaloo. “What excitement will await us there?”

A few minutes later:

A tiger roared in Scootaloo’s face. She quickly backed away from the cage and yelled, “Holy shit!”

“Hobbes!” scolded Fluttershy. “That is not how we treat guests! Your sledding privileges have been revoked mister!”

Hobbes mumbled to himself as he backed away from the bars of his cage.

Fluttershy’s frown disappeared as she turned back to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. “Let’s keep moving girls.” She gestured down the path towards her home. Cages of all sizes were littered around the house, each housing a different animal.

“Uh…ok?” said Apple Bloom. “You sure got a lot of animals, Fluttershy.”

“I know!” said Fluttershy happily. “Isn’t it great!” She pointed at several cages and began listing the animals. “There are pandas, grizzlies, lions, ligers, narwhals, Cthulhu, wildcats, orangutans…”

“Why are they all in cages?” asked Sweetie Belle, looking into the Cthulhu cage. A slimy green tentacle slid out of the cage. Sweetie pulled out an autograph book and a pen. The tentacle took the pen and scrawled a signature on the pages of the book.

“I keep the more dangerous animals in cages,” explained Fluttershy. “We wouldn’t want them to go on a rampage through Ponyville, would we?”

“Yes,” answered Sweetie Belle. She closed the autograph book and waved at Cthulhu before catching up with the others.

Scootaloo pointed towards a fenced-off area near the back of the house. “What’s over there, Fluttershy?”

“I’ll show you,” answered Fluttershy. She led the others off the path and towards the fence. “This area houses the rarest animal I’ve ever cared for. Its status is legendary among collectors and they say to own one is to own God himself!”

“Wow!” said Scootaloo. She eagerly climbed the fence and looked inside. “I can’t believe you own…a…” She frowned and took off her sunglasses. She squinted her eyes, trying to make sure she was seeing what she thought she was seeing. “A chicken?”

A chicken with snow-white feathers blinked at Scootaloo and clucked.

“I call her Elizabeak!” said Fluttershy happily.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle climbed up to where Scootaloo was.

“Um…is…is this your ‘rare’ animal?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Yep!” answered Fluttershy.

“But it’s a chicken,” observed Sweetie Belle.

“Yep!” repeated Fluttershy. “I paid a fortune for her. If anything were to happen to her…” Her face turned dark. She picked up a large rock and started squeezing it. Cracks appeared on the rock and it eventually broke into pieces. “I’d kill the bastard…” she growled. Fluttershy quickly shook her head and smiled at the girls. “But never mind that, let’s go inside!” She turned and started walking towards her home.

“She’s my hero…” said Sweetie Belle as she followed the pegasus.

Apple Bloom hopped off the fence and began to follow, but looked back towards Scootaloo. The orange filly was looking at the chicken with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Hey,” called Apple Bloom. “Let’s head inside.”

“Hm?” asked Scootaloo. She turned and looked at Apple Bloom. “Oh yeah, I’m coming.” She put her sunglasses back on and walked past the other filly.

Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow at the triumphant looking smirk on Scootaloo’s face, but decided not to ask. She ran to check up with the others.

Once inside, the Cutie Mark Crusaders looked around at all the playgrounds, cages, and beds for Fluttershy’s smaller animals.

“This place is like a pet store,” said Apple Bloom. She walked over to where Angel Bunny was sleeping and went to poke him.

“No!” said Fluttershy quickly. “Don’t touch Angel, he-”

Apple Bloom poked Angel.

The rabbit’s soulless black eyes shot open. He glared at the filly, who froze in fear.

“Angel…” said Fluttershy quietly. “This is Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. They’re going to be staying here tonight…if that’s ok?”

Angel blinked at Fluttershy. He frowned and sighed. He hopped out of his bed and stomped towards the kitchen. The ponies heard the refrigerator open and slam shut. Angel walked back out, a can of beer in his paws. He hopped back on his bed and opened the beer. He took a swig and looked at Fluttershy. He gave her a dismissive wave of his paw.

Fluttershy’s face broke into a smile. “Thank you, Angel. You’re so nice!”

Angel rolled his eyes and quietly drank his beer.

Fluttershy turned to the girls and asked, “Ok girls, what should we do first?”

A few hours later:

Fluttershy looked at the cards in her hand, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead.

Sweetie Belle chewed her lip, gazing at the others.

Scootaloo was stoic, her eyes hidden behind her sunglasses and a lit cigarette in her mouth.

Apple Bloom was holding her cards upside-down.

“Ah got nothin’,” she complained. She put her cards down. “Just a bunch of arms and legs and some jackass named Exodia.”

“Goddammit...” muttered the others.

“How do you keep winning?” asked Scootaloo. “You don’t even know how to play!”

“You thought we were playing Magic until a few minutes ago!” chimed in Sweetie Belle, looking at Apple Bloom incredulously.

“This is why I usually stick with Pokemon…” muttered Fluttershy.

“If we had played Cards Against Ponymanity like Ah wanted, maybe you’d have a better chance!” said Apple Bloom.

“God, this sucks anyway,” said Scootaloo, throwing down her cards. She glanced out the window. “You know what would be cool?” she asked, gazing at the dark forest outside. “If we went to go check out the Everfree Forest!”

“Absolutely not!” said Fluttershy. “The forest is too dangerous at night.”

“You let Twilight go by herself,” argued Scootaloo.

“Twilight is a grown mare that can look after herself,” said Fluttershy. She glanced at the clock. “And you are three fillies that have stayed up way past their bedtimes. Come on, let’s hit the hay.”

“I’d like to hit something…” muttered Scootaloo as Sweetie and Apple Bloom groaned. The three reluctantly followed Fluttershy upstairs.

Meanwhile:

Twilight yawned as she walked down the path, a bag of tea hovering magically beside her. “I didn’t think Zecora would talk for so long,” she said to herself. She paused and looked up at the moon. “And all in rhyme! I thought she’d mess up for sure when she said ‘orange’, but she…” Twilight paused.

Some bushes were rustling at the side of the path.

“Hello?” asked Twilight. She stepped closer to the bushes. “Is someone there?”

The rustling stopped suddenly.

Twilight stared at the bushes for a moment, before shaking her head. “Come on, Twilight…” she muttered to herself. “It was just an animal or something…no need to get nervous…” She took a step backward, keeping an eye on the bush. She sighed and turned around, ready to head back to Ponyville.

As she turned around, her vision was filled with something bright yellow.

Twilight’s screams broke the silence of the forest, only to be quickly cut off.

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