//------------------------------// // Spike's Fine Feathered Foe // Story: MLP: FML // by Maniac92 //------------------------------// Spike yawned as he opened his eyes and sat up in his basket. He blinked slowly as he heard the birds chirp outside. “Funny,” he said through another yawn, “The birds don’t usually start chirping until 10:00…” He slowly closed his eyes, dozing off. After a moment, Spike’s eyes snapped open. “Wait a second…” he muttered. He quickly glanced at the alarm clock on Twilight’s nightstand. The time read 10 o’clock exactly. Spike quickly hopped out of his basket and ran towards the stairs. “Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit!” he muttered to himself. “I overslept! What will Twilight say? What will Twilight do?!” He shuddered as he sped down the stairs. “I still remember how she reacted to me burning her toast that one time…” That one time: Twilight frowned and put the darkened toast back on the plate. “Spike,” she said, getting the nervous dragon’s attention, “This toast is completely burnt. I want you to write a two hundred page essay in Japanese on how to properly cook toast. I’ll expect it on my desk first thing tomorrow.” “But I don’t know Japanese,” said Spike. Twilight’s horn glowed and several heavy books landed in front of Spike. “Learn,” said Twilight. She turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Spike to his studies. Now: “ああ私をファック,” muttered Spike as he hurried down the stairs. “Twilight!” he called as he ran into the room. “I’m sorry I overslept! Please don’t make me learn another language!” He paused. “Ok, I’m fine with the other language thing, but please don’t make me do homework!” “It’s fine, Spike,” said Twilight as she put a book into her saddlebag. “The new assistant had it covered.” “Oh!” said Spike. He laughed and wiped his forehead. “Whew! Thank god for that guy!” Spike’s chuckles faded as he thought over what Twilight had said. “…Wait, what?” “Our new assistant,” repeated Twilight. “Owlowiscious.” She finished packing her saddlebags and started walking away from Spike. “He’s going to help you with your chores so you won’t be so tired all the time.” “W-wait!” said Spike, running after Twilight. “What do you know about this Owl guy, anyway? What’s his background? Does he have references? Any prior experience? What if he’s on drugs? What if he’s a crazed serial killer? What if-?” Twilight put her hoof to Spike’s mouth, silencing him. “He’s just here to help out a little, ok? It’s not like he’s going to replace you or anything. How about I introduce you to him? You might like him.” Twilight headed down the stairs, gesturing for Spike to follow her. “Replace me?” scoffed Spike with false bravado as he walked down the stairs. “I’m not afraid of that…horrifying possibility. I-I’m just…just worried he won’t fit in here, you know? Not everyone can live in a tree, you know!” “I think he’s had some practice at it, Spike,” said Twilight. The two of them came to the bottom of the stairs and looked around. “There he is,” said Twilight, pointing towards the wall. Spike looked and saw a small brown owl perched on top of Twilight’s desk. The owl hooted softly as the two walked over to him. “Spike,” said Twilight, “Meet Owlowiscious.” “He’s an owl?” asked Spike. “Surprising, right?” said Twilight. “He flew in from an open window last night.” She laughed and said, “I thought he was going to peck out my eyes and blind me for a second.” Her laughter trailed off and she shuffled her hooves for a moment. “…I may have fired a spell or two…or five at him.” Spike looked around the room, seeing scorch marks on the walls. He shook his head and said, “How is an owl supposed to be an assistant?” There was a hoot, causing Twilight and Spike to look over at Owlowiscious, who was setting a book on the desk. “Meteors: Death Rocks from Space,” read Twilight. She smiled at Owlowiscious and said, “This book is exactly what I need today! Thank you Owlowiscious.” “Oh yeah?” asked Spike. “I can do that too!” He ran towards the bookshelf and grabbed the first one he saw. He brought it back to the other two and slammed it on the desk. “100 Ways to Cure Constipation?” read Twilight. She chuckled and pushed the book back towards Spike. “I think I’m good, Spike. Thanks anyway.” She looked at the clock on the wall and said, “I’ve got to get going. Will you two be alright while I’m gone?” Spike opened his mouth to respond, but Owlowiscious hooted, cutting him off. “Great!” said Twilight. She grabbed the book Owlowiscious gave her and headed for the door. “See you two later!” She opened the door and left the library. As soon as the door shut, Spike turned his head and glared at the bird. “Look here, Owl,” he growled. “You may have gotten on Twilight’s good side, but, when she’s gone, I’m in charge.” “Whoo?” hooted Owlowiscious. “Me,” said Spike, pointing to himself. “Whoo?” repeated Owlowiscious. “Me!” repeated Spike, pointing at himself. “Whoo?” hooted Owlowiscious again. “ME!” yelled Spike. “…Whoo?” hooted Owlowiscious. Spike took a deep breath. “Ok…ok…” he said, calming himself down. He looked at the owl and said, “I don’t know if you’re legitimately doing that to piss me off, but you are pissing me off. Please stop.” There was a long silence. “Whoo?” hooted Owlowiscious again. “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!” screamed Spike, diving for the bird. Owlowiscious quickly flew into the air, causing Spike to slam headfirst into the wall. Spike flopped onto the floor, feeling dizzy. He pointed a shaky hand at the owl in the air and said dazedly, “You win this round…” With those final words, Spike closed his eyes and let himself drift off into unconsciousness. Two hours later: Spike’s eyes fluttered open and then immediately crinkled with pain as a splitting headache made itself known. The pain was alleviated slightly by a cool sensation on his forehead. Spike raised his hand and grabbed the object on his forehead. Pulling it off, Spike saw that someone had placed an icepack on his head. Sitting up, Spike was surprised to find that someone had also draped a blanket over him. He looked around, seeing a card with the words Get Well Soon written on it. Spike set the icepack on the floor and grabbed the card. Opening it, he read, Dearest Spike, I feel I must apologize for our dreadful first meeting. Curse the limitations of my native bird tongue, as my responses to your questions only seemed to infuriate you. If I could speak English, perhaps you wouldn’t have sustained the ghastly injury that you received in your anger. It was never my intention to see you get hurt. Perhaps, when I am done helping Miss Twilight and her friends, we could start over? We seemed to have gotten off on the wrong talon, or claw in your case. In order to convince you of my sincerity, I have done my best to make you comfortable in your comatose state. I hope you will give me a second chance. We are both assistants, after all. Your servant, Sir Owlowiscious the Owl III “…That monster,” said Spike furiously. “If he thinks he can win me over by showing genuine concern for my well-being and this thoughtful and eloquently-worded message, then he’s got another thing coming!” “Did someone say ‘coming’?” asked a voice. “Rainbow Dash, must you be so crude?” asked another voice. "Yes," answered the first voice. Spike walked over to the window and looked outside, where Twilight and her friends were standing around. Owlowiscious was perched on Twilight’s back, and the other girls were crowding around him. “Owlowiscious is so cool, Twilight!” said Pinkie. “He’s so funny too! The things he says are a riot!” “Whoo,” hooted Owlowiscious. Pinkie flopped onto her back, laughing uncontrollably. “See what I mean?” she asked through her giggles. “He’s so helpful too,” said Fluttershy. “He helped me build some nests for my birds.” “I could have helped with that, you know,” said Twilight. Fluttershy’s face paled as she looked from Twilight to Rarity. “U-um…t-that’s okay, Twilight. I…um…I didn’t want to bother you…or send Rarity into a crazy depression because your awful nest designs didn’t match up to her high standards or anything.” “That was…awfully specific, dear,” said Rarity. “I didn’t get kicked into an alternate future or anything, if that’s what you were thinking,” said Fluttershy quickly and unconvincingly. “I…wasn’t?” said Rarity, giving Fluttershy a concerned look. She turned her head and smiled at Owlowiscious. “But I agree with Fluttershy. You’ve been such a big help today that I just had to make you a gift!” Her horn glowed and a small, gem-adorned bowtie floated onto Owlowiscious’s body. “There!” said Rarity happily. “Now you and Spike can match! You’ll be Twilight’s two sharply dressed assistants!” “Over his dead body,” growled Spike quietly as he watched from the window. “Man, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash. “It must be cool to have two assistants at your beck and call.” “Ah just hope Spike doesn’t get jealous of all the attention Owlowiscious is gettin’,” said Applejack. “Yeah!” said Pinkie. “Let’s hope he doesn’t go into a crazy jealous rage and try to get rid of Owlowiscious or anything!” “Don’t mind if I do!” said Spike quietly, sneaking away from the window. He headed back up to the bedroom, his mind concocting a plan to get rid of his new, unwanted coworker.