//------------------------------// // Cave of Blunders // Story: MLP: FML // by Maniac92 //------------------------------// “Whoo,” hooted Owlowiscious, bringing yet another book over to Twilight. “Thanks!” said Twilight, grabbing the book with her magic. “You’ve been so useful today, Owlowiscious. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She looked up at the ceiling and said, “Especially since Spike is so wrapped up in his little study project.” Spike was in the bedroom upstairs, sitting on the floor with a stack of books beside him. “Ooh,” he said mockingly as he grabbed the first book from the stack, “Look at Owlowiscious! He bathes regularly and is better than Spike in every possible way! Let’s all worship him!” Spike growled to himself and turned the book over in his hands. “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” he read. He tossed the book behind him and grabbed the next book. “The Raven,” he read. Tossing the book behind him, he grabbed the next one. “Mockingjay.” Toss. “Artemis Fowl.” Toss. “Mockingjay Part 2: The Shameless Cash-grab.” Toss. “Giant Cocks of Equestria and the Chicks Who Love Them.” Toss. “Goddammit Twilight,” said Spike, grabbing the next book. “When I wanted books about birds, I thought you’d give me at least one about owls…” He turned the book over and read the title. “Owls: They’re a Hoot!” Spike reread the title and shrugged, “Bullshit title, but I’ll take what I can get.” He flipped open the book. “Alright,” he said to himself, “I just need to find something about owls that will make Twilight freak out and get rid of that feathery bastard.” He opened the book and read, “Chapter one...” Hours Later: Spike woke up with a start. He lifted his head off of the open book and looked around the empty bedroom. He breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Man…that was freaky. I had a dream where Twilight figured out I ruined that book of hers.” Someone cleared their throat right behind him. Spike turned around and saw Twilight, who was glaring at him. The ruined astronomy book was in her magical grasp and open, showing off the scorch marks. “…Remember when I forgave you for burning all that foo-” began Spike. “Quiet.” Twilight gestured to the book and said, “Explain. Now.” “…D-do…do you want me to start talking?” asked Spike. “I mean, you did just say ‘quiet’, so…” “Spike!” said Twilight. “The book! I had Owlowiscious bring it to me so I could take a look at it, and I found it like this. What happened?” “I…sort of sneezed on it,” said Spike guiltily. “And you didn’t tell me about this…why?” questioned Twilight. “…I didn’t want you to get mad?” suggested Spike. “Did it work?” he asked hopefully. “Yes,” said Twilight, “I’m not mad.” “…You’re not?” asked Spike. He exhaled and said, “That’s a relief.” “OF COURSE I’M MAD!” yelled Twilight, making Spike jump. “You said you weren’t!” said Spike. He pointed an accusing finger at her. “You lied to me!” “Doesn’t feel so good, does it?” asked Twilight. She walked towards the stairs, only to turn her head and glare at him. “I am very disappointed in you, Spike.” Spike was silent as he watched Twilight leave. “Damn it…” he muttered. He kicked the stack of books, knocking them over. “This is all that stupid owl’s fault…he set me up!” Spike grinned deviously and turned back to the owl book. “Well…two can play at that game…” Later: Fluttershy was walking through town, an angry looking rat next to her. “Are you sure you’ll be okay in the middle while I go get groceries, Mr. Scabbers?” she asked, looking down at the rat. “Of course!” said the rat. “It’s not like I’ll abandon you and go resurrect a dark wizard or anything!” “…Weirdly specific, but ok!” said Fluttershy. She turned and walked towards the market. “I’ll be back in a minute!” “Take your time!” called Scabbers. Once Fluttershy was out of sight, he quickly began scurrying towards the edge of town. “Finally!” he said to himself. “Once I’m out of this disgusting town, I can track down the Dark Lord and finally stop pretending to be a stupid-” “Rat!” said a voice. “What?” asked Scabbers as a purple-scaled hand picked him up. “Perfect!” said Spike, looking at the rat in his hand. “Now I can leave you where Owlowiscious can find you and eat you! Then I can show Twilight and she’ll kick him out! Then I’ll be the number one assistant again!” “…Um…” said Scabbers, looking at something behind Spike. “…Twilight’s right behind me, isn’t she?” asked Spike nervously. A purple glow surrounded his body, and Spike found himself involuntarily turning to face an angry-looking Twilight. Owlowiscious was on her back, staring at Spike. Scabbers wiggled his way out of Spike’s grasp and started running for the forest. “Freedom!” he yelled. Suddenly, a white owl swooped down and grabbed him in its talons. “Curses!” screamed Scabbers as he was carried away. Twilight stared at Spike, who awkwardly shuffled his feet. “Um…just kidding?” he said with a forced smile. “…Spike,” said Twilight, “Are you fucking kidding me?” “I just said I was,” said Spike. “That’s not…” began Twilight. She sighed and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she said, “Owlowiscious and I are going home. Where he is going to stay. If you can’t deal with that then I don’t know what to tell you. All I can say is that I can’t believe you’d let your jealousy get this out of control. I thought you were better than this.” She turned around and walked back towards the library. Owlowiscious turned his head and stared at Spike, offering a sympathetic-sounding hoot. Spike sighed and looked down at the ground. “…I fucked up, didn’t I?” he asked himself. He sighed and muttered, “I guess I have to do the adult, responsible thing...” Two Hours Later: Spike was walking through the Everfree Forest, his head hung low. “Running away will solve everyone’s problems…” he said miserably. “Twilight won’t have to deal with jealous, mean, smelly, stupid, ugly, fat, miserable Spike anymore. She has Owlowiscious to be her assistant now…” He sighed and looked up at the sky. “At least it’s a nice night.” Clouds suddenly rolled in and started pouring rain down on the runaway dragon. “…Of fucking course…” muttered Spike. He squinted his eyes and saw a cave further down the path. Spike quickly ran towards it and peered into it. “Hello?” he called, his voice echoing off the walls of the cave. He saw something glinting in the darkness and slowly crept forward. Spike suddenly stopped, his mouth dropping open. “No way…” he muttered. Thousands of gems of every shape, size, and color had been piled together at the back of the cave. The seemed to light up the cave, bathing it in multi-colored light. Spike sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye. “This is so beautiful…” He picked up a ruby and bit into it. “And tasty…” Spike let out a triumphant yell and dove into the pile of gems, stuffing them into his mouth. “This is amazing!” he said, happily chewing on an emerald. He grabbed a nearby crystal and was about to eat it, when he paused. “Man…this thing is really purple…” he muttered, looking at it. “Almost like…” “Spike,” he imagined Twilight saying, “Don’t eat so many gems! They go right to your thighs, remember?” Spike sighed and set the crystal down. “…I miss Twilight,” he muttered. “I should head back home and apologize to her…and Owlowiscious.” He thought for a moment. “…Maybe just Twilight. Owlowiscious is still kind of a prick.” The temperature in the cave seemed to rise and Spike wiped sweat from his forehead. “What the hell is going on?” he muttered, looking behind him. A huge green dragon was staring at him, smoke coming from its nostrils. “…What are you doing in my cave, kid?” growled the dragon. “And why are you eating my gems?” “Um…” faltered Spike. “It was raining outside and I was hungry?” “…Oh,” said the dragon. “I’m sorry. You’re welcome to stay until the rain stops. Eat as many gems as you want.” “Wow, really?!” asked Spike. “Thank you so much, sir!” “…The fuck do you mean sir?” asked the dragon. “I’m a woman!” “…You are?” questioned Spike. “You men are all the same!” screamed the dragon, her claws expanding. Spikes grew out of her tail and she swung it at Spike, who barely managed to duck in time. The dragon opened her mouth and shot fire at the fleeing Spike and chased after him as he ran to the back of the cave. Spike slowed to a stop and looked around, realizing where he was. “Should’ve ran towards the entrance…” he muttered, hitting his head against the cave wall. “Stupid, stupid Spike…” The dragon looked down at Spike and prepared to roast him. Suddenly, a hoot was heard and Owlowiscious flew in front of the dragon’s face. “Oh god! A bird! My one fear!” shrieked the dragon, cowering. “Spike!” yelled a voice. Spike looked to the cave’s entrance, where Twilight was frantically waving at him. “Run!” Spike quickly ran towards her, running past the terrified dragon as she tried shooing Owlowiscious away. “Get on my b-” Twilight choked as Spike hopped on her back and squeezed her neck. They quickly ran away from the cave, Owlowiscious flying right behind them. Back in the cave, the dragon opened her eyes and looked around. “…That’s right!” she said triumphantly. “You better run!” She watched as a small robin flew into the cave and chirped. She fell on her back, screaming. Once they were far enough away from the cave, Twilight stopped. “Are you alright?” she asked Spike, who hopped off her back and started walking beside her. “I’m fine,” said Spike. “Why did you run away?” asked Twilight. Spike looked at the ground and said, “I thought you didn’t want me as an assistant anymore. You seemed so happy with Owlowiscious…” “I was only disappointed in you because you didn’t tell me about your mistake and that you tried framing Owlowiscious for murder,” said Twilight. “That doesn’t mean I want to get rid of you. If anything, I wanted Owlowiscious to help you. With him doing part of your work, you’ll have more time to yourself.” Spike blinked. “You mean…I was trying to chase off the guy who could help me get more days off?” He sighed and smacked his hand against his forehead. “I’m a jackass, aren’t I?” “Yep,” said Twilight, pulling him into a hug, “But you’re my jackass.” “Sorry,” said Spike, returning her hug. He looked over at Owlowiscious, who had landed on a tree branch and was watching them. “I’m sorry to you too, Owlowiscious.” Owlowiscious gave an understanding/forgiving hoot. He went on to give a series of hoots all about the power of friendship and the joy that comes with being part of a tight-knit group. “…Did you get any of that?” questioned Spike. “Nope,” whispered Twilight. “I’ve just been nodding my head every time he makes noise and pretending to know what he’s saying.” She cleared her throat and looked around the area. “You know, I think we’re close to Zecora’s house. Do you want to ask her about that weird sapphire?” “Sure!” said Spike. He frowned and said, “But I don’t have it with me.” Owlowiscious hooted and pulled the sapphire out from under his wing. “…Damn,” said Spike, impressed. “He really is good, isn’t he?” A few minutes later: Zecora was studying the sapphire closely. She looked up at Twilight and Spike and said, “I’ve never seen one on my own, but it seems like you’ve found a Shifting Stone.” “What the hell is that?” asked Spike. “It sounds made-up. Like some weirdo made it up for an Internet story.” “It allows you to change your shape,” said Zecora, “If you concentrate on the one you want to ape.” “Ah,” said Spike, gazing at the sapphire on the table. “So it turns you into an ape…” “No, Spike,” said Twilight. “It means you can turn into someone else.” “What would I use that for?” asked Spike. “I could use it for pranking, but that’s more Rainbow and Pinkie’s thing.” He grinned and said, “I could turn into Rarity and look at myself naked!” Twilight sighed and said, “For the last time, we don’t wear clothes! Rarity is naked all the time!” “I know!” said Spike. “It’s awesome!” “Before you waste it like a dunce,” interrupted Zecora, “I should tell you that it will only work once.” “Only once, huh?” questioned Spike, looking at the sapphire. “I guess I better save it for something special.” “Like what?” asked Twilight. “I don’t know,” admitted Spike. “But, if I do use it, I want to make the most of it.” He grinned and grabbed the sapphire. “Maybe it’ll make an ordinary night the best night ever, you know?” “So long as you don’t use it to ruin anyone’s reputation,” said Twilight. “Come on,” said Spike. “Name one time I-” “You tried to frame Owlowiscious for murder,” interrupted Twilight. “…Shit,” said Spike. “You got me there.”