MLP: FML

by Maniac92


The Test of the Party Race

“I’m honored that you girls walked all the way to the library in order to hear how I got my Cutie Mark!” said Twilight as she stood in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Uh…that’s great and all, Twilight…” said Apple Bloom. “But…you kinda kidnapped us and brought us here.”

“Can you untie us, by the way?” asked Scootaloo, gesturing at the ropes that kept the three fillies tied together and motionless.

“Nope!” said Twilight happily. “My story begins years ago at the Summer Sun Celebration in Canterlot…”

Years ago:

“This is so boring,” huffed Twilight as she walked with her parents. She looked around at all the carnival rides and booths that had been set up. “I can clearly see dozens of safety hazards. Why couldn’t we just stay home?”

“Because, Twilight,” said her mother, Twilight Velvet, “We need to honor Princess Celestia as she raises the sun.”

“Doesn’t she do that every day?” asked Twilight. “What makes today so special?”

“Don’t question it,” said Velvet. “And don’t slouch while you walk.”

“Oh, relax,” said Twilight’s father, Night Light, “This is supposed to be fun. Here, Twilight,” he handed her some cotton candy.

“No sugar!” said Velvet, grabbing the treat and throwing it behind her. “I’ve spent years planning the perfect diet for our children and I won’t let you ruin it with cotton candy of all things!”

“Speaking of kids,” said Night Light, looking around, “Where did Shining go?”

“He went off to go look at the Royal Guard’s booth. I think he wants to enlist,” said Velvet. She shook her head. “That boy…I keep telling him to go look at colleges. How’s he supposed to be successful in life if he doesn’t follow my carefully made plans?”

“Maybe you should relax,” suggested Night Light. “Shining and Twilight can be whatever they want to be.”

“Of course they can,” agreed Velvet. “…As long as I approve of their choices.”

The family made their way over to a stage in the middle of the fair. A group of Royal Guards were on stage, horns set up in front of them. They blew the horns, getting everyone’s attention.

Twilight and her parents watched as Princess Celestia walked on stage. “Seriously, guys,” she whispered to the guards, “I raise the sun every day. Do we really need to make today a celebration?”

The guards shrugged in response.

Celestia sighed and closed her eyes. She walked to the end of the stage as her horn glowed with a golden light. She took off into the air, her horn glowing brighter and brighter. The sun rose into the sky behind her, casting a bright glow over the fair.

Twilight watched in awe as Princess Celestia landed back on stage.

Celestia opened her eyes and stared out into the crowd. For one brief moment, her eyes locked onto Twilight’s. Twilight wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw the Princess’s eyes widen.

Now:

“What happened then?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Nothing,” said Twilight. “The Princess walked off the stage without talking to anyone.” She frowned slightly. “It was a little weird…she usually loves the attention. Seeing her walk off in silence was strange.”

“So how did you end up getting your Cutie Mark?” asked Scootaloo.

“Well, about a week after the Celebration, flyers started to appear all over Canterlot,” explained Twilight. “The Princess’s School for Gifted Unicorns was going to interview young ponies to find new students. My parents decided that I should enroll.”

Years ago:

“Here’s some more books for you to study, Twilight,” said Velvet as she set a stack of thick books down on the table.

“Wow…uh…” said Twilight, grabbing one of the books and reading the title. “Advanced Magic Theory? Isn’t this a little much for an entrance exam?”

“There’s never too much knowledge, Twilight,” said Velvet. “You need to be the smartest pony Princess Celestia’s ever seen! How else am I going to brag to your grandmother that I’m a much more nurturing mother than she ever was?”

“Um…” began Twilight.

“I mean,” continued Velvet, ignoring her daughter, “If she had maybe helped a little instead of just let me do it on my own, maybe I could have enrolled at Princess Celestia’s school. But no! I had to learn things all by myself! And where did that get me, Twilight?”

“Um…with a loving family and a decent job?” suggested Twilight.

“You’re right! Nowhere!” said Velvet. “Now…” She pushed the stack of books towards Twilight. “I want you to study as hard as you can so you can make my…I mean, your dreams come true!”

Now:

“This explains so much about you,” said Scootaloo.

“It does?” asked Twilight. “How?”

“Never mind,” said Apple Bloom, cutting Scootaloo’s response off. “What happened next?”

“I studied for days,” said Twilight, “Finally, my parents and I went to the school and met with the professors who were presiding over the entrance exams.”

Years ago:

“Now remember,” whispered Velvet, “Be sure to smile. Be calm. And above all else, don’t mess up!”

Twilight gulped as she looked up at the ponies watching her. The professors held clipboards in their hooves and were gazing impatiently at Twilight.

“Hey,” whispered Night Light. “Just relax, ok? You’ve prepared for this. Just do your best and you’ll be fine.”

“Don’t tell her that!” argued Velvet. “What if she’s not fine? What if she messes up?! What if a comet crashes through the ceiling and crushes her as she’s about to pass? Will her best be enough for that?!”

“Dear, I love you,” said Night Light, turning to his wife, “But, seriously? Chill the fuck out.” He turned and smiled encouragingly at Twilight. “Go on. They’re waiting for you.”

Twilight shakily nodded her head and walked to the front of the room.’

“Twilight Sparkle?” asked one of the professors.

“Present!” said Twilight, raising her hoof.

“Speaking out of turn,” muttered the professor, writing something on her clipboard. She cleared his throat and shouted, “Bring in the test!”

Another pony wheeled a cart into the room. On the cart was a bed of straw, which held a large purple egg.

“Your task,” continued the professor, “Is to make the egg hatch by using your magic.”

“What?!” gasped Velvet. “When I took this test, we just had to transform an object into something else.”

“Ah…yes…” said the professor, her eyes darting around. “Our curriculum has changed a bit…”

“This looks like a dragon egg,” said Twilight, poking the egg with her hoof. “My books said these types of eggs have a natural resistance to magic.”

“True,” nodded the professor, “But that resistance fades the longer the egg remains unhatched. This particular egg has been here for a few years, so its resistance should have faded by now.” The professor raised her clipboard and gestured for Twilight to continue.

Twilight gulped and pointed her horn at the egg. She concentrated, but her horn only shot out sparks.

“We don’t have all day you know,” said the professor. “We’re very busy.”

“She’s been going for like, five seconds,” said Night Light. “Give her a little time.”

“Sorry, are you a professor?” asked the professor. “No? Then shut up. I’ve got a degree, so that means I know everything and I’m never wrong about anything.”

“Oh god…oh god… oh god…” muttered Velvet. She wrapped her hooves around Night Light’s neck and squeezed. “She’s choking! She’s choking!”

She’s choking?!” gasped Night Light, trying to pry his wife’s hooves off his neck.

After a few moments of concentration, Twilight stopped and started breathing heavy. “I…I can’t do it…” she muttered. She turned to the professors and said, “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“I’ll say,” said the professor. “As a professor, my time is very valuable. I can’t just deal with talentless unicorns all day. I-”

There was a loud explosion that shook the room. Twilight jumped and her horn glowed bright. A beam of magic shot out and hit the egg, which cracked.

A small purple claw burst out of the egg. The egg shattered completely, revealing a small purple dragon. The dragon yawned and itched its hindquarters.

Twilight suddenly screamed and her eyes glowed white. Her horn shined brightly and an explosion of magic burst out of it. Twilight was surrounded by a large purple aura, which levitated her in the air and shot beams of magic around the room.

One of the beams struck the professor in the mouth. Her mouth simply disappeared from her face, leaving her to mumble.

Another beam struck Twilight Velvet. Ice formed around her body, freezing her in place.

Another beam struck the baby dragon. It suddenly grew to massive size, its head bursting out of the classroom’s ceiling.

Princess Celestia was walking to the classroom. “Well that particular problem is taken care of. Now, I wonder how the tests are going...” she said to herself. She looked up and saw the dragon’s head staring back at her. “…Well shit,” she said. She quickly ran for the classroom.

Celestia came into the room and saw Twilight hovering in the air and twitching as arcs of magic shot through the air around her. The princess walked up to Twilight and slapped her upside the head. “Knock it off,” Celestia ordered.

Twilight blinked and the magic around her disappeared. She dropped to the floor, her eyes going back to their original color. “Princess?” she mumbled.

The effects of Twilight’s magic faded, causing the professor’s mouth to reappear, the ice around Twilight Velvet to melt, and the baby dragon to shrink back to his normal size.

“I-I’m so sorry…” said Twilight, looking around at the devastation around the room. “I didn’t mean-”

“You passed!” said Celestia.

“…What?” asked Twilight.

“What?!” asked the professor and Twilight’s parents.

“Whaaaat?” repeated the baby dragon. He giggled and started wagging his tail.

“I’ve never seen a pony with such raw talent,” said Celestia.

“What about that Suns-” began one of the professors.

NEVER SEEN A PONY WITH SUCH RAW TALENT,” repeated Celestia forcefully. She turned and smiled at Twilight. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to help you learn how to control your talents.”

“…What?” asked Twilight.

“I want to make you my own personal student here at the academy,” said Celestia. “If you want to, that is.”

“SHE WANTS TO!” yelled Velvet, whose teeth were chattering.

“Great!” said Celestia. She frowned and pointed at Twilight’s side. “You’ve got something on your butt, by the way.”

Twilight looked and saw a pink star-shaped mark on her flank. “My Cutie Mark!” she said excitedly.

“Holy shit, we’re still calling those that?” asked Celestia. “I wanted to change it to Magic Butt Tattoos years ago.”

Now:

“And then what happened?” asked Sweetie Belle.

“Well, after Celestia let us take Spike home with us, I began studying for all the subjects I would take in the academy,” Twilight said. She turned around and continued, “I decided to start with the History of Equestria. Chapter one was about-”

“Oh god, we’re learning,” moaned Scootaloo. She wiggled around and produced a switchblade out of her jacket pocket. She cut the ropes, freeing the other two. “Come on, let’s get out of here before she gives us a pop quiz.”

The three fillies quickly snuck out of the library, reached the wagon, and rolled away, leaving Twilight to ramble to herself.

“Now we can find Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo excitedly as they moved through town.

“Or you can talk to me!” said a cheery voice.

Scootaloo quickly braked and looked behind her. Pinkie was sitting in the wagon and grinning.

“Hi!” Pinkie said with a wave.

Scootaloo screamed and ran way, leaving Pinkie alone with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. “NO MORE BALLOONS! NO MORE BALLOONS!” she yelled as she ran.

“…What the hell did you do to her?” asked Apple Bloom.

“I may have tested whether or not balloons were able to lift a pony into the air in order to escape from a dragon,” explained Pinkie. “Turns out, they were! I’m a genius!”

“And…Scootaloo comes into this…how?” asked Sweetie.

“I used her to test it!” said Pinkie happily. She paused for a second. “…I probably should have asked permission first, but I’m sure she’ll get over it.”

“NOT FUCKING LIKELY!” screamed Scootaloo as she attempted to hide under a nearby table.

“…Eventually,” added Pinkie. She smiled and said, “But enough about that! Story time!”

Years ago:

Grey clouds were in the sky as a young pink filly rolled a small rock into a pile of more small rocks.

“Pinkamena?” asked a grey mare with glasses. “Have you seen Maud anywhere?”

“No, Mother,” said the pink filly quietly.

“I’m sure she’s just out gettin' rocks somewhere,” said an older-looking tan stallion. He raised an eyebrow at Pinkamena’s small pile. “You ought to follow her example, Pinkamena. Limestone and Marble have twice that many rocks in their pile.”

“…They also have twice as many ponies,” muttered Pinkamena.

“What was that?” asked the stallion.

The pink filly sighed. “Nothing, Father. It was nothing.” She gazed at the ground sadly.

The grey mare looked at the filly’s downcast expression. “Igneous…” she whispered to her husband.

Igneous sighed. “…It doesn’t matter, Pinkamena. Come inside and wash up for dinner.”

Pinkamena watched as her parents and sisters walked back toward their house. She sighed and flopped onto her back, looking up at the grey sky.

“…It’s so boring here,” she muttered sadly. She sighed and closed her eyes. “I wish something would happen…something crazy and fun...I don’t care what it is…”

There was a loud rumble and Pinkamena opened her eyes. A rainbow-colored explosion burst in the sky, sending waves of color blowing past. A huge gust of wind blew, blowing Pinkamena’s mane back.

“I take it back!” yelled Pinkamena, throwing herself to the ground as the wind roared. “I want things bleak and dull again!”

The wind stopped. Pinkamena, her mane now poofy and curly, looked up and saw a rainbow hanging in the blue sky. “Wow…” she muttered, a large smile growing on her face.

There was a bright flash of light right behind her. Pinkamena spun around, her eyes growing wide at what she was seeing.

Now:

“What did you see?!” asked Apple Bloom excitedly.

“…Hmm?” asked Pinkie. She looked at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle like she forgot they were there. “Oh! Nothing!” she laughed nervously. “I just started rambling a little bit…”

“But you were just-” began Sweetie.

Pinkie clapped her hooves together, cutting Sweetie off. “Ok! Where was I?” She thought for a moment. “Oh yeah! So I saw my first rainbow and I decided to celebrate it with my whole family…”

Years Ago:

Pinkamena was standing on a table, grinning wildly as music played. Her family was huddled in a corner, looking terrified.

Pinkamena grabbed a can of whipped cream and sprayed it in her mouth. “WITNESS ME!” she screamed, throwing the can behind her. She jumped off the table towards her family, who screamed in terror.

The door opened and a filly with a diamond-shaped rock as a Cutie Mark walked inside the house. “Pinkamena?” she asked, seeing the crazed-looking filly. “What are you doing?”

“Maud!” said Pinkamena, rushing up to give her sister a hug. “I saw a rainbow! And something else that I’m not supposed to talk about and can only give vague hints about! AND I’M THROWING A PARTY!” She pointed at Maud’s side and said, “Nice Cutie Mark, by the way.”

“Thanks,” said Maud. She pointed at Pinkamena’s side. “I like yours too.”

Pinkamena blinked and looked down at her flank, where three balloons had appeared. Her grin grew wider and she hugged Maud tightly. “I saw a rainbow and I got my Cutie Mark?! This is the best day EVER!”

“I’m happy for you, Pinkamena,” said Maud, patting her sister’s back.

“Oh!” said Pinkamena, pulling away from the hug. “I want to be called Pinkie now. Is that ok with you?”

“Pinkie…” repeated Maud. She gave her sister a small smile and said, “I like it.”

Now:

“And that’s how I became the party animal you know today,” finished Pinkie.

“Huh…” said Sweetie Belle. “But why did you come to Ponyville?”

“My parents kicked me out!” said Pinkie happily. “I think that party was a little too much for them…”

“I know the feeling…” muttered Scootaloo, from her hiding spot underneath the table. She looked at the other two fillies and said, “Can we please go see Rainbow Dash now?!”

“Rainbow Dash?” asked Pinkie. “I can take you to where she is!” She ran over and grabbed Scootaloo. “Let’s go!”

“NOOOOO!” screamed Scootaloo as Pinkie carried her off.

A few minutes later:

Pinkie set Scootaloo down in front of Sugarcube Corner. “Rainbow usually comes here after her mid-morning nap,” she explained. “She likes to get a snack before her late-morning nap so she doesn’t have to eat before her nap at noon.”

“Great…fantastic…” said Scootaloo. “Um…I’m just going to wait out here for Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. You can go in without me.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” asked Pinkie, an amused grin on her face.

“Yes,” answered Scootaloo.

“…I’ll give you points for honesty,” said Pinkie. She turned and walked into Sugarcube Corner.

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom walked up to Scootaloo, pulling the scooter and wagon behind them. “Rainbow Dash is at Sugarcube Corner?” asked Sweetie.

“Where were you two?!” asked Scootaloo. “I basically got kidnapped by Pinkie!”

“It looked like you were handlin’ it,” said Apple Bloom with a shrug.

“I was screaming for help!” yelled Scootaloo.

“Girls, can we just go talk to Rainbow Dash?” said Sweetie, cutting off Apple Bloom’s response. “Please?”

“Fine,” muttered the other two fillies.

They all walked inside Sugarcube Corner and spotted Pinkie, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and-

“Rainbow Dash!” said Scootaloo excitedly.

“Hey…you…” said Rainbow hesitantly. She leaned over and whispered to Applejack, “Who is that, again?”

“Scootaloo, you idiot,” answered Applejack.

“Ah, right!” said Rainbow. “Good to see you, Scootaloo You Idiot!”

“She said my name!” squealed Scootaloo excitedly. She cleared her throat and said, “I…we want to hear about your Cutie Mark story.”

“You…actually want to hear me talk about myself?” asked Rainbow. “I can tell you all about myself and you won’t get mad?”

“Yes!” said Scootaloo.

“Mm-hmm,” agreed Sweetie Belle.

“Whatever gets this over with faster,” mumbled Apple Bloom.

Rainbow’s lower lip quivered and her eyes watered. “I…I need a second…” she said shakily. She turned around, sniffling.

“Are…are you crying?” asked Twilight.

“No!” sobbed Rainbow. “Just…just some deep breathing exercises before I start talking!”

“I didn’t know deep breathing exercises were so emotional,” said Pinkie.

“Apple Bloom?” asked Applejack quietly. “Are you angry at Rainbow Dash?”

“Yes!” whispered Apple Bloom. “Scootaloo thinks Rainbow’s better than you, but she’s nothin’ but a cheater!”

Before Applejack could respond, Rainbow Dash turned back around to face the fillies. “So there I was! Racing through the clouds at Flight Camp…”

“Knocking Fluttershy off the clouds,” added Fluttershy.

“Jesus, I said I was sorry, ok?” said Rainbow. “Get over it, already…”

Years Ago:

Rainbow Dash blazed through the sky, Hoops and Dumbbell right behind her. The soared through rings of made of cloud as they headed toward the finish line.

“This is it!” said Rainbow Dash. “If I just keep up this pace, I’ll be sure to win!”

Hoops slammed into Rainbow’s side, knocking her off course. “Later, Rainbow Crash!”

“That name will never get old!” said Dumbbell, as he and Hoops flew past.

“It will never get old!” repeated Hoops.

“That name’s getting old, fast,” said Rainbow, chasing after them.

The three ponies dove towards the ground. The next cloud ring was almost touching the forest floor below.

Rainbow picked up speed and was neck and neck with Hoops and Dumbbell. The rushing wind made her eyes water as she kept going faster and faster. As she moved past the two colts, she felt like she was pushing against a barrier. She cracked open her eyes and saw that she was about to hit the ring. She flapped her wings faster and, just as she hit the ring, she broke through the barrier, causing a rainbow-colored explosion.

Hoops and Dumbbell froze as they watched the explosion happen.

“…Want to pretend this never happened?” asked Dumbbell.

“Sure,” agreed Hoops. “It’s not like she’s ever going to do this again, right?”

“Right!” said Dumbbell.

As Rainbow tore through the finish line, a bright light appeared on her flank. When it faded, an image of a cloud with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt could be seen.

Now:

“And that is how I got my Cutie Mark,” said Rainbow Dash. “I bet my Sonic Rainboom was seen all across Equestria!”

“I didn’t see it,” said Fluttershy.

“I didn’t either,” said Rarity.

“Nope,” said Applejack.

“Sorry,” said Twilight, “But, to be fair, I was busy freezing my mother and making Spike huge.”

“I saw it!” said Pinkie. “I win!”

“You mean only Pinkie saw my Rainboom?” asked Rainbow Dash. “No one else knew about it?!”

“…Ah mean,” began Applejack, “Why else would we have been confused when you started talkin’ about it before the Young Flier’s Competition?”

“Oh yeah…” said Rainbow. “I guess that makes sense.” She sighed and looked at the ground. “I guess I should be happy that at least Pinkie saw it.”

“It’s fine, Sugarcube,” said Applejack, patting Rainbow’s back. “So we didn’t see ya do it the first time, we still believed ya when you told us about it. Plus we saw you do it again at the competition.”

“I guess that’s true,” said Rainbow, raising her head to look at Applejack. She smiled. “Thanks for that. You’re a good friend.”

“You too,” said Applejack.

Apple Bloom looked at the two ponies and sighed. She turned to Scootaloo and said, “Ah’m sorry for how Ah acted today, Scootaloo. Rainbow’s a good pony…even if she does use her wings when she ain’t supposed to.”

“…I’m sorry too,” said Scootaloo. “Applejack’s pretty cool.” She thought for a moment and added, “Not as cool as Rainbow Dash, but still pretty cool. Cooler than Rarity, at least.”

Apple Bloom laughed. “Yeah, like that’s hard to do. Twilight’s cooler than Rarity.”

Sweetie Belle glared at the other two fillies. “…What did you little bitches just say about my sister?” she growled. With a blood-thirsty roar, she dived at the other two.