//------------------------------// // Tired Tree Train // Story: MLP: FML // by Maniac92 //------------------------------// The desert sun was setting as a train rushed down the tracks. A group of stallions had ropes tied to collars around their necks and were pulling the train down the tracks. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to use steam to move the train?” asked one. “Do you really want another tar and featherin’, Clyde?” asked the leader. Meanwhile, in the caboose of the train, a certain farm pony was reading from a book. “When Treebeard had got a few arrows in him, he began to warm up, to get positively ‘hasty’, as he would say,” read Applejack softly. “He let out a great hoom-hom, and a dozen more Ents came stridin’ up. An angry Ent is terrifying. Their-” “Um…Applejack?” asked Rarity in a concerned manner. “You do know you’re reading Tolkien to an apple tree, right?” Applejack looked away from the apple tree on the bed and turned towards Rarity. “Ah know, Ah know. But Ah left The Giving Tree at home and this is Bloomberg’s favorite part of-” “Applejack!” whined Rarity. “You got a private sleeper car for a tree! Meanwhile, I have to share a car with everyone else! How am I supposed to get my beauty sleep with Pinkie’s antics or Rainbow Dash’s farts keeping me up all night?” “Are you forgettin’ that Bloomberg’s the whole reason we’re makin’ this trip?” asked Applejack. “He needs to be nice and rested for mah relatives in Appaloosa!” Rarity stared at her. “Applejack…it is a tree. It’s not a person.” Applejack gasped and ran over to Bloomberg. “It’s ok…” she soothed, stroking the tree’s leaves. “Rarity’s a tired old mare is all. She can’t help but act like a whiny little bitch.” “Who are you calling old?!” screamed Rarity. “Bloomberg doesn’t want to speak to you,” said Applejack. “And neither do Ah. Good day to you, ma’am.” “Fine!” huffed Rarity. “I hope your tree gets termites!” Smiling at Applejack’s horrified expression, Rarity turned and walked back into the other car. The other ponies and Spike were resting on their own beds and chatting as Rarity walked in. “How’s Applejack doing?” asked Twilight. “She’s going crazy and reading her tree The Lord of the Rings,” groused Rarity as she used her magic to put curlers in her tail. “Which book?” asked Twilight eargerly. “My favorite is Return of the King, but the others have their own-” “NERD!” yelled Rainbow Dash. She grabbed some popcorn from a bag on her bed. “Reading is lame.” “Maybe you haven’t found the right book,” suggested Twilight. “I can think of a couple that you’d-” “NERD!” yelled Rainbow, throwing pieces of popcorn at Twilight. Rarity finished putting curlers in her hair and climbed up to her bed. “Can you girls try to keep it down? I’m going to bed.” She pulled the curtains around her bed, hiding her from view. “Me too,” yawned Spike, resting his head on his pillow. “I was up early making all those snacks you guys are eating.” “Couldn’t Twilight have helped?” asked Fluttershy. Spike glared at Twilight. “Not unless we want a fire in the library again.” “Like I told you,” said Twilight, annoyed, “I was doing an experiment to see if I could make water into a flammable fluid. It worked, didn’t it?” “Yes, it did,” agreed Spike. “If by worked, you mean it burst into flames the second you poured it into a cup.” “Wait,” said Pinkie, grinning, “Does that mean that Twilight started a fire…by pouring herself a glass of water?” Twilight blushed. “It was an experiment in magic!” she yelled. “And it is also why you are no longer allowed in my kitchen,” said Spike, pulling the covers over himself. Rainbow Dash groaned as she looked at the scenery outside. “We are we in a train?” she asked. “I could have been their hours ago if I flew!” “I’m glad that we’ll be out of town for a few days,” said Fluttershy. “I’m still waiting for that model stuff to die down.” “We’ll be there tomorrow morning,” said Twilight. She yawned. “For now, let’s just get some shut-eye.” She reached over and turned out the lights in the car. After a few minutes, Rainbow Dash hissed, “Pinkie? Are you still awake?” “Yep!” whispered Pinkie Pie. “Are you?” “…Are you an idiot?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Yep!” whispered Pinkie. “Are you?” Rainbow Dash sighed and lit a candle, letting her see Pinkie’s face. “Look, do you think we’ll have to lug that heavy tree all the way to the orchard?” Pinkie gasped. “Rainbow, don’t say that so loud! Applejack told me Bloomberg’s sensitive about his weight!” “Pinkie,” said Rainbow Dash, “It’s just a tree.” “Who?” asked Pinkie. “Bloomberg?” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “No, I meant Fluttershy,” she said sarcastically. Pinkie furrowed her brow in confusion. “But…Fluttershy’s not a tree.” Twilight yawned as she stepped up to the two. “What are you girls doing? You should get some sleep.” “Rainbow thinks Fluttershy’s a tree!” said Pinkie. “No, I don’t!” denied the pegasus. “I only said she was a tree!” Twilight looked at Rainbow in concern. “And…exactly how long have you thought she was a tree?” “Listen,” said Rainbow, rubbing her eyes. “I know Fluttershy’s not a tree, ok?” “I’d like to be a tree,” said Fluttershy, coming into the light. “Why?” asked Pinkie. “Do you have a crush on Groot?” “N-no!” said Fluttershy, her eyes darting around. “I…have a crush on…Rocket?” Rainbow nodded. “Makes sense.” “But how can you resist Groot’s deep voice?” asked Twilight. “Bitch, you better stop talking about my man,” growled Fluttershy. “For fuck’s sake!” yelled Spike as he got out of bed. He stomped to the end of the car and threw open the door. He walked into Bloomberg’s car, slamming the door behind him. “…Must be a Drax kind of guy,” deduced Rainbow. A blue glow surrounded the candle and it was lifted out of Rainbow’s grasp. The group turned to see Rarity glaring at them with bloodshot eyes, a green mud mask dripping from her face. “Be. Quiet.” Rarity snarled. She blew out the candle. “…What was with the green stuff on her face?” whispered Pinkie. “Gamora cosplay,” whispered Rainbow Dash. “SHUT UP!” screeched Rarity. Meanwhile, Spike was looking around Bloomberg’s car, which was surprisingly empty. “Where the hell is Applejack?” he whispered to himself. He quietly made his way over to Bloomberg’s bed and crawled in. He rested his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. The door to the car opened, and Applejack stumbled in. “Bloomberg? Honey?” she whispered as she staggered over to the bed. “Mama’s had a few drinks in the dining car…do you mind if she sleeps with you?” Spike’s eyes opened just in time to see Applejack climb on top of him. She laid down and rested her head on Spike’s chest. “Mmm…” she moaned, her eyes drooping. “I don’t remember these beds being so warm…and scaly…” She yawned and shut her eyes. In a few seconds, she was snoring softly. Spike looked down at the sleeping pony and gulped. He looked at Bloomberg and whispered, “She’s going to kill me when she wakes up, isn’t she?” Bloomberg, being a tree, said nothing.