• Published 20th Aug 2012
  • 13,536 Views, 1,710 Comments

MLP: FML - Maniac92

An insane parody of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

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Pinkie's Powers

Twilight sighed as she leaned back in the bathtub, looking clean once more.

“I can’t believe I had to take three baths just to get all that crap off me,” muttered Twilight as she closed her eyes. “And I can’t believe that Pinkie just somehow knows what’s going to happen.”

“Why not?” asked a familiar voice.

“Because it doesn’t make any sen-” Twilight paused and opened her eyes. Pinkie was by the bathtub, staring at her.

“Hi!” greeted Pinkie.

Twilight shrieked and covered herself. “Pinkie! I’m taking a bath!”

“Oh relax,” said Pinkie offhandedly, “We don’t wear anything anyway.”

“Oh yeah…” said Twilight as she calmed down.

“Anywhoo!” began Pinkie. “I bet you’re wondering how my Pinkie Sense works!”

“Not really,” replied Twilight, “I’m more or less denying that it even exists.”

“I’m glad you asked!” continued Pinkie, ignoring Twilight. “You see, I get all these different little feelings that let me know when things are going to happen.”

“Ok,” said Twilight, nodding her head, “So you have a sort of limited precognition. I could believe-”

“And I have this!” said Pinkie. She pulled out a binder that was labeled MLP: FML Script.

Twilight looked at the label. “…What does FML mean?”

“No one knows, it isn’t funny,” answered Pinkie. “With this, I can know what everyone is doing, what problems are going to happen, and what god awful jokes are going to be made.” She flipped the script open. “I even know what you did with your Star Swirl the Bearded portrait last Friday night!” She held the book open for Twilight to see. “There’s even pictures!”

Twilight blushed as she looked at her…private time with the painting. She used her magic to grab the pictures. “Pinkie! Those are private!”

“It’s ok,” said Pinkie consolingly, “I’ve already made copies. We hand them out to everyone who comes to Sugarcube Corner! It makes ponies so happy! They just look at the pictures and laugh for so long!”

Twilight hid her blushing face. “Perfect…”

“Hmm…” said Pinkie, rubbing her shoulder. “My shoulder hurts a little…” She smiled. “You know what that means!”

Twilight stared at her. “Um…no?”

Pinkie stepped forward and put her front hooves in the tub. “Let’s see…” she muttered as she felt around. “Where are you? Is…this you?”

Twilight moaned. “P-Pinkie…” she said with a blush, “Watch where you’re touching!”

“Oops!” said Pinkie, her own face turning red. “Sorry!” She searched around again, before she felt something else. “Aha!” she exclaimed, a grin on her face. “Got you this time!”

She pulled what she had grabbed out of the water. A small green alligator was in her hooves, its purple eyes unfocused and staring in different directions.

Twilight shrieked and hopped out of the tub. “Why is there an alligator in the tub?!”

“He doesn’t like showers,” answered Pinkie. She held the reptile up and said, “This is Gummy! Say hello to Twilight, Gummy!”

The alligator slowly blinked its eyes one at a time. He opened his jaws, and Twilight saw that he had no teeth.

“He likes you!” said Pinkie happily.

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “I guess I had nothing to worry about, huh? He doesn’t even have teeth!”

Pinkie raised her eyebrow. “Of course he has teeth Twilight.” She lifted Gummy up. “Watch what happens when I do this!”

She gave the alligator a squeeze and sharp fangs shot out of his gums. He made snapping motions at Twilight, who froze.

“See?” said Pinkie. “I thought about calling him Toothless at first, but I don’t want to be sued by Dreamworks and-” She looked at Twilight, who hadn’t moved. “Um…are you ok?”

Twilight screamed. Loudly. She took off, crashing through the bathroom door and hurling herself downstairs.

“Twilight, wait!” yelled Pinkie, setting Gummy down. She ran after the unicorn, leaving Gummy all alone.

The tiny alligator’s fangs retracted, leaving him toothless once more. He waddled back to the tub and climbed in, letting out a sigh as he sank into the water.

Outside Sugarcube Corner, Twilight was leaning against a lamppost, getting her breath back.

“Are you alright?” asked Pinkie.

“Shut up,” muttered Twilight. She got off the lamppost and sighed. “Look, I still don’t believe that you have a magic script that tells you everything. And I don’t believe that you can just do the things you do without having magic.”

“‘The things I do’?” repeated Pinkie. “Like what?”

“Like popping up in random places, pulling random things out of God knows where, and shouting up at the sky,” explained Twilight.

“I only do that when Maniac92 makes a terrible joke,” explained Pinkie.


“You know you love me!” shouted Pinkie up to the sky.

“See?” said Twilight. “You did it again!”

She started it!

“He started it!” said Pinkie, pointing at the sky.

Anyway,” continued Twilight, “You either have someone with magic helping you, or…” Twilight paused, the gears in her head turning. She gasped and said excitedly, “Or you have an entirely new type of magic that lets you do all these things!” Her horn glowed and she used her magic to pick Pinkie up and carry her off.

“Twilight?” asked the floating pink pony. “Where are we going?”

“To the library!” said Twilight happily. “I’ve got some studying to do!” She gave Pinkie an unsettling grin. “And you are going to help me!”

“Do…do I have a say in the matter?” asked Pinkie.

“Nope!” answered Twilight happily.

A Few Minutes Later:

Pinkie Pie was strapped to a chair. She was wearing a metal helmet with lights and buttons on it. Her eyes were being held open and she was forced to watch as Twilight walked around taking notes.

“Twilight?” she asked. “What are you doing?”

Twilight plugged something into the helmet, making it light up and beep. A nearby machine was busy writing jagged lines on a roll of paper. “I’m going to see if you use magic to do the things you do, Pinkie,” explained Twilight. “If you do something impossible, this machine will read it and let me know what type of magic you’re using, if any.”

“Ok…” said Pinkie slowly. “…Was it necessary to hold my eyes open?”

“No,” answered Twilight, “But I read it in a book once.” She used her magic to hold a bowl of fruit in front of Pinkie. “Orange?”

“Twilight…is this legal?” asked Pinkie.

Twilight laughed. “Oh Pinkie...” She paused and considered the question. “…Probably not.”

There was a ding from the machine. Twilight ran over and checked the findings. She grabbed the results and started to read them. As she read, a frown appeared on her face and got bigger the longer she kept reading.

“This…this doesn’t make sense!” said Twilight. “According to this, you do have a field of magic around you. But it’s nothing I’ve ever seen before! It’s not unicorn magic, pegasus magic, Alicorn magic, or even earth pony magic!” She threw down the paper in frustration. She sighed and closed her eyes. “Ok…ok...calm down. She may not have any recognizable form of magic, but she does have magic. You just need to study her a little bit longer in order to find out what it actually is.”

Twilight took a deep breath and turned back to Pinkie. “Ok Pinkie! Are you ready for a long and painful series of tests?”

There was no answer.

Twilight opened her eyes and saw that Pinkie had disappeared. “What?!” she yelled. She checked the chair, but none of the straps were broken. “How did she…” Twilight growled and yelled, “SPIKE!”

The door opened and Spike ran into the room. “What? What is it?” he asked.

Twilight’s horn glowed. A nearby cabinet opened, revealing a tranquilizer gun and darts. “Get ready,” growled Twilight. She grabbed the gun and loaded the darts into it. “We’re going to go study.”

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