• Published 20th Aug 2012
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MLP: FML - Maniac92



An insane parody of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

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Rarity's Rejects

“And…done!” said Rarity as she finished the last dress. She went to her bedroom door and unlocked it. She opened it a crack and said, “They’re ready!”

Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie, and Fluttershy all walked into the room.

“Were…were you singing while you made the dresses?” asked Twilight.

“No!” said Rarity, her eyes darting around.

“Really?” asked Rainbow Dash, who still had Rarity’s bucket on her head. “Then what was all that ‘It’s the art of the dress’ stuff?”

Anyway,” said Rarity as she ignored the question. She led the others over to the other side of the room. “Here’s your new dresses!”

The girls' jaws dropped as they stared at what Rarity had made.

Applejack’s dress was a mix of green and browns, with a brand new hat and boots. Twilight’s dress was blue and had stars decorated on it. Fluttershy’s dress was green and had flowers decorated on it. Rainbow Dash’s dress was rainbow colored and had golden laurels as an accessory. Pinkie’s dress was a mix of pink, white, and blue, and had a small hat to go with it.

“What do you think?” asked Rarity. “Applejack?”

“Um…they’re…good?” said Applejack, unable to look Rarity in the eye.

“Oh…well, alright!” said Rarity. “What about you Twilight?”

“…Well…it doesn’t look like a burlap sack,” observed Twilight quietly.

“N-no…no, it doesn’t…” said Rarity slowly. “Rainbow?”

“Yeah, it’s a great start Rarity,” said Rainbow, “But when are the real ones going to be made?”

“These…um…these are the real ones,” Rarity said quietly.

Rainbow Dash simply pushed the bucket on her head down so it covered her face.

“Fluttershy?” asked Rarity desperately.

“Well…” said Fluttershy, “It definitely doesn’t make me want to vomit if that’s what your thinking!”

“I wasn’t,” muttered Rarity.

“Neither was I!” said Fluttershy quickly.

Rarity sighed. She turned to Pinkie and said, “Go ahead.”

“My dress sucks all sorts of ass!” said Pinkie happily.

Rarity took in a deep breath. She calmly walked over to the wall and punched a hole through it. Removing her hoof, Rarity turned back to the others. She bared her teeth, attempting to smile. “So…what exactly is wrong with them?”

“Nothing!” said Twilight.

“Not a thing!” claimed Applejack.

“I can’t get this bucket off!” cried Rainbow Dash, attempting to remove the bucket.

“It’s…nice!” lied Fluttershy.

“We expected something better!” said Pinkie happily.

“And cooler!” said Rainbow Dash, still trying to get the bucket off.

Pinkie pointed at the dresses. “These are bad and you should feel bad!”

Rarity grabbed a pillow off of her bed and tore it in half. Taking a deep breath, she calmly said, “Not to worry, girls. I’ll just redo the dresses.”

“Oh,” began Fluttershy, “You don’t have to-”

“I want to!” said Rarity, grabbing the dresses and tossing them in the garbage. “I mean, God forbid that you have to wear something that your friend, out of the goodness of her heart, made for you for free. And it’s not like she’s the only pony you know who has a clue about what looks good or not! And it’s not like she makes dresses for a living, has been doing it for years, and hoped that her friends would just shut the FUCK up for once and accept the dresses she made, once again out of the goodness of her goddamn heart and not bitch and moan about minor flaws that you think exist because you don’t have enough fashion sense to-”

“Um, Rarity?” asked Applejack. Everyone was staring at her with wide eyes.

Rarity blinked. “Oh.” She cleared her throat. “Like I said, it’s no problem. But,” she said as she turned to the others, “I’ll need you girls to tell me exactly what you want. Ok?”

The others nodded.

“I SAID ‘OK’?!” screeched Rarity.

“OK!” yelled the others, fearfully.

“Good,” said Rarity. She used her magic to throw everyone except Fluttershy out of the room. “Let’s start with you, Fluttershy. What do you want to wear?”

“Oh…I’ll wear anything you make, Rarity,” said Fluttershy. “Really it’s no trouble.”

“Really?” asked Rarity with narrowed eyes. She used her magic to grab Fluttershy’s rejected dress out of the garbage. “What about this? Would you wear this?”

“Well…” began Flutteshy. “I’d prefer not to…”

“Really?” asked Rarity. She shoved the now-smelly dress into Fluttershy’s face. “Why’s that? What’s wrong with it?”

“It smells?” replied Fluttershy.

“Not that!” yelled Rarity. “Why else do you not want to wear this?”

Fluttershy took a deep breath and started listing the flaws that she saw in Rarity’s design. There were a lot of them.

“…The collar doesn’t go with the shawl lapel, the hands are clearly machine-stitched, the pleats are uneven, the fabric looks like toile, you used a backstitch here, and the overall design is not true French haute couture,” Fluttershy finished.

Rarity stared at Fluttershy. “And if I fixed all of that, how would it make the dress any better?”

Fluttershy blinked. “U-um…”

Rarity sighed. “That’s what I thought.” She gestured over to her sketchbook. “Here, draw what you think looks good.”

Later:

“Now, the stars on the dress need to be accurate,” said Twilight as she paced the room. Her horn glowed and several heavy books landed on Rarity’s desk. “I’ve taken the liberty of bringing these books on the positions of constellations and-”

“Twilight,” interrupted Rarity, “I just used the stars as a decoration for your dress. Does it really matter if they’re accurate?”

“Of course!” said Twilight. “What if we’re at the Gala and a famous astrologist arrives? They’ll refuse to talk to me because of my shoddy star formations!”

Rarity closed her eyes and sighed. She used her magic to grab the nearest book and started reading.

Later:

“Um…Pinkie?” asked Rarity as she stood outside of her room. “Are you sure you don’t want me to draw your sketch for you?”

“I’ve got it!” said Pinkie. She was sitting on Rarity’s bed, the sketchbook in her lap. “Now,” she said quietly, “I’ve got to make sure to draw Rarity’s original dress. That way, she’ll be happy and I can just claim that I changed my mind about it.”

She grabbed a pencil and started drawing. “Speaking of changing minds, I wonder if I should’ve had a cupcake for breakfast rather than cereal...” She looked down at the sketchbook and gasped. While she had been thinking about cupcakes, she had drawn them all over her dress design. “Oh crud! I need to pay more attention.” She began drawing again. “Pay…” she muttered. She gasped. “Pay! I need to pay for those streamers I got from the store!” She looked back down and saw that she drew streamers on her dress design. “Oh no…” she said.

Later:

“Galoshes,” said Applejack.

Rarity blinked. “What.”

“Rarity, what if it rains?” asked Applejack.

“What?” repeated Rarity.

“It’s best to be prepared,” said Applejack. She watched Rarity start walking away. “Where are ya goin’?”

“To my liquor cabinet,” explained Rarity. “I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”

Later:

“How in the hell do you still have that bucket on your head?!” asked Rarity as she stared at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash clawed at the bucket. “You try getting a good grip on something when you don’t have fingers!” She attempted to pry the bucket off again, only to have her hooves slip off it.

Rarity sighed and used her magic to pull the bucket off of Rainbow.

Rainbow smiled and said, “Thanks Rarity! Do you have any idea how ridiculous I’d look with a bucket on my head?” She laughed as she grabbed the bucket. “I mean-” She gasped suddenly. She ran over to the nearest mannequin and put the bucket on its head. “Bam!” She turned and smiled at Rarity.

Rarity stared at the mannequin. “…What am I looking at here?”

“Duh!” said Rainbow. “A helmet! I want a helmet with my dress. No! I want battle armor!”

“…Had a 300 marathon, did you?” asked Rarity.

“I actually just read a lot of Wonder Woman,” admitted Rainbow Dash. “But I still want armor!”

Rarity sighed and grabbed a nearby bottle of beer. Taking a long draught, she put it down and said, “Fuck it, I don’t even care anymore.”

“Great!” said Rainbow Dash. “Oh, and Rarity?”

“What?”

“20% cooler!” said Rainbow Dash, winking at the camera.

“…How long was that bucket on your head?” asked Rarity.

“Four hours,” replied Rainbow Dash.

“Not a whole lot of oxygen with it on your head, was there?”

“No, there was not,” admitted Rainbow Dash. “I may have some minor brain damage.”

“Wonderful.”

Later…Again:

“Alright girls,” said a haggard-looking Rarity as she stood in the main room of her shop. The new dresses were behind her. “Let me know what you really think.”

“Um…Rarity?” asked Applejack. “What’s that stain on the floor?”

“Vomit,” answered Rarity. “I’m sorry…I just have a hard time looking at one of these dresses, let alone all six of them.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Twilight excitedly. “These look great!”

“You’re kidding,” Rarity said.

“No way!” said Rainbow Dash. “It looks kickass!”

“You’re kidding,” repeated Rarity.

“Nope!” said Applejack with a smile, “They look fine to me!” She turned to Fluttershy. “What do you think?”

“I can’t wait to wear it!” said Fluttershy excitedly. She turned to Pinkie. “What about…Pinkie? Why are you banging your head against the wall?”

Pinkie was slamming her head into the wall over and over again. She paused and shot a sympathetic look towards Rarity. “It’s exactly what I drew,” she explained. She went back to banging her head against the wall. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…” she muttered.

The front door opened and Spike ran inside. “You guys won’t believe this!” he said excitedly. “I managed to contact Hoity Toity, one of the biggest fashion designers in Canterlot, and convinced him to come here for Rarity’s fashion show!”

The girls cheered.

“You’re kidding,” said Rarity, her eye twitching.

“How did you manage to do that, Spike?” asked Twilight. “I didn’t know you knew Hoity Toity!”

“Oh yeah!” said Spike. “It all happened a few years ago…”

A few years ago:

Spike was at a Chinese restaurant in Canterlot. He was sitting at an outside table, about to dig into his lo mein, when he heard a loud sigh. Spike looked at the table next to his, where a grey stallion with sunglasses was slumped in his seat.

“I don’t know what to do with my life…” muttered the stallion. “To think, my brother and sisters know what they want to do but I just…don’t.”

“Hey,” said Spike. “Cheer up, man! You’ll figure it out.” He handed the stallion his fortune cookie. “Take this.”

The stallion laughed. “These don’t really mean anything, you know?” Regardless, he broke the cookie in half and read the fortune inside. “You will become a famous fashion designer.” The stallion stood up and cheered excitedly. “Yes! This is exactly what I’ll do with my life!” He shook Spike’s hand. “I’m Hoity Toity!”

“Spike,” replied Spike.

“Spike, you just helped me decide what I want to do! If you need anything, anything at all, you let me know!” said Hoity.

“Really?” asked Spike. “What if, years from now, I meet an attractive unicorn mare and, to impress her, I invited you down to Ponyville for a fashion show that she might put on?”

“That’s…oddly specific,” said Hoity. “But you know what? Sure. If that happens, I’ll gladly go to Ponyville for you!”

Now:

“…And that’s why I eat Chinese every single night,” finished Spike.

“…Spike, you realize none of us could see your flashback, right?” asked Twilight.

“I could!” said Pinkie.

“Just think, Rarity!” said Spike. “Once Hoity Toity sees these dresses, he’ll buy a ton off of you! Your business will take off!”

“You’re kidding,” said Rarity, her eye twitching rapidly.

“Um…Rarity?” asked Spike.

“You’re kidding,” repeated Rarity.

“I think she’s broken,” said Pinkie.

“You’re kidding,” repeated Rarity.

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