(3rd Person's POV)
"How are they Doctor Helix?" Princess Celestia asked the unicorn stallion in a lab coat across from her, standing in the room just outside the one her faithful student and friends were in.
"We're lucky we got them here when we did, your Highness. They were so severely drained of energy that I can't say they would have survived without any medical attention. We had to have all the unicorns on staff give them magic infusions non stop for five hours. I''m surprised they're even awake right now." he replied honestly.
"Alicorns recover from illness and injury faster than normal ponies, but I imagine they will feel exhausted for the next week or so regardless." she answered.
"Your Majesty, do you know how this could have happened? This case is nothing like when Princess Cadence ascended, is it?"
The sun princess sighed. "No, it isn't. The being that did this to them has the power to change other living things into whatever he wants them to be through the use of magic flames. However the transformation itself is powered by the victim's own energy, and I've seen more than a few die in the middle of the process due to the drain."
"If that's the case, then why aren't they dead? Thank you they're not, but I imagine becoming an Alicorn requires at a lot more energy than they have."
"That's what I hope to fin-"
"WHY THE HAY ARE WE ALL ALICORNS?!" a familiar voice screamed. Doctor Helix held his hooves over his ears in pain, and even Celestia looked startled by the sudden outburst.
"I believe your student is awake, your Highness." he winced as he said this.
"Y-Yes." she took a second to compose herself "Shall we go see her."
The stallion simply nodded, and the two of them went inside. Surprisingly, the scene before them wasn't as bad as it could have been.
Twilight was hyperventilating at a dangerous rate. Spike was nearby trying to calm her down. Rainbow Dash looked absolutely miserable. Pinkie Pie was being herself. Rarity had a smile on her face that was so large it looked more appropriate on the pink mare next to her. Fluttershy also looked like she was having a panic attack, but to a thankfully less drastic extent than Twilight. Applejack was calming her down with more success than Spike was having.
Celestia cleared her throat, immediately gaining their attention
"I'm glad to see you're alright after your encounter with Isaac, my little ponies." she said.
"Princess Celestia! H-How did he do this to us?!" Twilight asked.
"As I was explaining to Doctor Helix, Isaac's flames have the power to transform his victims into whatever he wants. The transformation itself feeds on the victim's energy. How he was able to transform you alicorns however, I'm unsure... The energy required for just one of you to ascend is well beyond what all six of you have combined."
"Princess Celestia, what if this Isaac character added some of his own energy to ensure their survival?" the doctor asked.
"I thought of that, but it doesn't make sense. Why would he give six of his enemies a power increase such as this?"
"Um.. Your Highness?" Fluttershy asked.
"Yes?"
The timid pegasus squeaked at having the entire room looking at her, but continued on.
"Well, he said he didn't want to do anything bad anymore so he wouldn't have to go back to being a statue. He even said he'd do community service."
"I still think that's a load of horseapples..." Rainbow grumbled.
"Community service?" Celestia asked, an eyebrow raised
"Yeah! He said the usual boring stuff like picking up trash and cleaning up graffiti. Then he said stuff like overthrowing tyrants and curing diseases." Pinkie answered.
The sun princess's eyes widened at that last sentence.
"Then we have no time to lose, we have to capture him before it's too late." she declared resolutely.
"Your Highness? Not that I'm objecting to that, but what if he's tellin' the truth?" Applejack asked.
"Even if he is Applejack, Isaac has been a statue for over one thousand years. That can't have been good for what little sanity he had before. Discord hinted at being aware of his surroundings during his time imprisoned, so I'm sure the same is true for him. Without even realizing it he might hurt whoever he intends to help. Once he is captured and we can ascertain his whether or not he actually means to change, he'll either be re-imprisoned or he'll have to undergo therapy."
"Your Highness, after that's all and done with. Do you think, we could convince him to change us back?" Rainbow asked.
Rarity gasped "Rainbow Dash! Why ever would you want to go back to being a normal pony? We're ALICORNS! We have immortality, the magic of all three tribes, and we're Princesses!"
Then something seemed to occur to her. She turned to Celestia "Are we Princesses, Your Highness?"
"I'm honestly not sure." the elder alicorn admitted. "When a normal pony becomes an Alicorn, it's usually after proving their worthiness of the transformation, and by-extension the right to rule. The energy for the ascension comes from a source that even I'm unaware of. You remember the coronation of Princess Cadence, correct?" everypony nodded. ",However due to the fact that this transformation was given to you and not earned, I agree with Rainbow Dash. Once Isaac has been captured, we'll have him restore you to your proper forms."
Rarity groaned, causing the sun princess to chuckle.
"It'll be alright, my little pony. Besides the life of an immortal is not an easy one." a weary look appeared on her face. "You have to watch as your loved ones grow old and die while you remain forever young. Ponies constantly look to you for guidance simply because you have the most experience, and put countless pressures on you.."
A depressing silence went over the room as the all contemplated this information.
"On a less somber note, I'm surprised to learn you were the first one to realize this Rainbow Dash."
The cyan mare had the decency to look sheepish.
"Actually, that wasn't why I wanted to go back. It's because I wouldn't be able to join the Wonderbolts if I spent all day doing all of that boring political stuff, no offense."
"None taken."
"Wait, Rainbow Dash. It's not like Princess Celestia would just dump a bunch of responsibility on you right after you were coronated. Plus, it's not like they could just say no to you." Twilight replied.
Rainbow frowned. "Yeah, it's not they wouldn't consider something like that an abuse of power and secretly hate my guts for it for the rest of their lives" she said sarcastically.
"That's not an abusing your power, Dashie! That would be using the royal treasury to have an indoor pool filled with fudge installed in the castle. Oh, but it would be so worth it..." Pinkie joked, gaining laughs from everypony in the room.
With a good mood now restored, things were looking up for the Elements of Harmony.
(3rd Person's POV, South Pole, Isaac's Location)
It had been about two weeks since Isaac had obtained his freedom, and he had been flying south as a seagull practically nonstop, only taking breaks to sleep and/or eat.
Why did it take him two weeks to get to the South Pole? Well this universe's Earth was quite a bit larger than the one he was born on, hence the increased amount of time it took to get there.
"Thank god, I'm finally here!" he said, back in his angel form and heavily panting on top of a floating piece of ice. Once regaining his composure, Isaac took a look at his destination from that outside.
It was basically the worst blizzard imaginable being used as a dome covering the actual places where. The hate was absolutely pouring out of this place. The thing about this, was he could sense something even worse than Windigoes hiding in there.
Anger, Resentment, Jealousy.
All of these could be felt in a startling clarity due to how close he was. In fact, their pattern actually seemed somewhat familiar to him.
"It couldn't be ..." Isaac whispered, eyes widening. But the more he thought about it, the more plausible it seemed.
"Well, there's only one way to find out." he shrugged, turned into a seapony, and dived into the water. If he was right then infiltrating this place from underneath the ice was his best bet.
Erik was a Polar Griffin, a variation of the regular species obviously suited for colder environments. His head, forelegs, and wings (flippers actually) were that of a penguin rather than an eagle. The rest of his body resembled a white arctic lion.
The weak fire in the middle of the igloo he shared with his mate and their cubs. He was attempting to cook what fish she had let him keep from his daily attempt at hunting. Not that he was able to get that much to begin with. It was practically impossible to get pretty much anything these days.
Life had been harsh before, what with the constant war between the tribes, but then she had come to power almost a year ago. Misha. "That bitch!" he thought angrily. She was once like the rest of them, just trying to survive the fighting, if only meaner about it. Then she had gained frightening strength and magical powers out of seemingly nowhere along with a terrifying new form, which allowed her to easily strike down the head of his tribe and take his place. Then she quickly went on to conquer the other tribes and unite them under her banner.
Misha would force them to hand over all of the best food for herself and her loyal slaves, leaving the rest of them with the scraps. Anyone who went against her was swiftly executed along with their family, children too of course. She seemed to thrive off of their hatred of her, because she just kept escalating. Anybody who didn't hand over their fish plus their families was dead. Anybody who seemed to just looked at her wrong got the axe. Her way of speech had changed as well. Before it had the same roughness many polar griffons possessed in theirs, but now it held a strange regal quality.
Before all this, life was relatively pleasant for them, even with the fighting going on around them. Back then he still couldn't hunt enough food for all of them, which is why he and his mate almost always gave their shares to their children. But now his youngest cub was seriously ill, and the others were looking dangerously skinny.
So it was with great surprise that the middle of the floor started to increase in temperature at a dangerous rate. He and his mate pushed their children behind themselves and prepared to attack. Eventually, a hole melted in the melted in the floor, and a seapony came out of it? Then it got even more confusing when the seapony transformed into a weird bipedal creature in a flash of golden flames.
"Finally, ugh.. That would have been so much easier if I could breath fire underwater..."
"Who are you?!"
When he received no reply and the creature continued to mumble to itself, Erik pounced! Maybe his family would have something to eat tonight.
Without even looking at him, the creature's right arm shot out at grabbed onto his forehead, keeping the polar griffin in place. At that moment, Erik's entire life flashed before his eyes. His less than stellar childhood, the daily struggles it took to make ends meet before, and then when everything seemed to turn into a frozen version Tartarus. He had the odd sensation that someone was there watching too.
Then the creature let go, and he was dropped flat on his butt, disoriented by the experience.
"Did.. Did you just read my mind?" Erik asked.
"Yep! That means I'm here to help you with something." it replied.
What?
"My name's Isaac Donohue, Erik. I'm here to deal with your little tyrant issue."
What an odd name...
"You're a fool if you think you can defeat Misha, shapeshifter." his mate said, glaring at the intruder from across the room.
"Ah! Normally that would be true, but I've dealt with her before." Isaac replied.
"Wait, how could you have fought Misha before. We've never seen you before and she loves to publicly humiliate whoever's dumb enough to challenge her." Erik asked.
"I don't mean the meat sack, I mean the being that's possessing her."
"She's POSSESSED?!"
"How else do you explain the new look, attitude, and powers?"
"Bwah?" this was too much for him.
"Look I know you're having trouble processing all of this right now, but you might want to get out of the way."
"OF WHAT?!" he screamed.
At that moment, the igloo was destroyed by a large black shape than ran through the walls straight at Isaac. It was a large female Polar Griffin with slitted blue eyes and mostly black fur and feathers. Luckily, the angel jumped out of the way before he could get bowled over. The griffoness turned around and reioriented herself, glaring at her prey with incredible amounts of hatred. The noise attracted the attention of the polar griffons, who warily exited their igloos to see what was going on.
"Isaac! I knew I sensed thine foul presence! Was Celestia so incompetent as to let you roam free?!" she roared.
"I believe the same could be said of you, Nightmare Moon. But I believe that's more because she doesn't know you're still alive." Isaac said, a smirk adorning his face as he put up his fists.
She scoffed. "Please, as if the Elements of Harmony could kill me. I am a goddess!"
"A goddess who's been reduced to possessing other's bodies because she lacks one of her own anymore, and feeding on their hatred like a filthy Windigo?" he quipped.
"Please, once I regain my full strength I'll seek out my weak other half and claim what is rightfully mine! Then the night-"
"Will last forever. Yada yada yada... Can we just skip to the fighting... " a devious smile "Moonbutt?"
Luna always did hate his nicknames a lot more than Celestia. So it was with no surprise that Nightmare Moon, in the body of Misha the polar griffoness, rammed into Isaac in the blink of an eye, sending him high into the sky.
"I REGRET NOTHING!"
And so the fight for the South Pole began...
Me Gusta
I wish I could be that adorable, alas, I am but a simple toast man.
...
He he penguin griffins.
4292084
Your picture makes the comment soooo much better
the fun has been fucktupled!
Beautiful
Fucking Penguin-Griffins...
Only bad thing about this story.... That there isn't more of it! Keep up the good work! This story gets 4 out of 5 derpy's
Pengrifs sound confusing .
Celestia not confirming her kills? Shocking.
Well damn, I was really hopping you wouldn't make him evil.
Welp... apparently penguin-griffins are a thing now...
...
...
...
4292637
Ah no worry, he said he going to do good things, albeit in worrisome way though
ha ha~! this gonna blow up in his face big time later poor dude attempting doing good making the land a better place but getting no rewards or credit! just sas and threats of prison bah bah.
Nice. Might steal penguin-griffons for my fic, if the main character ever travels to the arctic, that is.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs15/f/2007/073/d/6/Penguin_Griffin_by_dolphy.jpg
....wow
A cliffhanger, and foreshadowing? My good sir, you spoil me so.
NOW THE REAL FIGHT BEGINS!
So...he is the kind of people who are "I work in and with the shadow to serve the light by every meant neccessary"?
4292846
O_o ... to cute and senseless. even for MLP
Some grammar and punctuation issues, especially near the beginning.
4292846
To be honest, I didn't know that artwork existed when I made them up
Penguin-griffons... Luna dammit why didn't I think of this!
10/10
I'm done. goodnight.
and I lost it
sounds about right for tia wanting to reverse the transformations since she had no say in the matter don't have him change them back
waiting for more
Mhm, yes, well... I approve. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Griffonuine...
4293652
The things you find on the Internet....
LOL. "I regret nothing." That's the first tie I've ever heard that before a fight. I think it translates out as. "I may get my ass kicked but saying that was worth it."
Need moar!!!
Griffguins (Griff-guins)
Oh, this story is so hilarious. It's glorious.
... Discord is into drugs? Oh shit...
Love it
4292846
This proves that you can literally find anything on the Interwebs.
here's my reaction (GOD DAMN IT STUPID LAPTOP IS BEING A ASS HOLE AGAIN ... i will try the link to the video instead) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r91hMDhDkwQ
(i hope it worked :D anyways just click the link and you will see my reaction)
The only two words that describe this story are "Magnificent" and "Magical" that is all
4292846 weeeeeeell ok then...
4292761
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c4/Lleyn_sheep.jpg
???
Fuckin' right!
You switch viewpoints and perspectives too much, and it becomes confusing, also the announcement that you're doing so (at least in the way that you're doing it) is disrupting to the reading and enjoyment of the story. Additionally your pacing is too fast, you don't spend any time describing things in a believable way, and your story is rife with unnecessary exposition, when you have the opportunity to instead show us how things actually are as opposed to just telling us in such a bland way. This is a symptom of a writer who wants to write an epic story, but doesn't have the time or patience to actually write one out. As you give Issac more power, and make him more important in such a blatant manner you start to make him look like a shitty self insert.
Hopefully you wont take this as a personal attack so much as an opportunity to improve.
4320659
Thanks for the criticism. This story is based off a challenge I created where the main character gets five random superpowers and then gets sent to Equestria. One of them was Power Replication, which pretty much leads to him becoming OP. This story isn't meant to be serious, but rather just absurd and hilarious. I don't plan to make it that large considering this is my first fanfic published online, so maybe afterwards I could make a serious version of this where the main character is less OP?
4316339 I feel sheepish now. yeah I know bad pun there. I meant to say blah blah
4321572
That'd be neat to read, though once again I think you'd need to clean up the exposition a bit. Since a lot of people don't have a solid grasp on exposition is, I'll explain just in case: Exposition is when you as the author are trying to tell the readers something in a more direct manner.
For example in your story you use exposition through dialogue here when you say "Alicorns recover from illness and injury faster than normal ponies," from the doctor's perspective. The doctor knows that Alicorns recover more quickly, and Celestia certainly does too, so why does the doctor feel the need to tell Celestia? The answer is: because the readers need to know. Its jarring to the story, and unrealistic. Small changes could be made to make it not exposition, but the message is still communicated.
Basically everyone I've ever read (even published authors) occasionally use a tiny tiny bit of exposition, but you want to minimize it as much as possible. The easiest way to fight it off is to get a good editor, and over time you'll learn to spot it as you write and keep it out more and more.
4326937
Are you asking for the position?
4327412
No, I'd just ask if that was what I was trying to do. I mean, I'd do it if you really couldn't find anyone else, but I'm not the quickest at editing. There are some groups around FimFiction though so it shouldn't be too hard to find someone.
Regardless, keep writing, practice makes perfect and all that. Hopefully my comments haven't been too harsh, and I appreciate how well you've taken them.
4326937
I agree with the point you made.
4321572
The one thing I don't agree with him is that you need to keep out as much as possible. Writers are conflicted on this. I'm in the camp that you can use exposition if it flows in the with the story and you can mask it and keep it from being disruptive. If the doctor would have been alleviating Twilight's concerns about why she wasn't as drained as she should be, then it would have made sense in the narrative. I'm a firm believer that you can write whatever you want, however you want to, as long as it stays immersive and flows.
Try to avoid info dumps, and don't tell characters who should already have X bit of info X bit of info. Like Shockhoof said, as you write more, you'll be able to pick out bad exposition. The goal is to give the info in the most natural way possible.
Penguin...griffins?
BRILLIANT
When's the next chapter
static.tumblr.com/kkupb2o/dspm1pqch/i_regret_nothing.gif
Classic
Famous last words