//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: The King of Angels // by Wheenesss //------------------------------// What happened last night? That was the first thought going through my head as I woke up with one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had. I groaned as I sluggishly tried to get to my feet. My vision was blurry so I couldn’t even see where I was, and my back felt weird. There was the familiar sound of birds tweeting in my ears and the feeling of grass underneath my bare feet. Did someone steal my shoes? Was I in someone’s backyard or something? The last thing I remembered was going to a party with a few friends of mine, and then nothing… Okay, so I got drunk and now have a hangover. As my sight cleared up, the sensation in my back intensified. I blinked as I noticed my surroundings “How did I end up in a forest?” I asked, hoping someone else was there with me. Panic set in when there was no reply. I started runni- *THWACK!* “GODDAMNIT!” I screamed as I fell face-first into the ground. Ugh… I swear I heard a crack that time. As I stood up again, I finally figured out why my back felt so weird. It had fucking WINGS on it! Honest-to-god feathery wings! They were good-looking too! Like the kind you’d see on birds selectively bred for generations. Plus they were glowing! Did a mad scientist experiment on me while I was asleep or something?! Then I noticed something else that had changed about my body. I was THIN! I’m going to be honest with you for a moment. I was pretty overweight before I came to this place, but I wasn’t Mississippi fat. Now I looked like my brother, who could eat whatever he wanted and seemingly not gain a pound. I reached up to my face to check that out as well. Thankfully my wonderfully scruffy beard was the same. However I noticed that my skin was much smoother. My zits had been removed as well? Okay, calm down Isaac. You can marvel at your sexy new body later. The most important thing right now is to figure out where I am and how to get home. “And the best way to start is to walk around.” I mused, finishing my inner monologue aloud. With that, I steadily made my way through this forest I found myself in. My sense of balance was thrown off by the weight loss and new pair of wings, but hopefully I would adjust quickly. (1,500 years later…) You know what sucks about being imprisoned in stone? Everything. You can’t move at all, but you can see and hear everything that’s going on around you. Plus when the stupid ponies that are moving you accidentally drop you, it hurts like a bitch. I’m not going to mention the bird shit that seeps falls through the holes in the ceiling, because WHEN I get out of this hellhole they’ll be extinct by the time I’m done with them. So it turns out I had more up my sleeve than just having wings, and I used all my new abilities to great effect. Well most of them, I didn't see the any point to being able to breath bubbles. To elaborate, I somehow ended up in Equestria a millennium and a half before canon. Once my fangasm wore off, I decided to try and change history for the better. Guess how that turned out? As I continued my rant in the basement of the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters (apparently I wasn't important enough to move to Canterlot Castle) , a familiar chaotic aura permeated the air. One that was affiliated with a certain troublemaker... "Oh come now Isaac, you know you love me!" Then out of nowhere as always, he appeared. Discord, the bane of my existence. He was floating in midair with a self-satisfied grin on his face. "You always were a drama queen, weren't you?" he said, bringing a glass of chocolate milk into existence. The reason I'm being such a "drama queen" is because you got us imprisoned in stone, you ass! He tutted as if disappointed with me and replied "Now what did those poor donkeys do to you, Isaac?" Just go away and let me sulk goddamnit! I roared mentally "Is that anyway to greet me after I came all this way to free you?" Discord said with a small pout. You do realize there's no point to it? Even if you do free me, there's no way Celestia and whoever she's roped into wielding the Elements will let us stay that way. At least until Season 3 that is... "Ah, but that's why I have a plan my old chum!" the draconequus answered, a grin returning to his face. Oh and what prey tell is that plan? Here it comes... "To wing it and see what happens of course." You do realize that there's a time for unpredictability and a time for ruthless strategy, right? "Of course, but this is the fun way!" I sighed mentally I wish you'd be more sensible. In a flash, we were eye to eye. "Ah, but were's the fun in making sense?" Discord said, that familiar malicious glint in his eye. He laid a claw onto my statue and started pumping energy into it. As I felt my prison weakening, I decided that I could use a quick walk around before being put back in the slammer. Come on... I started pushing, and cracks appeared along the surface. To be honest, I've been thinking about what I wanted to do once I got free, and I had a few ideas in storage. In a small explosion of light and stone, I was free! "FUCK!" and I was stiffer than a teenage boy in the girl's locker room. There was a crick in my wings that was so bad. As I began to stretch on my pedestal, cracking my joints to relieve centuries of being stuck in the same position, Discord started talking again. "Tell you what! While you regain you strength and do that inner monologue thing you do, I'll be taking care of our little Element problem. Tata!" On that note he was gone. I knew what he'd do, he would manipulate the Elements into acting against their virtues. Except for Fluttershy, he just cheated when it came to her. Twilight would lose hope, Celestia would send back all her friendship letters at the most convenient point, etc... The point is that it would end with us back in stone by the end of the day. But does it really have to be that way? My previous attempts at altering the course of history had all failed. I got dragged into causing chaos with Discord instead of reforming him, I had no idea when Sombra had come to power so that was a moot point, and I was obviously stoned by that point so I couldn't prevent Luna from becoming Nightmare Moon. So what was the point? Meh, at least if I try I'll know for sure. I shrugged and dusted off my clothes. I forgot to mention those didn't I? Well, when I woke up in Equestria I was wearing a grey t-shirt, blue jeans, and my sneakers had disappeared. My attire hadn't changed all that much except for the additions of a brown hoodie and a pair of black sandals. The t-shirt and hoodie obviously had holes in them for my wings, but it was still hard to put them on. With a snap of my fingers, I was just outside the ancient castle in the middle of the Everfree Forest. Even from here I could see the effects of my friend's rampage. Floating buildings, the day-night cycle happening at random, the chocolate rain. In that moment I had a choice. Do I watch and/or partake in Discord's fun? Which would end with me being petrified. OR Do I just walk away now, and prep for when Sunbutt finds me so I could try to talk her out of stoning me again? At best, I'd be her own personal chaos monkey until she decides to have Fluttershy reform Discord. At worst, she has the Mane Six blast me without even listening to a word I had to say. It's not like she wouldn't be justified, we had done some pretty insane stuff... The choice was clear, or at least I thought it was. "Sorry Dissy," I began with a grin, a plan of action already forming in my head. "But I don't plan on getting stuck as a statue again anytime soon, even if it would only be for a year at the most..." I walked away with a new resolve and goal in my mind. I always wondered what it would be like to rule my own country...