Rough in the Diamond
“You know,” Pinkie said as she happily bounced alongside Rainbow Dash, “I think Rarity is going to Canterlot this weekend too!”
Rainbow paused right there in the middle of the path, threw her head up towards the sky, and groaned.
Pinkie’s head tilted to the side at an alarming angle. “What? I was just going to say, you two should totally—”
“Should tooootally pal around and go shopping and be besties? Save it, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “She’s your friend, not mine.”
Pinkie gasped. Then she said, “Gasp!” a bit louder just to make sure Rainbow got the point.
“Not like that,” Rainbow groused. “I mean, she’s… our friend, but she’s not really my friend. Me and her don’t have anything in common. It’d be like… like Spike hanging out with Big Macintosh.”
“I think they play poker with some of the other stallions every other Friday,” Pinkie said.
Rainbow waved a hoof. “You know what I mean.”
“Oh.” Pinkie smiled sweetly. “You mean like how weird it would be for you and Fluttershy to be good friends.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “More like you and Gilda.” Pinkie didn’t respond and Rainbow winced. “Sorry. Too soon?”
“I just think we could be friends, y’know? Do you think she’ll come back?”
“I doubt it.” Rainbow Dash looked back to check that her saddlebags were properly fastened and started off again, picking up pace into a canter as the train platform came into view. “Sometimes you find out someone you think’s a friend is just a jerk underneath.” She frowned and muttered to herself, “and sometimes it’s not buried very deep at all.”
“What are you gonna do in Canterlot anyways?” Pinkie said.
Rainbow shrugged. “Thunderlane’s got some kind of plans made. Or so he says.”
“Soooomeone’s got a daaaate!”
A smirk flashed across Rainbow’s face. “Maybe. He is kinda cute. In a dorky way.”
“Rainbow and Thunder, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S— Hey, Rarity!”
Sure enough, Rarity was standing there at the train station, next to a pile of luggage that would have been absurd for any other pony but qualified as restrained for her. She wore a yellow kerchief and an impatient expression as she stared down the still-empty train tracks, but it softened into a smile as she caught sight of the two of them.
“Hi Rarity!” Pinkie said. Rainbow mumbled a greeting as well.
“Pinkie Pie, it’s wonderful to see you,” Rarity said. “And, ah, you too, Rainbow. I certainly hope you didn’t come all this way to see me off, because—” Her eyes drifted to the full saddlebags on Rainbow Dash’s back. “Oh,” she said, the enthusiasm in her voice gone.
Rainbow’s brow knit together as she looked up at Rarity. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Rarity pursed her lips. “I’m sorry, darling. I simply have a very busy schedule planned when I arrive in Canterlot, and I really don’t think I could spare the time to get together.”
“You don’t want to spend time with me?” Rainbow said.
“Really, Rainbow. It’s nothing personal. As I said, I have important business to attend to, and it’s not as if I’m really looking forward to it myself.”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “Wait. This is one of those… You're embarrassed to be around me, aren’t you?”
“Let’s not be dramatic about this.”
Rainbow’s face twisted in a bemused grimace. “Yes, because I’m the dramatic one here.” She glared in Rarity’s direction “Trust me, I had no desire to go to some stupid opera or pretentious art gallery anyways. If I wanted to be bored out of my skull I could do that right here in Ponyville.”
“Hmph. It's not my problem that you seem to be entirely lacking in class and refinement. Besides, that’s hardly—”
“Oh, don’t bother,” Rainbow Dash spat out. “Have fun at your prissy parties with all the other horrible elitist snobs.”
Rarity sniffed, her nose elevating in the air. “You don’t have the slightest clue about me, you know that?”
“I know enough,” Rainbow said.
Pinkie’s head swung between the two of them, tears welling up in her eyes. “C’mon girls, let’s all—”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash turned in unison and Pinkie’s words withered away under their combined glares.
Rainbow Dash stomped off to further down the platform. Pinkie gave Rarity one last plaintive look before hurriedly following.
“So… where are we going?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Thunderlane looked back at her, then flapped his wings a couple of jerky times, shooting forward to peer down a dark alleyway.
Rainbow frowned. “You do know where we’re going, right?”
He looked back at her, his smile a little shaky. “Yes, of course. I think. Absolutely.”
She trotted to catch up to him, right as he darted into the alley.
“Seriously?”
He flew back and pressed something into her hooves. She looked down to see a thin mask in the shape of a pale pink butterfly, wings outstretched. Her head swung back up to stare at his hopeful grin.
“Okay,” she said, dangerously calm, “if you’re planning on taking me to some kind of masquerade ball, I’m gonna tell you right now, you can take this mask and shove it.”
His eyes widened. “No, no. This is going to be awesome, I swear. You’ll love it! But you gotta wear a mask.”
Her eyes drifted down to the plain black cloth in his own hoof, two eyeholes cut in the strip. “Fine,” she said, “but you’re wearing the butterfly.”
One short argument later, she had tied the black mask around her head, and followed a subdued, butterfly-bemasked Thunderlane deeper into the alley. He paused in front of an unmarked door, one of several set in the bland, unpainted stone walls. It didn’t even have a handle on their side.
He reached out with a hoof and gingerly tapped a sequence of knocks. A panel slid open in the door, then slammed shut again, and it creaked slowly open.
To Dash’s surprise, inside sat a brawny minotaur, a tiny tiger mask resting on his snout. To get inside, they had to squeeze past him, into a narrow, grungy hallway, and as they passed over the threshold, Rainbow felt a cool tingle across her flank. She glanced back to see her cutie mark gone, magic having hidden it from view.
“Hey,” he grunted before they could get much further down the hall. Thunderlane jumped at the sound. “Boy. You know the rules, right?”
Rainbow looked over to Thunderlane, who seemed to be sweating a bit more than usual.
“Yessir,” he said.
The minotaur just nodded and went back to staring at the door.
Thunderlane hurried down the hall, and Rainbow followed, not even glancing at the dirty floor and industrial-looking pipes running the length of the hall. “What did he mean,” she whispered. “What’s going on?”
“Shh,” Thunderlane whispered, and he pushed open the door at the hall with one hoof, allowing a bright light and a sudden roaring cheer to burst out from within. He held the door open and Rainbow found herself drawn inside and quickly overcome with a strange sense of awe.
In contrast to the dirty hallway, the huge open room was nice. They came in at the top, at a walkway that made a wide circle, broken up occasionally by sets of stairs that led down into rows and rows of descending benches. At the very center, an open space hosted two ponies, currently in the midst of trying to bash one another’s brains out.
Rainbow Dash gawped, eyes on the two below. “Told you you’d like it,” Thunderlane whispered, as he came up behind her and pushed gently to direct her down to an open seat.
Given the size of the arena, it wasn’t packed, but still plenty crowded. More than a few looked up with interest at their arrival, curious eyes peering through the slits in a wide variety of masks.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but stare at the fight going on though. A hulking earth pony stolidly crouched in the middle of the arena, one bent foreleg held up to protect his face. Buzzing around him, a light-coated pegasus was on the offensive, darting in to strike again and again in a rain of blows that looked brutal.
One hoof struck just right past the earth pony’s guard and his head snapped back as he stumbled slightly. The spectators gave another appreciative roar, but the earth pony regained his position.
“Wow, he’s toast, huh?” Thunderlane said in her ear.
She shook her head absentmindedly. “He looks tough. And… see there?” her hoof shot out.
“What?”
“She’s slowing down.”
Sure enough, the pegasus’s movements were becoming ever-so-slightly slower, the fatigue of such high-speed maneuvering catching up to her. She pulled back, disengaging for a moment, and Rainbow turned to Thunderlane.
“How did you…? This has got to be illegal, right?”
Thunderlane shrugged. “I figured it better not to ask. Pretty great though, huh? Somepony would have to be pretty brave to fight, if you know what I mean.” His eyes darted to the side. “Even if they wound up losing.”
“Mhm,” Rainbow muttered. She was already intently watching the fighters again.
Having caught her breath, the pegasus moved back into attack position, and began raining another flurry of blows down on the stallion. One, two, three, and—
The stallion caught her hoof just as it was about to strike, and swung with all his might, sending the pegasus crashing down into the floor with an impact that set Rainbow’s teeth on edge. Not wasting another moment, he leapt forward and landed right on top of her with his full weight, and the whole crowd let out an instinctive ‘Oooh” of sympathy.
“Did you see that?” she said, a huge grin on her face as she turned to Thunderlane. She noticed he looked a little more ashen than normal. “You okay?”
He swallowed. “Yeah,” he croaked out. “Doing good.”
The pegasus laid limp on the tiled floor as the earth pony stood, raising one hoof high in victory. He turned in a slow circle, basking in cheers and whoops from the crowd, before stopping to look up to a section of the seating opposite Rainbow and Thunderlane.
Rainbow followed his gaze and felt her blood run cold.
There, seated on a plush red cushion in a section cordoned off by velvet ropes, was a white unicorn with an indigo mane. Her mask was understated, a domino of deep purple, and she lounged idly with her hooves crossed.
The stallion reared back, raising both hooves high, and the applause grew even louder. The unicorn glanced around at the cheering spectators, then back down at the fight’s victor. One of her hooves daintily raised, the sound growing to nearly deafening… and then it covered her mouth as she yawned.
A hush fell over the crowd. The stallion dropped down to all four hooves again, glowering as he trod over to the corner of the arena. A few other ponies trotted out with a stretcher to cart off the pegasus.
“Huh,” Rainbow Dash said. “Huh.”
“Th-there’s just one thing I hadn’t mentioned,” Thunderlane said, looking down to where he was twiddling his hooves. “The rules. They say… uh. They say that since we’re new, one of us has to fight tonight, but I—”
“Fight?” Rainbow Dash said, turning to him with laserlike focus. “Fight who?”
“Well, anypony, I guess. Don’t worry, I’ve been training and—”
When he had looked up again, he realized that Rainbow Dash was already gone. Thunderlane blinked, turning his head from side to side, trying to figure out where she had vanished to, when he heard her shout from below.
“I want to fight!” Rainbow Dash yelled, standing in the center of the arena.
There were a few scattered claps, but also more than a few polite laughs. The earth pony stallion’s ears perked up and he trotted out, a hard smile forming.
“Not him,” she said, stopping him in his tracks. Her hoof rose, pointing at the unicorn still lounging above, watching her with an idle curiosity. “I want to fight her.”
The stallion looked between Rainbow Dash and the unicorn, and then took a step back. The crowd exploding in a confused tangle of discussion and chaos, ponies debating, laughing, yelling. Rainbow didn’t let her gaze waver for an instant.
And when the unicorn stood up, a smirk crossing her face, the noise dropped away into silence.
“Okay,” she said, her soft voice carrying all the way down to the arena.
Rainbow Dash shivered, one leg pawing at the tiles underhoof. They felt slick and hard, not exactly making for a soft landing. Across from her, a lanky mare finished talking to the unicorn and turned to trot over to her.
The mare wore a featureless grey mask that hid her entire muzzle from view. “Name?” she said.
“Oh, uh—”
“Not your real name either. Arena name.”
Rainbow Dash paused, eyes darting side to side. “Prism Blitz?”
“Okay. There’s not much in the way of rules. Anything goes, including your wings or her magic. Fights are until tap out or knock out. The spell that hides your cutie mark keeps track of your health, and we’ll call it if you’re unconscious or determined to be too hurt to continue.”
“Don’t worry, won’t come up,” Rainbow said, forcing a grin. “At least not for me.”
The other pony looked at her, expression hidden behind the mask. She turned and trotted to the center of the arena. “Ladies and gentlecolts!” her voice rang out. “For our next match, we have a special treat. In this corner, a new challenger: Prism Blitz!”
There was a scattering of applause and some noises of mild interest. Rainbow could hear the reedy voice of Thunderlane cheering loudly from his seat way up.
“And in the other corner, you all know her. You all love her. The Queen of the Ring, the Mare of Mayhem! The one and only Lady Diamond!”
This time the audience let out a roar that seemed to shake the foundations of the whole arena. Rainbow Dash shook her head, staring down at the unicorn opposite her.
“Diamond?” she said, and she wasn’t sure the other pony would even be able to hear her over the roaring and stomping.
“Diamonds are unbreakable,” Lady Diamond replied, her face blank. “This is your final opportunity to back out. Are you sure you want to do this?”
The mare in the grey mask trotted away, leaving just the two of them standing in the center of the arena, all eyes in the house on them.
Rainbow Dash’s wings flapped as she lifted up, hanging in the air slightly off the ground. “Absolutely,” she said.
Lady Diamond reared back, standing entirely on her hind legs with a curious balance, one foreleg bent in a graceful curve, the other held outstretched. “Then bring it on.”
Rainbow Dash didn’t hesitate. With another beat of her powerful wings, she took off straight towards Diamond, twisting at the last moment to lead with a vicious kick from a hindleg.
She caught only air, feeling a touch as slight as silk flutter across her body as Diamond slid out of the way. Rainbow kept the momentum, banking at the corner of the arena and turning back. Diamond had already regained the same posture as before, facing her once again.
With a growl, she tried to go even faster, leading with her front hooves this time in what would be a pair of punches that would leave a mark. She kept her eyes narrowed but open, watching as— Diamond dropped to the floor again, a hoof trailing along Rainbow’s body to redirect her slightly and once more causing Dash to completely miss.
Dash continued her flight to the edge of the arena, her ears burning at the laughing of the crowd. The unicorn was making a fool of her, treating her like an angry bull. Instead of banking and coming around for another sweeping pass, she flew straight at the edge of the arena, flipping around at the last minute and letting her back hooves rest against the short wall and kick off for more speed.
She wasn’t going to let Diamond duck again. She aimed low, a bit under the other pony’s center of mass, trying for a full-body tackle and putting every ounce of her speed to use. Her lips curled back, and she whispered, “Dodge this,” into the cutting wind as she rocketed forward.
She kept her eyes narrowed again, but when Diamond disappeared from view, they sprung open wide. Then she felt the hoof trail lazily through her mane and the sudden pressure on her shoulders and realized that Diamond had jumped up, flipping over her to land on her. The presence of another pony’s weight on her threw her askew, sending her flight path straight into the ground where she slammed into the tiles, skidding to a stop further along.
Rainbow let out a muted groan. “What in th— ghk!” A white hoof snaked around her throat and pulled tight, cutting off her air as she thrashed. The weight was still on her back, her opponent holding her pinned down, and Rainbow Dash flailed against hooves that seemed made of iron.
“This is the part where you tap out, darling,” a sultry voice whispered in her ear.
Rainbow reached up to try and pull at the foreleg around her neck, but couldn’t budge it. Her lungs burned, the panic and physical exertion making them scream for fresh air, but she couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything. Her back legs lashed out again and again, trying to kick at Diamond, kick at something but the angles were all wrong and her leg just hit air.
She was starting to see spots in her eyes when she struck out instinctively with one last idea. Her wings. Her wings flew open, drawing upon accumulated thousands of wing-ups in practice, demonstrating a strength that belied their fragile appearance. They shot up between her and Diamond, the combination of surprise and force momentarily loosening the unicorn’s grip enough that Dash could push all her hooves off against the floor at once, flinging herself and her unwanted passenger backwards.
Diamond let go entirely, using the momentum to cartwheel backwards, landing calmly several feet away as she watched Rainbow Dash cough and gasp.
“Go ahead,” she said, her tone bored. “Catch your breath.” She raised one hoof, rubbing it against her other foreleg and then idly checking it for any chips or imperfections.
Rainbow Dash shook her head, staring at her with a mounting fury as she drew in shuddering breaths one after another. After a moment, her heart stopped racing so fast, and she flapped her wings again, drawing herself up in the air. “Let’s try that again,” she muttered, voice rough.
“If you must.” Lady Diamond reared back again, settling into her fighting form.
Rainbow Dash took a sharp angle and flew straight at her again, aiming high, forelegs outstretched. Diamond ducked underneath, a mirror of their first interactions.
“Really? Is this all you have?”
“Shut up!” Rainbow yelled as she swung around for another pass, high again, her eyes drilling into her opponent as she found herself swooping through thin air instead of contact. Her head tilted back as she passed, and she watched Diamond smoothly stand once again. “Grrrah!” she growled out in fury.
She kept going, making an entire circle of the arena, picking up momentum faster and faster and faster. Diamond stood still at the center, not bothering to try and keep track of her. Then, with a sudden change of course, Rainbow Dash aimed for her headlong, directing as much of that momentum as possible as she shot across the tiles towards her foe.
It was barely a second before impact that her wings snapped open, screaming against the air in the sharpest of emergency halts, sending out a blast of wind forward at the abuse they were taking. Diamond stumbled, already starting to drop to the floor but then frozen for a moment in indecision at the unexpected turn. “Gotcha,” Rainbow Dash whispered, and spun into a punch with the entire weight of her body. It connected dead-on with Diamond’s face with a satisfying impact that Rainbow felt shiver through her whole form.
Diamond crumpled, falling back at the force of the blow, and Rainbow Dash moved forward, her wings flapping awkwardly as she tried to follow up, her hooves moving forward to— Diamond had dropped to the floor again, and Rainbow suddenly felt a pair of back-hooves against her stomach. With a springing motion, Diamond launched herself back up off her forelegs, kicking out to send Rainbow spinning head-over-hoof into the air.
She was barely able to right herself, her wings snapping out and steadying, before she slowly dropped back to the tile.
Diamond held one hoof pressed to her eye, still hunched over slightly.
“Go ahead,” Rainbow Dash said. “Catch your breath.”
Diamond’s hoof dropped and she pulled herself back to her standing position. She didn’t speak a word, but her outstretched forehoof wagged in an invitation that was plenty clear to Rainbow.
This time, Rainbow Dash moved in a jittery flight, rapidly shifting directions as she approached. She kept her eyes trained on the unicorn, waiting for some dodge, but instead Diamond let her get close before turning on the offensive herself. A hoof flew out in Rainbow’s direction that she barely ducked under. A second followed, and then a backleg, Diamond spinning in place gracefully, her horn suddenly alight with magic as she poured on a storm of blows.
Individually, they didn’t look like much, Rainbow thought as she twisted and circled, using her wings to keep her aloft and darting in and out of reach. That was until a lucky hoof planted itself in her ribs with a shocking force that caused her to pull back entirely, scarcely a moment before the flurry of follow-ups threatened to end the fight right then and there.
Rainbow threw herself back into the fight, dedicating all her attention to staying close enough to be a constant threat but focusing on dodging the seemingly unending torrent of offense. She was glad she was a pegasus. There would be no way for a pony not naturally dextrous to keep up, and her natural ability to read the air currents meant that she—
She realized suddenly when actually reflecting on it, what Diamond was doing with her magic. The flow of wind was weird, artificial. Diamond was using magic to manipulate the currents, to allow herself to spin and twirl unnaturally fast to keep up that ridiculous pace.
And that meant Rainbow Dash could read her, could see what she intended with a level of precision that eyes would never be able to match. She just had to choose her moment carefully.
She was watching closely when she saw her chance, a kick that stretched long. Rainbow Dash rolled herself around it, spinning to the side and in close, where the next thrown punch would have been awkward to reach her. Her hoof raised out to swing, not in the place Diamond was, but where she knew she would soon be, swinging forward with a heavy inevitability until—
Diamond twisted entirely at the last minute, bending in a way that ponies shouldn’t have been able to do, causing Rainbow’s punch to glance off her without its full force. Rainbow barely had time to feel the strike land before she had to duck back herself, feeling a hoof slam into her head, then another, then a third. She reeled back, wings flapping, and suddenly felt the air surge forward as Diamond followed, darting forward—
Into both of Rainbow’s hind hooves, lashing out in a kick, connecting firmly this time and sending the two ponies both flying apart, tumbling across the tiles.
Rainbow Dash shakily stood. It took a moment to realize that the roaring sound in her head wasn’t her ears. It was the crowd, an audience that she had completely forgotten in the moment. She looked over to see Diamond also slowly getting to her hooves. The unicorn’s eyes were closed, her breathing steady even as her legs trembled slightly. But more than anything, what struck Rainbow Dash the most was that Diamond was smiling. And not mockingly or contemptuously, but with a strange, genuine kind of happiness.
Rainbow Dash reached up to feel wetness dripping down her forehead, and when she looked at the hoof it was red with blood. She realized that for some reason, she was smiling too. Practically grinning like a loon.
Diamond’s eyes opened and she focused on Rainbow Dash before slipping back into her fighting position, gracefully balanced on her hindlegs. Rainbow’s own wings flapped as she pulled herself up in the air.
“You ready for this?” Rainbow Dash said.
“More than anything,” Diamond responded.
As Dash rocketed towards her, Diamond actually leaned forward too, going this time, rushing to the fight with her horn aglow. The two moved towards one another with breathless speed, destined for a momentous collision, grins still plastered across both faces.
Pinkie stood anxiously waiting at the platform as the train from Canterlot pulled in. She was practically vibrating in excitement at seeing her friends again. As the door to the passenger car slid open, Pinkie took a huge breath.
“Welcome back, Rainbow Dash! I hope— Oh my gosh!”
“Hey Pinkie,” Rainbow said as she limped out, gingerly stepping down to the platform. One of her wings was in a cast, the opposite foreleg hung in a sling, and her prismatic mane poked through a thick wrapping of bandages.
“What happened?”
Rainbow shrugged, and then winced as the motion. “You know. Flying accident. No biggie.” She grinned. “I got fifteen stitches this time, wanna see?”
“Rainbow!” Pinkie gave her best stern look. “We’ve talked about this. There’s no competition for craziest crash. What if you had really gotten hurt?!”
Rainbow chuckled. “I don’t think I have to worry about that. We— I had it under control.”
“That sure must have been a bummer still.” Pinkie’s eyes shot open. “Oh no, did this mean you had to cancel your date with Thunderlane?”
“Who?” Rainbow said. “Oh look, there’s Rarity. Hey Rarity!”
Pinkie blinked, watching as Rainbow Dash awkwardly hopped over to where Rarity was supervising the unloading of her luggage. As Rarity turned towards them, Pinkie gasped. The unicorn had done her best in trying to cover it up with makeup, but it was exceedingly clear from the bruising showing through that Rarity had a serious black eye.
“That’s some shiner,” Rainbow said, smirking.
“What happened to you?” Pinkie chirped.
Rarity smiled. “Wouldn’t you know it, I was walking down Fifth Avenue, doing a bit of window shopping when I saw the most delightful scarf hanging in a storefront. I was so captivated that I walked right into a lamppost! I feel dreadfully silly about the whole thing.”
Pinkie winced, eyes darting towards Rainbow Dash in the expectation of some fresh verbal jab and another round of bickering.
“Happens to the best of us,” Rainbow said.
Rarity’s head tilted as she looked Rainbow up and down, taking in all the bandages. “I suppose it does. Are you quite alright, darling?”
Rainbow nodded. “Doctors say I’ll be as right as rain in a couple of weeks. No sweat.”
“Good to hear.” One of Rarity’s bags landed with a bang next to her, and her head snapped up to the sheepish baggage hoofer who had tossed it there. “If you’ll excuse me girls, I must ensure that my belongings suffer no further abuse.”
“Sure,” Rainbow said, and she and Pinkie began trotting towards town. She halted a few steps past Rarity and looked back over her shoulder. “Oh, but Rarity?”
“Hm?” she said absentmindedly.
“How often do you have business in Canterlot, anyways?”
Rarity turned, her eyes sharp and lips pursed. “Usually on the first weekend of every month.”
“Ah,” Rainbow said, voice nonchalant. “Neat. I think the Wonderbolts have a show that same time next month that I was planning on attending.” A smile crossed her lips. “Maybe we’ll bump into each other while we’re both in Canterlot.”
Rarity watched her carefully. One of her hooves raised, covering a small smile of her own. “You know... I’d like that,” she said.
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So much fun!
And kicking, too. Can't forget the kicking.
Mike
This was an amazing story, and I love it! (But you've already seen me gush about it elsewhere.)
HINT: for anyone who checks out comments before deciding whether or not to read a story, read this one now. It's fantastic, and got me to follow this author.
This would be featured by now if you had tagged it [Romance], just saying.
5390734
Eh, RariDash isn't exactly one of the big ships that people go to, like TwiDash or OctaScratch. I doubt it would have caused this to get any more views or likes.
Uhm the moral of the story is?
5390808
Punching is awesome!
Alternatively, something boring about learning more about the people around you and not dismissing them based on assumptions. But mostly the punching thing. Or "No one cares about Thunderlane," that's also a good one.
I'm still surprised you went with my joke title on this. I probably shouldn't be, considering how you normally go about naming your stuff, but there we go.
Congrats again on 3rd place. You definitely need to remember to bug me to join in on the next one considering the amount of fun I had just watching your reactions.
Strengthening your relationship by beating the evershitting fuck out of each other is the real magic of friendship!
5391035
Haha, yes.
This was pretty fantastic, but I still have trouble seeing Rarity keep up with Dash in a fight. Still great though.
This story is a VERY interesting prospect, something I haven't seen during my time here. You took a natural point of contention between two ponies, Rarities fashion sense and Rainbow's Tomfillyness, and pushed it just slightly. It is not a stretch of the imagination to see the friction between the two (even if it is nothing more than a simple 'I just don't understand what you like').
Then you threw in the twist, Rarity a prize fighter and good enough to be a 'Queen' of the ring now that is something new. In fact the new respect that Rainbow has for Rarity is evident. Even if this isn't a true RariDash ship, and it doesn't have to be, its still a unique and interesting story that can be expanded upon and I would love to see a sequel.
very nice story, i rather enjoy this one a lot, thump up
It's as fun to read this here as it was in the writeoff.
I didn't like this story.
Why, exactly?
I only have one question.
Why on earth is Rainbow being so ooc and such a complete bitch to Rarity?
Example,
Why is she upset about Rarity not wanting to spend time with her? Was she not just complaining about Rarity going to Canterlot with her in the first place?
I can see the end result you were going for, friends that may seem to like different things may have more in common than they thought, but the means you used to get there is just...bleagh. Rainbow acted completely ooc to reach that conclusion.
Just not my cup of tea. sorry.
5391232
I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure if this story went through the typical vetting process that most stories submitted to the library go through, it would fail.
Rainbow Dash is OOC as hell. She's acting whiny and being a complete jerk to Rarity in the beginning despite the fact that she isn't like that to Rarity on the show. The worst part of it is her somehow being offended and assuming that Rarity doesn't want to be seen with her in public, when Rarity didn't say anything to that effect. The entire conflict in the beginning is about as forced and contrived as you can get. Stories are constantly rejected from the library due to OOC issues and having a conflict that doesn't really make sense.
No rhyme or reason is given when it comes to Rarity regularly going to a fight club. There's no talk between Dash and Rarity after the fight either. No offense to the author and sorry if this sounds overly harsh, but it seems like the only reason anyone likes this is for the concept of Rarity and Rainbow beating the fuck out of each other as a way of bonding as oppose to the actual story's execution of said idea.
If this is the type of story that gets shoved to the front of the line and put right into the library, then the library's standards have fallen.
Well, this was a weirdly fascinating One Minute Melee. Now, when you come back with a story that doesn't need RD to only be a bitch, make sense, and try to explain a single reasoning behind anything, especially Rarity, I might like it. As it is though, this is an excuse to get two ponies to fight and nothing else. If you wrote shameless clop as well, I would not be surprised.
5391499
I'll be honest. I have no idea what to say to this, none whatsoever.
At least, nothing outside of "I liked it" that would in any way make sense. I will say, however, that I took into consideration the fact that it took 3rd in the write off and several people who have much higher and better standards than I when I decided to add it.
And honestly, no one else seems to be having an issue with Dash being OOC. Indeed, I find it forgivable enough. But, as I can prove by my actions now, no one is perfect.
~Skeeter The Lurker
5391706 You do realize that appealing to authority is a really weak excuse, right?
The story should be added or rejected on its own merits, not because people who have better standards liked it.
5391706 Skeeter, even if you defended it with all of that, let me ask you something. Is this a story? Is this a story beyond an excuse to get two people to fight? Should a high quality library of fanfiction allow that, especially since I know shameless clop isn't allowed. Thunderlane is there to get RD there and has no reason to be able to do so since he is also new, Rarity is this fighter for reasons, and RD decides fighting and trying to kill other ponies is immediately awesome for REASONS! Not only that, but RD did it because she wanted to beat the shit out of her friend who has no real conflict with her because RD makes it happen for no reason. Add on top of that the fact that we get no explanations at the end and all you have is senseless violence between two puppets, not characters.
5391706
You do realize there was another comment below Rainedash's that had that problem, yes? And that there is now another after it, bringing it to a total of three comments with 16 upvotes between them as I write this?
5391706
Except TGM in this post 5391494 and Jumbled Thought here 5391705 (granted, that one was posted the same time as your reply). All of which, along with my post, have multiple thumbs up. So, I'm not the only one who believes this. And coming in third in a competition doesn't mean the issues should be just overlooked.
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I stated my view and reasoning, I stand by it. You do not seem to agree, so too bad for me.
I will not, however, be removing it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
5391706
*Slowly raises hand*
Errr... I'm also having a issue with the OOC in this story, believe it or not.
Do to overwhelming requests, I must apologize.
I have removed said fic from Twilight's Library.
Reason being is the whole "OOC" thing.
~Skeeter The Lurker
5391499 But thats the beauty of the whole thing! The whole point is just how OOC this is for Rarity. I agree that the initial conflict feels forced though. I've seen at least one fic where Rarity's dad was a crazy military leader who trained her in martial arts and the art of war. It was freaking awesome.
5391816 The problem is with Rainbow Dash, not Rarity.
5391835 Yeah, Dash is way OOC now that I think about it.
5391841
reactiongifs.com/r/2011/09/mind_blown.gif
5391845 Well you don't have to get all sarcastic about it.
It is well established that Rarity has martial arts training (pilot episode, A Canterlot Wedding) which she must have received somewhere. Dash is exaggerated a bit in the "she's your friend, not mine" bit. It has a bit of the forced feeling that "Look Before You Sleep" had between Rarity and Applejack: in this case being an excuse for a Fight Club story.
Despite the plot holes, it was an enjoyable read. While the buildup to the main fight put some strain on the suspension of disbelief, it isn't too extreme to see Rarity and Dash at odds with each other and finding out that they share a competitive edge that both can mutually respect.
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I suppose I should explain my own understanding here. I agree that the characterization is heightened and skewed here, but still recognizably so, and I don't think in a way outside what many other fics would do. I attempted to frame this within the series – Rainbow mentions Griffon the Brush Off in the near past, placing this early in Season 1, prior to Look Before You Sleep, where it's understood that the Mane 6 do not necessarily know each other well or get along like best friends. Rainbow Dash isn't interested in hanging out with Rarity, who comes across as superficial and annoyingly obsessed with exactly all the things Rainbow doesn't care for. But to find Rarity isn't interested in her for the same reasons is insulting. The argument is admittedly sudden and fierce, and could be better set up, though I'm not sure how really to do so – however, I would suggest it works more in the context of the whole story arc, rather than a standalone event.
Rainbow's ego and aggressiveness are deliberately punched up in the story (As often happens in the show; see the sudden intense focus on Twilight's neuroses in Lesson Zero compared to prior, or Applejack's pathological fixation on protecting Apple Bloom in Somepony to Watch Over Me). When she later sees an opportunity within a totally valid context to challenge Rarity (in a physical way that Dash assumes she totally owns) she jumps at it. Not so much to try and hurt Rarity as much as show her up. Rarity, after all, is a pony concerned about appearances and being high-class. Rainbow, seeing her there, naturally assumes she doesn't belong, that it's one further affectation that she's putting on, and resolves to knock her down a few pegs. Things turn out differently than she expects, and once she sees something genuine in Rarity, she respects that. Just as Rarity respects Rainbow Dash as someone who can challenge her. It's a story about two ponies who are all about maintaining exterior facades both finding the true strength underneath in each other, and coming to a better mutual understanding.
5392215 First off, if you aren't making it present, have that fact be included in the description and not through dialogue that seems used to make sure you the reader gets the point you are making in this fic. Secondly it isn't only her aggression I have a problem with, but the fact that she seems to casually be okay with ponies beating the shit out of each other and just joining. Finally, as far as the set up goes, in no way does Rarity come off as seeing Rainbow as beneath her. She simply states she is too busy with business, a very understandable thing that RD immediately takes as an act of aggression. Also, I'm sorry but having her aggression peaked is one thing. Having it so peaked that she is willing to beat the shit out of her friend just to knock her down a peg? And if it isn't doing it to a friend, would she have just done it to any Canterlot nobility pony?
5391815 I'm not one to shoot the messenger. Even though your job is not only being the messenger and I have no skin in this story. Besides, your thoughts and actions on this story stimulated my mind. But...
5392215 ... whatever your motives Sharp Sparks - i had a painful day. I don't like fighting and I don't like friends hurting each other. but. This story was meant to be read by me. today. Don't have anything constructive to say.
Good job on a enjoyable story.
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Yeah, the text is no place for details important to the story!
5392344 Not when it could just be a reference. Only a little over a year has passed for the mane 6 and Pinkie could take events like Gilda hard but still be curious about her. It just isn't hinted enough in the story.
I like it. I just... I'm usually much better at describing, in detail, why, but this just has me smiling like an idiot, without many words.
Perhaps its the martial artist/instructor in me that loved the way you wrote the fighting, or maybe its just the way you characterize the both of them (somewhere between canon and caricature, with just enough of both), or the personal touches you gave their fighting personas, but this was just great.
It's also great to see a story about "the secret side of Rarity" that isn't... well... sexual in nature, and is also not in the realm of "crackfics."
Kudos, my friend. Kudos.
Remember the first two rules about Fight Club, girls. No talking about Fight Club
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Maybe I'm wrong, but listening to you two, I get the feeling that your beef is less with the story and more with the approval process for Twilight's Library. Rainbow and Rarity hardly ever have direct one-on-one interactions in the show (it was a fairly big deal when "Bats!" had a scene with Rarity actually looking for Rainbow Dash), which is one of the reasons they make an interesting pairing for friendshipping stories. And Rainbow is regularly a bit of a jerk at baseline, when it comes to canon, most recently with the whole "let's sell off Fluttershy so I can get a book" thing. The author is doing what fanfiction authors do—take interesting characters and put them in novel situations—and the pieces are being put in place specifically to create a story arc. Apparently not one you like, which is fine—not everybody has to like every story. But you both seem a little too hair-trigger about this for me to find your arguments particularly compelling. If all you're cool with are stories that perfectly match show flavor, that's going to cut you off from an awful lot of good stories.
If it makes you feel any better about Twilight's Library, though, there should be a bit less competition for space in the future. I doubt I'll be submitting anything to them again, after seeing how y'all are acting here. Incivility is not something that endears me to any group, and there are plenty of better places I can go to get attention for my own stories.It sounds like Twilight's Library is taking some action to deal with this kind of incivility, which I find very commendable on their part. I feel bad that it had to come to that, but I'm happy to know that this behavior isn't reflective of the group as a whole.5392404 My problem is not how they react to each other. It is that how RD acts has no basis in the story, even to the point of drastically mishearing Rarity. Also, there is jerk, and then there is willing to beat the shit out of somepony to teach them a lesson. That s out of character to me, even for an aggressive type like RD. I will admit that I reacted a bit harsher then I should, but my comments about her being OOC and this story just wanting to make two things fight, not even these two character, I believe stands, partially because of the fact that they don't ever get to talk in this one except for RD deciding Rarity hates her though she says nothing to that effect.
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I have to agree. I joined Twilight's Library almost two years ago, and some of my stories were among the first hundred or so added, but recently it's gotten insane. I never submit to EqD because I considered them elitist and not worth the trouble to please (no offense, Bradel
) but these days Twilight's Library is possibly worse and with even less to gain from it.
Maybe I'll have to check out EqD again.
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Yeah, I think you're right—maybe you did act a little more harshly than some people find appropriate.
I get that you have issues with the story. I don't tend to share them—I'm pretty cool with an author speculating about ponies fighting for fun. I also never read this story as Rainbow thinking, "Oh Celestia, I hate that marshmallow bitch and I want to destroy her to teach her a lesson." There's an edge here, but I don't feel like it hits anywhere near the level you seem to feel is here. I'm not, mind, saying that you're wrong. We read the story differently. I like it, you don't. That's all perfectly fine. My issue is that I find the level of vitriol in these comments a lot more noxious than any depiction of violence in this story.
5392427 Honestly, that probably would have been my comment anyways because that is how I feel and I bring it up anytime I have to talk about this story because that was what it was to me. Just consider for a moment that even just an aquantiance of yours shows up, and you decide to 'Fuck them. They need to be knocked down a peg, my fist through their face should do it.' Many hate Mare Do Well for how the ponies were too mean to RD, so ask yourself how this isn't the same. What if Rarity couldn't fight back? She came at her full force from the get go which means she was out for blood.
5392421 Have you looked at the rejection thread recently? Besides, would you rather we let a biased opinion decide what makes it in or an objective one? I never make it in with my fics so I get to bitch about there standards too. However, I normally can't simply say 'The prereader didn't like it and that is why my fic didn't make it.' That is why we all reacted poorly to our admins choice because that was literally all he gave for the story even though it has faults that normally cause fics to be rejected. Besides, it is the high standard we keep that makes us trustworthy in most's eyes.
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Honestly sorry to hear that.
I apologize if my actions on here assisted in those decisions.
~Skeeter The Lurker
5392404
Rainbow Dash is brash and often times speaks before she thinks. Having her be a bit of a jerk isn't the issue. It's how she came off so thin-skinned and whiny. About how she herself said she had no interest in hanging out with Rarity and then did an about face when Rarity said she'd be too busy. Rainbow Dash shouldn't have been flat out offended that a friend of the group is too busy to hang out. Even in season 1, even when Dash is at her worse, she wouldn't just lay into Rarity about being snobby or assume that Rarity is embarrassed to be seen with her. Also, very rarely is Rainbow Dash a jerk to others on purpose just to insult them.
As for having a hair trigger, I admit I replied quickly because this wasn't the first time Skeeter just added a story to the library right away without any kind of second opinion. However, I do stand by my criticisms of the story itself. I wouldn't say something about it if I didn't believe it.
For the story matching the show's flavor, I've read and enjoyed a lot that haven't. I just felt like this one needed to be fleshed out more and have a more natural feeling conflict at the beginning instead of just Rainbow Dash looking to pick a fight.
Finally as far as Twilight's Library and you goes, I honestly don't care. I'm a member sure, but I have no real influence there or any great loyalty to the group, beyond just not wanting it to become an admin's personal favorites list.
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It wasn't about elitism, it was about having a standard and trying to stick to it. It irked me a bit to see an admin approving a story without a second opinion despite that story having issues that have gotten quite a few prior stories rejected. That shouldn't happen. It's no better than when an EqD prereader passes something just because of the author attached to it, or when they let a story break their rules just because the prereader liked it (such as posting a story below the minimum allowed word count). People just want a little consistency.
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Well, they assisted in that you recommended a good piece of fanfic for the group, and the group decided it wasn't good enough, then proceeded to stink up another writer's comments about it like Twilight's Library is some important thing.
So, you could prevent this in the future by... not recommending good fanfics I guess?
You know, bats and I were contributors for Twilight's Library a while ago, and we never contributed anything for exactly this reason. We've since been removed, but I'm glad to see our inactivity was justified.
ETA: And the group wonders why they can't find good help.
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I've said this a hundred times with respect to EQD, and if it's becoming an issue with TL now, it bears saying here too. And I think I'll let this be my last word on the matter, because the comments here should really be for Sharp Spark's story, not Fimfiction group politics.
If you want to judge story quality objectively, all you'll ever see are stories that are technically proficient and deadly boring. Stories have to take risks, and story quality depends intrinsically on those risks. Trying to create objective standards is a nightmare. Say you have a comedy. How do you measure whether it's a good comedy? Volume after volume has been written trying to dissect how humor works, and there are a number of competing theories—but at the end of the day, evaluations of humor are almost always subjective. And you'll have this problem with any genre you consider.
No one is ever entitled to get their story highlighted in a group or on a blog or website. You earn that right by working your butt off to create the best stories you can, and then you hope other people can see when those stories are good. Setting down hard and fast rules for what is and isn't objectively "quality" narrows your window of stories, and often the number of good stories excluded just about balances any labor-saving you manage by filtering out some of the bad. The only thing anyone can really do is to find people whose taste they feel they can (usually) trust and get them to recommend what they think is good. And if the folks in Twilight's Library aren't cool with that, then they aren't looking for quality stories. They're looking for a cheap way to get more exposure for their own stories, or writing that fits narrow grammatical and stylistic rules, but they're not looking for quality.
I can't speak to how good 5391706 is at spotting quality; I don't know him that well. But I know he reads a heck of a lot of stories, and he pays attention to what's happening in the fanfiction community. All he did here was the job he should have been doing—trying to highlight what he felt was good fanfiction for a group that highlights good fanfiction. A lot of people apparently disagreed with him, and sometimes that happens. But if you ask me, he was doing exactly what anyone in his position should have been doing. And if you're not cool with getting fanfiction recommendations by that type of mechanism (knowing that they'll always be at least a little hit-or-miss for your own taste), then I don't really see how you plan to find quality stories.
Huh. Not how I expected this one to go. Not that I'm complaining, of course... This story was very interesting and a fun read! Appearances only tell part of the story, it seems.
I enjoyed this.
Its a well written fight scene and quite good pacing.
I do have a question as to why Rainbow Dash and Rarity seem to have some significant conflict between them. The groan for the start is possible, but her distinct hate and seemingly malicious intent towards Rarity seems a bit unwarranted. True, they're (well, almost) complete opposites but I think Rainbow was acting a little "too much" towards Rarity.
However, I did enjoy it either way.
Congratulations on the well deserved 3rd place
Rule one of pony fight club, you do not talk about pony foght club
Rule two of pony fight club, You DO NOT TALK ABOUT PONY FIGHT CLUB!